best friends
that titled has been stripped away
are we even considered friends anymore?
what even makes someone a best friend?
is it their inabily to say no or tell you a lie- no
that can't be it
because you lied
and apparently
best friends aren't supposed to lie to each other
it's not even that your friendship not being in my life at the moment is a lose
i just miss having someone like you; someone who can relate

it's 4:30 in the morning and i just stalked your vines from the beginning of last year
what the ****
you've changed
but we all have
as of now, i don't know if it was for the better or the worse

it's evident that friendships can be rekindled
but you completely lost my trust
i don't know if we'll ever be on good terms again

i knew you were staring at me the other day
the last time we saw each other after
"the break-up"
you kept going out of your way to wave at people standing near me or look back and see me laughing with my new best friend
it's weird to think that you were over at my house less than two weeks ago
and everything
every single thing
is different now

i hadn't really realized that things can happen in the blink of an eye
the thing that keeps getting me down
is that i tried
to save the friendship
you were the one who lied
you were the one that ruined two other friendhips of mine in the process
you are not a nice person

i'm shaking my aching head as i'm hoping that you're okay
what the ****

the littlest things keep bringing back memories of us
i'm calling you and I, an us,
almost like a break-up
i wanna throw all our collaborated poems in the still lasting embers of our burnt-out friendship

i just hope you get what you deserve

just realized
all my old content

-erased-

*******, myspace.

You know
You've hurt me so much I cry
You know
Sometimes I just can't get by

And I wish
You were dead
That you never
Came up in my life

You know
That I gave all that I had
And you know
That you make me feel so bad

Like I failed you
And I've never ever
Been good enough

So tonight
I'm saying *******
I'm walking out of here with head held high
'Cause tonight
I'm getting drunk
So I don't remember how you say hi

Because you made
Me feel ecstatic
And like I was amazing
But now I'm
Absolutely nothing
So *******, and everything you were

Because
I'm good enough
Without you
Sorry
But I'm good
So I guess, this is my last adieu.

Replaying that moment in my head
Our first kiss
I was so numb
I couldn't feel a ******* thing
I laid back and closed my eyes
My body so weak
You wrapped your arm around me
The only safety I had felt in a long while
You were wine drunk
I could taste the alcohol on your tongue
I now remeber how I felt;
Pathetic, ever so young
I loved the scent of your skin
You smelt like home after a long day at work
You were my home
My resting place
I'm homeless now
You dug my grave
I'm six feet under and you don't even give a ****
*******.

i've come to the point where i'm always saying *******.
******* and the way you talk,
**** the way you walk and the way you run.
**** the way you smile when someone walks by you,
even if you have no idea who they are.
**** the way you slouch in your seat,
and **** the way you stand up proudly when rooting for your team.
**** the way you move and the way you care.
**** the way you dance,
and the way you slide across the floor when you really get into the music.
**** everything you do,
because now i've come to this point.
but you want to know the most ****** up thing of all?

**** the way you smile,
**** the way you smell,
the way you hold me when i'm sad,
**** the way you smile when you see me coming,
**** the way you put away your games and your phone,
when you want to spend time with me,
**** the way you tuck your head into my neck when we dance,
**** the way you sigh when you're tired,
and **** the way you flip your hair from your face.

**** the way you loved me,
and **** the way I love you.
but seriously, honestly, crazy and stupidly,
**** the way you never seemed like you really cared much,
at all.

*******.
******* for being so far away
******* for making me want you
I can say it certainly is not fair,
What is this, the ******* teacup ride?
I always hated the fair.
Fishing for plastic ducks and shooting impossible targets
Seems like a setup for failure to me.
******* for making me take a look at myself in the mirror
And for making me ask questions
For making me lie
And for making me tell the truth.
Why can't things be easy?
Oh yeah, that's just not how it works around here.
******* for making my imagination run wild.
For casting yourself in the movies my brain constantly films
And ******* for getting the cinematography just right.
I can't look away.
******* because all I have is my imagination.
I can make you whomever I want you to be.
******* for curling your hair and for having those lips
And for being comfortable with yourself around me
**** your small wrists and your quirky characteristics
Your eyeliner and your fingernails
**** your sparkling smile and your hips
And ******* for making me want you so bad.

**** me.
**** me for yearning.
**** me for learning
That it's not that simple,
That nothing is set in stone,
That people are confusing as hell.
**** me for taking the time to write this poem
**** how angry it's making me
And **** the fact that I'm writing it because of you.