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  Feb 2018 YieShawn Scutt
Ian Cairns
I have these scars on my elbows
They're from a long time ago
And I never really appreciated their protrusion until now
Pretending to prefer unblemished skin
But when I was 10 and still believed in Superman
I had a tendency to ride my bike with stuntman speed
Forgetting about the frivolous concerns that consumed me
Hoping my kryptonite never crept up from underneath sidewalk bumps
Flipping my ambition over handlebars
Leaving the pieces of my reflections painted crimson along the asphalt
Scattered like hand-picked petals of an ill-advised ascetic
I am me, I am not, I am me, I am not
So I always wore my helmet as a precautionary measure
It contained my thoughts from running straight through my skull
And becoming neighbors with the pavement
But I never wore my elbow pads
They collected dust beside the waste bin
Replacing security for sincerity
I improved my flexibility while losing some skin
And that was a trade off I was willing to make at the time
I finally felt alive
I was invincible on my bicycle
The sidewalk my only bully
The summer breeze my only friend
And at the time I never realized what it meant to be vulnerable
But those bike rides were the closest I would get
I was fixated on fitting in around my classmates
Accumulating fake friends by
Ripping insincerities out of my esophagus
And stapling them to my forehead
I stole my own identity
Morphing my puzzle piece and jamming it into the jigsaw
Claiming to be the missing link everyone was searching for
But what am I searching for?

I was lost on my own yellow brick road
I had two left feet and no right way to go
I stopped dead in my tracks
Hoping the soles of my feet would soak in the golden stones while
Singing Dorothy's hymn like spoken sin
I just want to fit in
I just want to fit in
I just want to fit in

Wondering if that was loud enough for Oz to hear me
I didn't have any magic slippers
And this situation was twisting towards witchcraft
I'm not even sure Oz can help me
You see these requests were a tall order for a tiny man
Who wore masks just like me
Oz and I were anonymous
Oz and I were synonymous
Using smoke and mirror tactics to terrorize the innocent
When in reality we were only playing tricks on ourselves
Hiding behind perfectly sculpted ****** expressions
And make-believe manuscripts
Doing basic impressions of manufactured mannequins
Out in the real world
I really needed to speak with the Scarecrow
The Tinman, the Lion, and Dorothy too
And investigate their stresses with relentless pursuit

The Scarecrow would tell me
Wisdom is wasteful for those
Without a strong appetite for improvement
But sometimes common sense can lead
The most sensible person astray
The Tinman would tell me
Compassion is constructed for
Tender hands to hold
But sometimes empathy can leave
The most charitable person betrayed
The Lion would tell me
Courage can be critical in
Times of distress
But sometimes vulnerability can make
The most sensitive person brave
And Dorothy would tell me
Home is paradise
Wrapped in picket fences
But sometimes a terrifying trip can bring
The most wary person escape
And suddenly it would occur to me
That strengths are just solid scars
We have confidence to display on our sleeves
And perfection can only permeate the souls willing to recognize
That faults shine golden too
So from here on out I'm placing my masks alongside my elbow pads
Both collecting dust beside the waste bin
Replacing security for sincerity
Finally embracing the scars on my skin
Now that is a trade off I'm willing to make
Because I want to feel alive again
YieShawn Scutt Nov 2017
this Overwhelming Reality
consistently returns
It's tied me to the stake
forcing me to question my fatality
then scolding
I let It dictate
the voice in my head never learns
like a broken record-relentless never on break
querying my morality
why do I find comfort in these Chains?
pertinaciously handing me the lighter
dousing me in oil I gaze with no concerns
I've clogged up all the drains
content on no longer being a fighter
it's too late
the demons are infesting me
my mental is drenched in propane
swindling they claim to "make my future brighter'
cut down my ferns
only a piece of me remains
so I devour the lit match out of pure desire
oh I'll gain a light alright
in and out of frames
I'm losing sight
my eyes-the first to feel the burns
imaginary tears smother the flames
the demons run and take flight
won't be long for they'll return on another night
this Overwhelming Reality
consistently returns
YieShawn Scutt Nov 2017
I'm stuck in a snow globe
I'm lost
No one can see me
like a lint particle on a robe
the heat of the sun trapped within frost
Book covers are very deceiving
you think you know
your beliefs are false
YieShawn Scutt Nov 2017
I just want someone to
Love me
Look me in the eyes
See my pain
Hug me
I just want someone to
Hear me
Listen to my tears
Help me conquer all my fears
Don't conceal me
Tell me all the good and bad
Don't care if it makes me sad
Feel me
I just want someone to
Acknowledge me
Realize there's more than meets the eye
See I'm standing in disguise
Understand the analogies
I just want someone to
Pray with me
Help me strive for more
Open every hidden door
Save me
I just want someone to
Embrace me
Kiss me on my knicks and knacks
Call them pretty
Claim it's facts
Don't degrade me
I just want someone to
Lift some weight off my shoulders
My problems eat too many carbs
******* on emotional shards
Train my mental soldiers
I just want someone to
Memories my iris
My clothing's not important
Try not to be abhorrent
Don't care if I'm not stylish
I just want someone to
Ignite me
Pull me from my deepest dreams
these mazes are not what they seem
Excite me
I won't settle for less
YieShawn Scutt Nov 2017
like spoiling bread
my control is beginning to crumble
I use to be so strong I could walk for days
But I blindly ran due to being afraid
and now all my legs do is stumble
I'm dying to cry out
release the toxins in my head
but my words never pass a mumble
YieShawn Scutt Nov 2017
it Hurts to breath
I'm so sick in the head
it's affecting my body
now I sit and wheeze
Pain in my chest as the air comes and starts to leave
You ever been so low
Your health took the blow?
You ever been so mentally exhausted
that when You look in the mirror
You don't even recognize Yourself?
You've gone mad
You've completely lost it
but when a blank stare crosses Your face
they expect You to wash it
Your emotion is the plaque stuck in teeth
and they'll force You to floss it
You ever been so shocked
You can't even eat?
Your appetites been blocked
Oh look, negative twenty pounds
seems like Your weight's begun to retreat
Oh what a surprise
old habits begin to repeat
old rabbits looking for a little girl
up to You he creeps
You know better
but You fall anyway
And Everybody will forget about Her
She'll stay in the hole
night after night
day after day
forgotten Your main goal
so in this prison you'll stay
disconnecting from Your soul
You shout and you scream
Somebody Help! Somebody Help!
But You're stuck in delusion
it "Hurts to breath"
Realizing I haven't posted for a while. I haven't given up writing. I write my emotions out on a daily basis, just haven't taken the initiative to post.
YieShawn Scutt Jun 2016
I do this everyday
I focus on my own peace of mind
Don't get jealous just keep the faith
You've got your piece
I've got mine
so in sync
We stay
Go on with your day
Go on its okay
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