Humans
in scales
are in
touch,
they
glide in
the waters
of the starry
skies, the dust
of nebulas
move and
dream
as clouds,
all is in
silence,
and the true
music of
love
begins.

hello?
can you hear that?
me begging for you to stop-
to get out of my head.

hello?
can you taste that?
i have no idea why my tears taste this way...
i guess you were right, i really should drink more water.

hello?
can you feel that?
as i continue to slice myself open in attempts to hurt you,
my idea of containing the wild beast but,
you must be a *******.

hello?
hello?

is now when you leave?
do you not want me anymore?
you’re just like the others.

can’t you hear me?
do you not want to?
have i become too much for you to handle?
are you now scared of this chaos that you’ve created?
do you fear that you’ve lost control of me?

is it because i almost took 15 pills this morning instead of 1?
i told you i was sorry.

hello?
you tore nebulas out of my mouth and left a blackhole as my smile, stardust is clogging up my throat now.
i can’t breathe.
hello?
hel-hello?
i guess this was the plan all along.

the monsters lurking
behind my eyelids
make up nebulas of
nightmares
and the pieces of
every man
i have yet to love

because sooner or later
everyone
lets you down
and terrifies you
and explodes

but i don’t think that i could love
any other way
so i beg the monsters
to please
stay.

When I close my eyes what I see are the mountain valleys
And trees covered with snow
All around me the only sign of civilization are the ski villages
And the air smells like fire in a chimney
With a hint of hot chocolate and waffles at every turn.
I feel myself secluded on the top of one of those mountains
In a cottage covered in snow
Breathing in the fresh mountain air
Cold but only enough that it’s the coziest feeling in the world to come inside to the warmth.
Nothing but inspiration flows in these winds up here
I am as weightless as the thin air this high
And as soft snow falls it consumes me
Until I start and end with the mountain and the sky.

But I blink, and suddenly warm tropical sun is hitting my bare shoulders
White sand resembling snow, but the resemblance stops there
Because these tropical waters are alight with colors other than white and brown and green.
The ocean waves match my hair
And my freckled skin is kissed by the sun in such a way that I swear I belong here forever.
There’s the taste of mojitos in my mouth
And the smell of a scuba mask covering my nose.
Under the water is another world,
One I have never felt so close to
With sharks and corals and fish that all seem to be in such perfect balance
There’s nothing else in the world that matters but the sea and the sun and the sky.

I’m disarmed for a second by the rush of loud noise I at first think are the crashing waves
But then the shrill of a car horn caries and I realize that my feet have shoes on them once again
And they’re touching asphalt.
I look up at the buildings all around me
And though the air isn’t as fresh here,
There’s something to be said about the pretzels in the air
And the car fumes
And the smell of the pavement after the rain.
There’s so much noise, but it beats in time with my heart
And the swell of it all alights my excitement.
There is no place I’d rather be, not in this moment.
My thoughts are as abundant and high-reaching as the buildings all around me
And there’s a world of possibilities that seem to have been awoken in me as I stepped into this city.

The roar of the cars comes to a halt
And all I can hear is the wind though the fields.
My mind, for the first time in a long time,
Has nothing left in it.
I lay here, surrounded by nothing but flat land
Dotted by small white houses
With broken down brown barns to their left,
And stare up at the rolling clouds in the sky.
I don’t know where I am or where I’ve come from
All I know is that one cloud looks like the head of a lion
And the one next to it like a fox chasing his tail.
The wind softly tugs at my hair,
But I’m not cold in the breeze,
And it seems to be a part of me as much as I am a part of this field as I lie here.

Day turns to night quickly, and I’m suddenly looking up at the splattering of the nebulas.
It’s incredible. I’ve never been so close, here on the mountaintop.
I swear that if I reach high enough, I’ll be able to grab one and put it in my pocket. I don’t know why I’m so afraid to try.
The soft waves break against the shore, and there’s something magnificent about the way the ocean reflects the sky
So two dazzling displays are visible,
Working together. One stands unmoving aside from the planes that shoot across it
But the other ripples and flows, ever-moving, never-stopping.
Then I look up and there’s a haze of lights
Some stars, some planes, some just windows from buildings,
But it’s the city that never sleeps
And the stars are brilliant whether artificial or natural,
I feel each one splattered across the insides of me.
I lay here in the field,
Awake but fast asleep
More stars than I’ll ever see in my life spread out before me
And I suddenly feel smaller than ever,
This mortality that I am faced with is hammered into me by the brightness and abundance of all the stars in the sky.
I wonder who I am again,
Wonder how I got myself here,
On this mountain,
On this beach,
In this city,
In this field,
But I cannot find the through-line,
Not in this maze of constellations
And so I stop questioning for just a moment
And instead close my eyes and let my heart decide which way it wants to be pulled tonight,
And the stars oblige.

I thought my love for you was an earthquake
Rupturing in my soul
But as soon as I send this thought into the
Oblivion of my mind
Stuff this thought into a
Bottle and send it down the river,
I expected that I’d surely find it again someday,
But for now,
I no longer can feel
The moving earth pounding my head
Every second of every day.

That was the point of this all, you know
I wanted the emotion gone
Couldn’t handle the aftershocks that would ripple
And threaten to undo the careful
Knots that I had tied
To hold up my shield I need to hide behind.
I didn’t realize, though,
That the river opens up to the ocean
And the bottle keeps moving through and through and through
Until the tether of the emotion to the words
Is severed, gone.

There is no more flowing magma underneath my surface
That threatens to bubble up and over,
And once I thought this was what I desired
When I sent my emotions out to sea
But now all I feel is cut in half,
Incomplete.
The rest of me can’t live without its life source
Which somehow got severed along with my ties to you.
I wish it didn’t have to be this way
But now I’m floating in space
No air to breathe
Hoping and wishing and waiting
For the nebulas to send me into oblivion
Or perhaps back home again.

There’s nothing but dark water in every direction
Reflecting the night sky
In all its brilliant display of power.
The thing is that you look at the stars
And admire their beauty,
You sit there and you wait and you hope to see a shooting star
So you can make a wish that will probably never come true
And even if it does
The stars didn’t have anything to do with it,
They’re just flaming ***** of lifeless rock
Without care for human life.
The universe,
In all its glory
Sprawled out up towards the heavens
Is too big for anything to ever matter
But I never realized that before.
It’s not something to ponder
The stars aren’t there so that some measly humans
On a tiny planet
In a galaxy in the middle of nowhere
Can try to make sense out of it.
There is nothing flowery
About the stars in the sky,
There is no meaning there
Except that there is no meaning anywhere.

Why is that so hard for me to get through my head, then
As I stare out in wonder
The smell of salt water filling my nose
The warm breeze of summer enveloping me
My mind staring into the sky and searching to find a place to call home among the stars.
But there’s nothing there,
There never will be anything there.
I know now that the light I see is expired light,
Hundreds, thousands, millions of years old.
My humanity just can’t stand up to that kind of time,
And so I can’t force it to try.

Burning gases of 
Tens of thousands of
Degrees burn for You.
They shine and spin, 
Swirling, dancing like 
A professional stage artist
Interpreting Your love.
Yes, Your love brings out
The very nature of nebulae - 
Passionate fire-dancing 
That will not cease 
Until the one with burning
Stars for eyes returns.

what if each individual is a universe? eyes that resembles nebulas, birth of a cell that looks like the death of a star.
and this universe we live in, is just another human being? and every hurricane is an emotion lurked, every earthquake is a feeling of extreme anger, tsunami waves like our eyes in times of devastation, despair, joy & anything else. what if the planets & the stars are cells that build up this universe?

Across
mountain
peaks
like
the
spikes
of your
hair
my fingers
brush,
careening off
glaciers
and sliding
down hidden
slopes.
Curved and
crossed
as the bones
in your spine,
smooth
and
strong
like
the
gliding
wings
of
a hawk.
The tawny-colored
feathers
echoed
in each
iris.
A look,
haunting.
Chills
and
weightlessness
invade
my body
curled
next
to yours
in perfect
sync
to your
heartbeat.
Where
waterfalls
overflow
our emotions
capsizing
our lonely
individual
vessels
amid galaxies
colliding
each
other
on a
spiraling
journey
of
passion.
The heat.
Bronzer
than the
sun in
Summer.
My love.
My moon
and
my stars.
My one
and
only.
Just
two
out-there
planets
together
forever.
Undiscovered,
untarnished,
undefiled
by humanity.

A secret whisper
from
the
nebulas…

*I
   love
            you….