Uprooted
Time and time again
Transplanted from my comfort zone
To a new place where I have no friends
Shipped off
Away from those I love
Forced to start over from scratch
In a new and hostile living environment
Thrown out
Kicked to the curb
Sent sprawling to the pavement
Isolated once again from all I'm used to

Is it any wonder I'm messed up?
I've got nowhere to call my own
I've been forcefully torn away from
Every place I've ever called home

Once upon a time
a long time ago
in a land far away
there lived a princess,
a damsel in distress;
with a hope
that one day
her life would be made whole
with a kiss from a prince.

A prince,
a hero  of sorts.
He’s fought dragons and
monsters and
thieves.
He defended his kingdom
with all his might
with the hope
that his life would be made whole
with a perfect
damsel in distress.

At the center of the tower,
the one in which the princess lives
is a man,
of an unfortunate, horrible
evil.
And just like the princess,
and the prince,
the antagonist, the
king
is just as cliché as the rest
with a hope
That he will rule the kingdom.

The one guarding the girl,
the damsel in distress,
is the monster -
the dragon,
the one from childhood stories.
He shoots fire from his mouth
the color of blood
and he defends
the princess with all his might,
with a hope that one day
he’ll taste the prince’s blood.

To make a long, curious, story short,
the damsel in distress a while forgot,
her troubles, rescued him from the rot,
and in the process found her way out.

In bitterness, you forget joy
And look upon your life
Like it was always so
In the briefest of joys, you laugh
And skip, and dance alone
Like you never left heaven
Like Love never left you
For a moment

I get worried I'll fail you
every day you succeed
you're too good and I'm selfish
I don't know what to do

have I held myself back
or is it easy to rest
I can't tell if I'm present
So I'm worried I'll fail you

Worried I'll fail you
with a kiss or a touch
with words or a look
do I give you enough

Am I here
Is this love
why can't I tell the difference
Between worry and absence
between passion and desperation

Is this normal
I can't tell
if I'm treating you right
You deserve to be happy
You deserve a fair fight

I'm confused and I'm scared
That I've made a mistake
For your sake
I am hoping its only cold feet

I had this idea
a long time ago
of my future and a man
who was different
one that I didn't know

I was separate
apart from this town and these faces
No memories
just me and a new life

so where do we fit
when its you and its me
when time takes us both
Where will I end up
Where will you be

Was this a mistake
poor timing? convenience?
I don't want it to be
but it feels like I'm losing

and writing this feels like a surrender
a sabotage
because this is good
we are good
why am i worried

im so scared
but I'm happy
I have doubts
but I'm laughing

When we are together
when we are apart
theres a difference

am i shallow
am i selfish
am i stuck up
conceded

I'm confused
I'm scared
I'm guilty

but this time
It has to be you.

I throw my phone across the room
and scream as it shatters against the wall
how could you ever assume that I'd want
to see that content.. Tears easily escape my
eyes as I sit on the floor in distress and hide
my face in one hand. I hate you.  *Hate.

read notes

    It's all becoming darker; I'm becoming darker and this fall is never ending, becoming deeper as the hours past.
     I've tripped over myself and now I'm bubbling in my evils and the abyss of my tears is trying to engulf me.
     Most days I wanna relieve others of my existence but I realize that they've lost their own lives and we've all been placed in this darkness together, only, my dark is darkest and I've become blind to life.
     I reach for the light my Heavenly Father has shun for my rescue but my sinful deeds have chained themselves to my thoughts and are dragging me down, pulling me deeper into the pool that resides in the asylum on the desolate hill in my mind that no one acknowledges.
     I'm no longer important and my thoughts of confirming words are showering down on me.

     Please, I beg, someone save me because I am * drowning*.