I shouldn't even hold on
My children all tell me, you did a little right but mostly all wrong
Feeling like I don't belong

I should let it just end
Boyfriend that will only call me a friend
Down into the darkness I descend

Standing in front of death's gate
Not fast enough to change anyone's fate
Sorrow, anguish, and guilt will not abate

Pumping my veins full of drugs
Never again to feel my soul-friend's hugs
Confronted now with only shrugs


I shouldn't even hold on
I should let it just end
Standing in front of death's gate
Pumping my veins full of drugs

©Pauline Russell

Let me look at you for once and forever,
As you are the most beautiful thing i have ever seen.

Let me touch you for once and forever,
As i could sense my heart skipping beats.

Let me hug you for once and forever,
As it warms me in a way, you couldn't understand.

Let me kiss you for once and forver,
As i want to feel high without drugs.

Let me love you for once and forver,
As i want to feel love ln every special way one can.

Your kisses are a bundle of nerves
and the more we lean back
the more we can feel our shattered spines
but having lived is
worth being paralysed,
your hugs are safety
I can never detach myself from,
conjuring up sighs in me
I never get the chance to speak of.

They say I’m bluer than blue

And I agree

If “bluer than blue” means not that I am sad

But that I am mad about

Or glad of the eternal cold surrounding me

For that algidity 

Allows for your arms around me

And try to provide me with warmth

Warmth that only you can bring

As I am tucked under your wing

With your smiles that promise something

In the future

Preferably with me

Still curled up in your embrace

Because only then can I face

Reality

Then yes I am bluer than blue

And I don’t want to be anything else

I could use some hugs,
and I could use some love,
a friend to call an ally
who just laces up a glove,

Don't worry 'bout it friend,
cuz I have got your six,
I'll rescue you tonight,
& get ya out of any fix,

I gladly guard your corner,
an I'll beat down any foe,
I show you what a friend is,
when I'm done you oughta know,

You know that I am loyal,
my homie,
I got you,
I'm the truest friend,
that they will ever hafta rue,

Just try to get right past me,
I'm already wearing armor,
or if a lovely foe,
I will be the sweetest charmer,

I know you're pretty tough,
like nails or so they say,
just like dear old Dad,
yeah you're like him in that way,

I will be your friend,
no matter come what may,

Just know you're not alone,
in the darkness of the day.

Cherie Nolan © 2016

Looking at your sleeping figure for the last time
Sprawled across the comfiest couch we have ever slept on
I smile as softly as your snores that barely fill the room
Give your left cheek a swift kiss
As my silent goodbye you'll never know I gave

I slowly tuck the blanket around your hips and chest
Knowing how much you need to be held on to
Then walk out the familiar door I will never see again
Turning off my hurting heart the same way
I am forced to turn that golden, squeaky doorknob closed

My mind is telling me to smile,
When i just want to cry,
I broke a girls heart,
Broke it even more when it was already broken,
I just want to cry,
I just want to be in tears,
Let all the pain flow out;
Into the river of tears.

I’m so very sorry,
I made a mistake,
I should have told you earlier,
It is my fault,
I feel like I can’t live anymore,
My heart is sore,
When such a mistake shatters our future,
I just want to be with you,
Is that too much to ask for?
Feeling depressed while my heart remains sore,
Alone & sad; Might not recover,
Apologize doesn’t matter,
Now I don’t know what to say,
I just want to hold you,
No! I can’t wait to hold you,
But there’s always a delay,





I made a mistake; I should’ve told you,
Hoping you may forgive me,
I think i’ve lost you,
Every mistake makes a bigger wall,
Sunshines on me no more,
Wall hangs on me,
With clouds rain on top of me,
Hoping I make it up to you,

The mix feelings you have for me,
Is starting to disappear,
When I want to say I love you,
But you wouldn’t want to hear,
Love is such a strong word to use,
But if you really mean it,
Say, I love you,

You don’t even know what to do anymore,
Will you leave me?
Will I not hold you anymore?
My heart, soul, & mind chose you,
Now my arms is trying to reach you,
But can’t extend anymore,
I am afraid,
I am sad,
I made a mistake
A mistake I cannot pass,
I am so sorry!
I chosen to be a fool,
Instead of being smart,
I said nothing!
I let it go on about,
You told others you was going to meet me,
But I didn’t come,
I didn’t cancel,
Stayed in your room all night,
Makes me feel pitiful,

I cry myself to sleep tonight,
I do not pray, no wish, no hope,
Because it won’t get me no where,’
If you so happen give me another chance,
I’ll believe a little more,
I write your name your name in a hundred colors,
Your favorite is red and blue,
Your hair is red and your eyes are blue,
My favorite colors are red black and blue,

The mistake I made is a tragedy,
I felt guilty & I felt ashamed,
Life is not a joke, Life is not a game,
I feel like I lost you,
Now you’re fading away,
With every hope of being with you,
Has now been broken,
I’m so very sorry my love,
Now you think i’m joking,

Everyday I think about you,
More than any girl I ever thought of,
Me thinking of you make my heart feel warm,
But when I see you might heart stops,
Not because I don’t want to see you,
It’s because you make me so happy,
Make me excited,

You give me a reason to smile,
While I give you a reason to leave me,
I am lost confused and don’t know what to do,
I don’t care what nobody says about you,
No matter what,
I’m a man of my word,
I don’t know what else to write,

I’m in the bottle of a whole ,
Too dark,
No way to get out,
No way to be free,
Please shine the light on top of me,
So I can see,
I am so very appalled,
Full of dismay;;;
Is this the part that I finally pray?
I feel like I am begging for forgiveness,
Even though I don’t deserve it,
I am so very sorry, What can I do?
It’s time I close the book,
And start a new.

Wintry winds wisp through the air,
The chilling feeling is upon us.
Leaves crinkle and crackle,
Hardened by the cold.

Layers upon layers,
Bundling in seas of blankets,
Steam from a cup of tea warming the face,
A comforting book on the bed-side table.

Cuddles and hugs,
Butterfly kisses,
and a warm embrace,
Brings a smile to my face.

Clearer night air,
Means that stars easier appear,
The moon shines brighter,
Everything slightly more calm.

So I'd like to say thank you to the weather,
For bringing the season that is better.