Floating and flowing without ever knowing
Gloating and showing without ever going
Bloating and slowing our repetitive rowing
Coating and mowing instead of regrowing

We drift downstream as if in a dream
Sometimes we glint, sometimes we gleam
Other times we pay a toll
Yet we are never in control

We can struggle against the currents
Test the limits of our endurance
Or we can learn to selflessly flow
We can begin to gracefully let go

Why is it that The Nice Guy always finishes last?
He tries so hard to please you.
To give you everything He can.
And it’s not enough

The Nice Guy is protective.
He does not try to control you like your past boyfriends. Instead He encourages you to learn and to explore, but He is also there for you.
He is the binding of a book, wrapping all the contents of you inside and guarding you from our patriarchal society.
You are at the epicentre of His mind. You are the sun that gives light to the world. His world.
If you let Him, He would give you everything. Mind, body and soul.
But you don’t let Him.

The Nice Guy is caring.
He asks you about your day; and what do you tell Him?
You give him the same answer over and over again. “It was ok.”
You don’t tell him that your boss tried to touch you for the third time this month or that when you said no he called you a *****.
You don’t tell Him that you feel helpless and worthless because of it.
Expendable, like trash. A common ******* passed around by a world of arrogant ‘men’.
And you know He knows. With every passing day and every “ok” you push Him further and further away.
But He is empathetic and He is intuitive. He knows that you are lying. He sees the wince as he asks you the question.
You wonder why He continues to ask.

The Nice Guy is hopeful.
He continues to show his interest in the hopes that one day you will give Him a true answer. A true insight into your life.
To peel away at the hard shell you have cocooned yourself in.
And He waits.
When you come home from the club at 4am unable to walk, He doesn’t shout, He takes care of you. He takes you to bed, gives you a glass of water and stays up all night to watch over you.
It’s your brother’s birthday tomorrow; he will be 6.
Your friends knew that when they pressured you into that 8th shot. Is that what a good friend does? You know it’s not and you know they’re not right for you.
But from your search for acceptance, you allow this manipulation to continue.
You are complex and He knows that, He understands. That’s why He doesn’t ask who the man you were kissing on your Snapchat story was. You forgot when you were blackout drunk.
He didn’t.

The Nice Guy is struggling.
He loves you more than anything in the world. He would die for you. He would **** for you.
And yet with one mistake, one small deviation from morality it’s over.
Finished, tainted with the memory of his actions like wine on carpet. You scrub at the stains praying they vanish. And they may get better over time, but they will never truly be gone.
But you, you pushed him.
You are a snake that has poisoned and cursed the only ounce of goodness that was shining over your life.
Ripped at His heart like a crow, eating away until there was nothing left but a corpse.
You have extracted all the essence of goodness away from Him and left Him broken, a fragment of the man He used to be.

It’s selfish really. You take all of that guilt from those late nights at the club, from the guys you flirt with when drunk and deflected this all back to Him.
Was it really that bad what he did? Or is this just convenient for you?
It’s an escape rope. An escape rope which you have grasped firmly with both hands.
Our minds are the ocean and you are the anchor, dragging Him down to the bottom with you.
Yes He has fallen from perfection, but you deserve his imperfection.

But The Nice Guy is no longer The Nice Guy.
And you no longer want Him.

Disbelief -
I am
Not a "thing"
I am just interactions -
Stories.

i'm walking down the street
bare feet, without a care
**** uber, metro, I hate public transportation,
i'm dirtying up this sidewalk, for a few years already
i'm writing down a will, in my mind, close to my eyelids,
because i'm on the wrong side of my mind
i feel sick, tasting the bitterness of humanity
when I wipe mankind on the side of the pavement,
at the very deep, there's masculinity mixed with *****,
i'm walking down a bridge full of empty shells
i pass hordes of girls who are smiling insincerely
and again, i feel a boost in my veins
and again, i'm louder than mirrors
and as in the mirrors, voidness space,
and it is me, who takes the best from it
i absorb this poisoned air.
In the ears of mine, i can hear electro heat,
i feel like one man one Jean-Michel Jarre,
rain is pouring through me, sticks to me like fog,
i wrap myself in the warmth of two MDMA's,
someone glances surreptitiously and steals my soul,
you have a backpack full of cash, i have a suitcase full of emotions,
i'm going on a journey through the cursed city
like a hermaphrodite with a broken rod,
streets, like stigmas, cry with hollow screams,
in front of clubs content abortions on the sidewalk,
let's leave this lie, like the walking dead
assertiveness and pride to the gutter washed away.
And again, this booster is kindling my veins
i'm dirtier than a new jerusalem
and similar to it, i'm sticking to everything
and so I'm taking the most out of my heart
and I absorb this poisoned air once again.
and so the booster flows through the aorta
it is flooding my tarred heart,
destination reached.
and my wallet is shimmering with bitter crystal
nothing will change the course of this chemistry,
betrayed. betrayed by their own bodies
vidi, no vici, veni on its own,
and i'm catching a laugh, standing still in the subway
i am still absorbing poisoned air.
hatred.
jealousy.
i've seen enough.
today, in my city, sun rises in the morning.
you will remember this day forever or forget it for eternity.

In flow I’m yet still,
Present here, but eternal;
A mystery clear!

indefatigable fools
fighting currents
Acting all different
just to stand out
Arguing with reality
frightened by normality
Majority ain't got time
for this purposeless rebellion.
Tryin to impress with a
dead dude's philosophy
but got no original thoughts.
Taking big like some prodigy
What a sad parody
Nothing but mindless beans
looking for a way outa
responsability
Social rejection
Drug addiction
blaming side affects of
anxiety and depression
Left behind
bruised and beaten
People shout, "just shut up
Sit back in your sadle
You ain't surviving
this battle;  Life
It hands out punches
just roll with it
go with the flow
No need to stay low, tho
Let 'em know
who's the real you"
But incorrigible fools
ignoring advise
Not worth ego sacrifice
they see no alternative but
a prideful stride to suicide

I am always in awe
of the constant motion of the world

the wind flows over everything and everyone,
sweeping locks of hair out of place
and swirling leaves into the air

the oceans and the seas flow over the sandy floors and ocean rocks,
crashing and ebbing again and again

plants and foliage flow over the earth,
over old abandoned things,
over forests and islands unexplored

and life flows.

life flows in the eye of your baby sister,
in the steam of a hot meal,
in your legs as you run toward someone you miss,
in a song so familiar you don't have to think.

it flows in the conversation between old friends,
in a puppy playing in the snow,
in the shaky hands holding an acceptance letter,
in the voice of someone you love.

and it flows through you. no matter what.

What do you want to read ?
When my heart is heavy with sorrow
i pour my blood
and convert it into ink.
Then, you shower love on me.
You tell me my writing is like wine,
elegant,
beautiful.

Yet when i feel nothing
but happiness
and i pour my heart
onto your feet
you brush it away.
You don't connect to me
and now you don't shower love.
"Your writing is like wine,
elegant,
beautiful,
poisonous."

You don't accept happy
because you don't connect to it.
You flow like the rest
in an ocean filled with grief.
You use me like a mat
and i serve you
waiting for that one day
you clean your sins away.