Weeks passed, so did days and months
Half drowned in your love, I am now living a barren life
The shards of hope that once glued us together
Are now crushed to death, reflecting my shattered self

The echoes of deep silences no longer scare me
They are way better than your silence
Your last hit is etched in my mind like our first kiss
It haunts me so much that nothing at all makes even a tad bit of sense

I don't shy away from darkness. I now try to live with it
Even if I am free from your shackles, my mind is lost
It is trying to find enough strength to gather hatred plenty
So it could stitch the bruises you caused

No longer in your arms, in an empty hole, I feel trapped
Getting out of which seems completely unimaginable
So drenched in the rain of emptiness I am
That even in the heaviest downpour, though alone, I aim at being stable

How many times does the word ‘I’ pass these lips?

To believe thoughts about my own inferiority
is akin to denouncing God.
I turn away from my divine birthright
to accept a weakened sense of myself.
It is like Hanuman
upon being told he is Shiva.
But child, if you really knew!
Not in the head,
but here and now,
in this heart.
Can’t you see all the nightmare vanish?
Do you need fancy words?
Can’t we speak plainly?
The purpose of a common tongue.
You asked once, long ago,
to show you the meaning of life.
I have seen.
And I know the only way it can be held
is if I am not holding it.
For it indeed destroys everything.
And yet, in its annihilation is a perfect rebirth.
We speak of ancient things
in plain talk now.
This is what the consciousness has done -
what it has given us.
And we have given ourselves.

So. There are not more questions.
If you like, I can act out
finding a therapist - a psychologist.
Talk to that one
About my speaking with God.
Talk about God speaking through this mouth.
Same like God fills this chest with air -
the breath.
Does it speak to you too?

Emptiness is devouring me alive
I feel alone, even when I have a company
Of the people I love of the people I don't
My mind is drowned in the thought of self-doubt of which from long I had no epiphany.

I am having a hard time expressing myself
There are loads of things I have to say
A sense of inferiority has settled into my bleak thoughts
Knowing there are many people to whom I can, silent I stay

Anxiety has me trapped. I feel suffocated
My ribs are strangled. I cannot breathe, I am in pain
I no longer know whom to speak to and whom to not
All my efforts towards all the people have always gone in vain

The people I once had a close touch with
Have now become mere memories. The ones tickling me bliss, the ones inciting grief
I am invisible to all though, I am always right there
I am tired of getting ignored. I feel like I am an ugly withered leaf

Shining a light through
To a place i cannot see
Searching through the darkness
To find the light in me

It comes and goes in waves
As they crash beyond the sea
Illuminating barriers  
That are longing to be free

i think that most of motherhood is the aching for that feeling;
the feeling of putting every single thing you are too small to fear
into a being that is nearly too small to love;
everything that is terrifying, everything that is menacing,
brought to light, literal light,
in your actual arms.

i am young and fertile and stupid I know.
but there's an ache, a breaking
inside of me, that is terrified
repulsed and jealous, at the thought of gaining
the inexplicable peace of the splitting of my soul
into myself and hope.

Something mooore, for my soul,
Give me the buy, in your fancy store,
Give me the buy, hopefully, I can be mooor can make it feel mooor,
Poor craving soul, wants sraff, staff, staff,
Anything,

I want to buy in your store, something mooor,
Give me mooor, mooor, mooor, mooor,
buy and buy, mooor,  hopefully I can be mooor,
I can make it feel mooor,
So much hope For my soul,

Something to love, so, the next morning I can throw it away,
Looking to buy Moooooor, Happiness,
For my craving soul,

Somebody help me!

Get out my soul!
Out from your store!
Please?!
Close the store door!
I’ll pay you,

People always say
You realize what you had when its gone
Love
But what if love wasn't gone
What if you were apart
What if all it was
Was a piece of your heart
Just something just wanted
But never thought to start

It's this recorder playing in my head
Saying what has happened to your family
You get it too
You'll be torn apart