Something about how it used to be,
makes my heart ache
We both feel it,
even if my pride masks my half
So, do you?
Are you so afraid to admit
What used to be?
That you liked it,
That you miss it,
That you want it in your grasp again
Peace and serenity,
but with the pointless, angry screams
at who I used to be
We'll never have
what once was,
what used to be.

I like to imagine myself as a shield
Casting itself over it’s allies in battle
Saving them from shrapnel and enemy attack
On the front there was color
It has long faded into a plain metallic sheen
The color was not faded in one short stroke of grief
But rather by years and years of wear and misuse
It is filled with scratches
Some from enemies, some from allies, some from myself
On the back there are words
Some that I say all the time
Words like “I’m fine” and “Don’t worry about me”
Others are phrases I wished I heard
“Proud of you, son” “Good job, son”
These words serve to protect the guise
To persuade those who are protected by the shield
To never glance at the battle-worn front
Sometimes the shield is close to breaking
Mostly from overuse
Sometimes it breaks itself
Chipping pieces off wondering why it doesn’t feel whole anymore
What was once a thick, sturdy shield
Has become a frail, flimsy barrier
Ready to break at the slightest hit
It refuses to go easily
As if it were gone who would protect those behind it
How could such an imperative device be so easily replaced
How could others forget its purpose
How could the shield forget its own worth

You were just one grade above me in high school.
You graduated last year.
You made big plans for your life and your future...
... But then the fateful day came fast.
The accident could not be stopped
And no one is to be blamed.

I went to your wake today.
I saw your mom, dad, brothers and sisters.
But who I remember most is your beautiful girlfriend.
You loved her to the ends of the earth,
but you left her behind.

I barley knew you, or ever talk to you
but what I do know is that
No mother should ever have to bury her own son,
It broke my heart seeing all the people you left behind.

As I walked past to view your body one last time,
I prayed
"God, I pray [His name goes here,
but I think it is most respectful not to say his name]
is safe in Heaven with you. I pray for his family. I pray that they are safe and will find hope and have faith in this time of greif"

I hugged your mom, dad, sisters, and brothers,
and your girlfriend
and told them how sorry I was..
.. but no words of mine can bring you back.
Nothing I can say or do can bring you back to us.

Life is short.
At the age of 19, you left us.

Nobody knows when their last day on Earth is,
So all I ask of whoever is reading this is,
To live life to the fullest and do not regret anything.

If tomorrow never comes,
Tell your loved ones that you love them
Apologize
Say "Thank you"
Take risks
Love life
Love your family and friends
and
Forgive your enemies

I like talking to people
Because other people are nice
I don't really like talking to you
Because you used to be nice,
And now you're not.  I don't know why.

But I don't feel nice when I talk to you,
I feel like I'm not being nice to you,
And I don't like that feeling.
Should I stop talking to you?

You make me think of things I have tried to forget for a long time
And I don't like thinking of things again,
Because I thought I had made a decision.
But you bring back the doubts I used to have all the time.
I lived with those doubts.  
They keep me from being happy all the time,
And I don't like that.

I don't know what there is that you can do to change things,
But if you could be nice to me, that would make me feel better about talking to you.
Then, maybe we could come to an understanding.
But I don't understand you, and you don't understand me.

I won't go through the hundreds of thoughts I've had about you,
Because you probably don't want to hear them anyway.
I just wish you were someone I'd never known,
And that I could meet you for the first time
And that we could be simple friends.
We messed that up before by being more than friends,
And now I feel like we are so much less than friends.

I wish we could be nice to each other.
I wish it wasn't my fault, or your fault, or life's fault.
I wish I knew what to do about you.
I hope you're okay, and that I am nice to you, even when I don't feel like it.
I hope you don't think unkind things about me.
I can't help it, I guess.  But I can hope.

And I hope you remember me.