“Why must I suffer from this pain?”
Is your constant question, that remains unanswered.

No.
Don’t cry, not in front of them, please just fight back the tears.
Please, just don’t let them see you cry.
They don’t know what it’s like.
How difficult it is to get out of bed and act happy for the day when all you want to do is breakdown in tears.
You’re afraid because you know you can’t fight forever.
Maybe you’re just not meant to live a happy life.
Maybe pain is all you’ll ever know.
You’re so broken.
Mentally and emotionally.
Literally and metaphorically.
This is so much more than being sad now.
This is affecting your whole body.  
What happened?

Cowardly tiptoeing to the back door,
Ready to make her suffer more.
Inside the house, prepared for attack,
Meticulously sneaking in total pitch-black.
In her bedroom, see her asleep;
Not even worried that this is ***** and cheap.
Akin to his knife, always in dread-
Lest he never see her dead.

Your tongue like a knife
carved into me,
digging deeper and deeper
with every jab.
Taking the most important pieces,
my heart, my lungs, my mind,
holding them for ransom
until there was nothing left for me to give,
you had my everything.

when the knife is being twisted oh so slowly deep in my gut
i am imagine myself fighting back
in my mind's eye
i am twisting the same words to hurt you more than you're hurting me
'ugly.ambitious.selfish.thick-faced.stupid.reckless.ungrateful­.'

with the hilt of my words
you will wail
and beg
for me to stop
to please just stop it

and i wouldn't listen
because you didn't even
offer me a chance to breathe
from all the suffering

i will return the favor
and even after all of what you've done to me
i will still hesitate to give you the final stab
because that is what revenge does
it makes you pause and rethink
but only for a little while
afterwards, you will pick the weapon again
and give the final blow

i killed you right after it all

while you left me here—rotting to death

i still have mercy

Heart pounding.
Knife in my hand.
"God, please take me
to another land."

Mind racing.
My body demands
to drop that thing
within my hands.

Feet tapping.
Urges overcome.
I can't forget
what I've just done.

Tears welling.
In my lover's eyes.
You made me do this,
now why do you cry?

Heart gets slowly consumed by darkness
Tears roll down red cheeks
Shaking hands hold deadly knife
asking whether to **** or not
to believe in god or to be empty till the end

Maybe it is god punishing me for all my sins
For all these years of denying his existance
Maybe I should go back to him and tell that he destroyed me
That I no longer had reasons to live

There is another sleepless night
chased out by recurring nightmares...
Will this night end?
Will my loneliness end?