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eius reginae Apr 2018
Coffee and cigarettes
I tell myself I have
Coffee and cigarettes
"You don't need food tonight."
Drink coffee.
Smoke cigarettes.
Ignore the rumbling.
"You don't need to eat."

Just one more meal, I tell myself
Is it a lie?
Is it the truth?
It doesn't matter
I shovel bite after bite into my mouth
Keep it in.
"Just one more bite."
It's therapeutic

My stomach is rumbling
No, I tell myself
"You just ate."
I feel nauseous
"You don't need to eat."
My body is tingling
"You're still full."
[Let's do something about it, then.]
I eat and I eat and I eat and I eat and I...

I puke.
I watch my body expel all that I ingested.
My forehead is wet
And so is my nape
My body is shaking
Make it stop
My body doesn't listen
I puke
I heave
I retch
I gasp
There, you're not full anymore.

I tell myself it's the cigarettes
I watch my food go down the drain
Too much smoke in my lungs
Too much nicotine in my veins
[Too many lies in your head.]
"Ignore it."
I wipe away the tears
I escape
My stomach rumbles
I need food
So I eat

They make me hungry
I'm always hungry
My stomach is constantly rumbling
Never satisfied
Never pleased
"I'm full."
[Let's do something about it.]
"Please don't."
[Too late.]
I eat and I eat and I eat and I eat and I...

I cry.
Trigger warning!
eius reginae Nov 2017
In a dark room

Hand clenched tight
Uncontrollable sobs
Red, seeing red
Throat blocked
Someone save me

Lost and never found
In the abyss
Killing me softly

Heart shattered
Endless tears
Love me please
Lose me please
to be alone
eius reginae Oct 2017
Every time you do this, it's unfair because I'm always the one
Because you do not see the error in your ways and you
Me even without knowing it because you think you're
And that everything else should follow but I
Point it out to you because what the hell is the point and
Can you not see that you trample my heart so
eius reginae Jun 2017
We silence each other with a magnificent apocalypse
You poison me with paint-smeared lips
And I choke you with ink-stained fingertips
With colourful grips
And aesthetic drips
We create a breathtaking eclipse
a.k.a a poetic way to say "your art has rendered me speechless" xD
eius reginae Jun 2017
And now I understand
that no one else can
possibly keep up with
the love I can offer
because everyone else has
other things to lose
unlike me who have nothing
and I can't possibly blame them
for not being as sacrificial
as me
for I am their destruction
despite them being my salvation
eius reginae Jan 2017
They say I’m bluer than blue

And I agree

If “bluer than blue” means not that I am sad

But that I am mad about

Or glad of the eternal cold surrounding me

For that algidity 

Allows for your arms around me

And try to provide me with warmth

Warmth that only you can bring

As I am tucked under your wing

With your smiles that promise something

In the future

Preferably with me

Still curled up in your embrace

Because only then can I face


Then yes I am bluer than blue

And I don’t want to be anything else
I am a ***** for irony and my girlfriend's embraces ****
eius reginae Dec 2016
Distance hurts
It touches you more than you can touch the other person
Distance hurts
Time and space both stretches infinitely, without a reason
Distance hurts
People change like postage stamps on a letter
Distance hurts
When you don't know if it's for the better
Distance hurts
You leave with them being as sweet as sugar
Distance hurts
When you come back and they seem so far
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