Every time I attempt to change
Find myself somehow stuck
A period of indecision
Or pit of endless bad luck

Temptation is a persistent *******
Keeping on a high ledge
Put a stick in my moving spokes
Taking away the edge

Medicine will not let me run too far
Invading corners of my mind
Coerced into staying here
Relief I only briefly find

I saw a future temporarily
Moment quickly burned out
Was making steady progress
Turned around and went a different route

sitting across from me
was you and your big smile,
the way your eyes would squint as we were
laughing about the different oreo flavors
watching you pull out packs and packs of them
eagerly from your backpack
dunking it in a purple shake -- the sweet taste
of ube and the little pearls sitting at the bottom,
our table filled and soon our stomachs,
the steam of freshly cooked rice and the sizzle of pork sisig,
the clanking of the utensils and the sound of the conversations
you started,

i can hear it all in my head.

a scene that almost played out but didn't,
a moment i wish took place,
excitement was now a shade of dark blue
and the plans we've made turned into dust.

i wish i've known what was going on inside your head
and here I am talking to you in mine
whispering for you to come home
but you are.