i might as well just devour you ,
now that you’ve
                           shredded my stomach
and laughed .
                        .

i never would’ve guessed
that
you
would take
a knife to my heart ,
and then rev up an engine —

a chain.

but
im sick of looking at your face ,
sick of
thinking of you ,

                           and
                                  sick of smiling
from my grave.
.

i guess we can say
you stole that from me too .

but
you are proof ,
that
even demons need to eat —

and this one
is very ,
             very
hungry.

I take their hands
Pull them out of the darker forest
Because I love them all

I saw their happy faces
But not the knife they hid behind their backs
They stabbed me
I fell on the cold ground
They left me alone in the dark forest

I came alone in the dark forest
And I will go out alone out of the dark forest
The pain they gave didn't stop me to go
They just make me stronger

The forest does not scare me
Their fake smile,
Their fake feelings,
Their fake faces scared me
But I'm not scared anymore
Because I have finally seen behind their masks
Their true identity.

i am different, so you prescribe me with pills to make me feel aye-okay but now I'm that girl who takes pills. you know the girl who's ****** up in the head. the girl who had scars covering her wrists and who talks to the counselors once a week. you know who I'm talking about everyone knows her. i don't want to be that girl. that girl who's known for being sad, the one who's just never really there. the girl who you went to school with for 5 years and you still don't know her name.

The covers cried out
as I break free of their greedy,
jealous grasp. First small victory…
I’m supposed to count those you know?
To remind myself to keep moving.
I still cut out my heart today
and sat it on the kitchen table.

The knife smiled at me,
small victory for it I guess.
I felt the air slaloming
between my ribs
on its way to my spine,
where it grabbed hold.
Cold, unforgiving.

I should be used to the cold,
it’s the same every today.
My needle pierces the scars
as I sew the thick flesh back in place,
to keep the cold out, of course.
Reminding me of the days
the victories weren’t enough.

I stand and put on my sweater,
grab the heart, and throw it in the trash
on my way to the covers
to ask their forgiveness for thinking
I would be strong enough today.
The victories can wait until tomorrow
after all.

I wanted you
to  s p r e a d  me
like butter.

I wanted your
knife's cold surface
to warm me up.

I wanted you
to ******* saltiness
as if it was sweetness.

you trail blood with you ..
wherever you
go —

leaking from holes i made
inside your
                   chest ,,

so tell me //

why
am i the one crying ,
when i know
i’ll break your heart ?

i pray that you will end me ,
with a knife plunged in my gut —

for
death is better than
any pain
that
i will ever cause
                           you .
                                    .