I don't write uplifting words
my poems are  stones I throw at the soaring birds
Because I'm jealous
Yearning to get that high and it makes me rebellious
All I want is a friend
But y'all just pretend
I invite you to a home
Love you just like kin
And what do I get in return
A back stab and a burn
But just wait
Just wait  youll get yo turn
Think one day you'll learn
That what you get is what you earn
What you dish
Is what you fish
What you leave
Is what you receive
Then one day we can try again
You can try to accompany me

It feels like I got no voice
When you can hit tones I can't
So jealous I want to scream
That seems to be the only effective thing I can do with my voice
It hurts so much
When you can't be someone you are
Nothing new
Something old
Tears a hole in your heart
And causes bleeding
that causes my humanity to tear apart

Listening to other voices
Screeching a beautiful sound
I get jealous
For my voice has never reached that high
It's never has
I know it won't

I don't have the right to be jealous.
I don't have the right to make you smile.
I don't have the right to think about you,
and I **** well shouldn't speak your name.
I don't have the right to laugh at your smirk.
I don't have the right to be happy.
I don't have the right to stand next to you,
and I **** well shouldn't want to call your arms home.
I don't have the right to share music tastes.
I don't have the right to accidentally wear matching colors.
I don't have the right to hold your hand,
and I **** well shouldn't cherish the moments when your freckled skin touches mine.
I don't have the right to be yours.
I don't have the right to call you mine.
I don't  have the right to feel my heart ignite in passions,
and I **** well shouldn't imagine you feel the same.

I stare into your kerosene eyes with great envy,
Knowing I should usurp the gold in your palms, that gold on your wrist,
And the gold wrapped around your deceitful heart.

Only in knowing your nightmares do your dreams taste so sweet,
But, Love, I'm only imagining.
///
I am only imagining, as this concept is foreign.

You are never just a face in a box, you are the reason I'm straining out of my nightmares,
Because yesterday, you choked me until I woke full of life.

I want to taste the ***** on your breath.
I want to feel you give way to constructive reasoning.

But there exists such restriction,
Such impedance to my thousand day cardiac arrest, for which I got no trial,
And holding you back is truly the antithesis of joy,
And if not yours, then ever so selfishly, mine.

Regardless, I'm sick of holding it in.

I can't stand to see you two together, so closend
But there isn't anything I can do without seeming like a *****
I don't want to control your life
But I let you dictate mine
You never seem to care that I don't like it when she flips her hair and giggles like a school girl at everything you say
You see her 80 percent of your day
You see me maybe 10 percent if I'm lucky
And most of the time those two mix
I'm always waiting to be next

The next time you don't seem to care
I'll say **** it and never mention her again
But if things grow worse beware
I'll grow weary of saying **** it
One day I'll blow up
If you aren't careful, one day, I could say ******* and not **** it

My edges got snatched
And they never came back
While I was getting those tracks
They got detached

There's this empty space
At the side of my face
I feel ashamed
They were even tamed

Sick of wearing headbands
Just to cover those strands
Hoping they'll return
I'm getting so concerned

Everyday I get fried
I want to hide
They say my hairline
Looks like frankenstein

I go home crying
I keep on trying
To grow them out
Without a doubt

Next thing you know
They start to grow
I then show them off
And they start to cough

tell me im crazy
tell me im just jealous
tell me i dont deserve him
tell me hes not my type
tell me im not his type
tell me tell me
tell me anything
except for "you love him"

Sorry I can't eat
Chicken wings
While smoking
Like him