Everything feels out of focus,
When we're not in the same room.
Spinning smiles of the hopeless,
Grip your words like an heirloom.
Forlorn puppies hunt through the trash in search of food
Incessant honking pounds my eardrums
Putrid hints of smoke and diesel followed by the overwhelming stench of rotting trash scorches my nostrils
Uncontrollable spice followed by sour lassi irritate my tastebuds
Dirt rests in the barrier between my feet and the floor
Bejeweled saris radiate from neon lights
Quiet mantras echo off the walls of the yoga studio
Aroma of fresh baked dosa weaves up and down streets
The wetness of one pomegranate kernel refreshes my mouth
Slippery canary yellow kheer oozes out of my fingertips
I want to leave but also to stay
Embrace its embrace
And you will grow new
In spite of the length
Of your shadowy face
Because long is the short
Of the time in this place
And though changes are made
At a self-perceived pace
We are meant to endure
We are meant to take place
Would you welcome the change?
In all of it's uncomfortable embrace
Wow... Deja Vu - It's like I've written this before
Time and time again
Transplanted from my comfort zone
To a new place where I have no friends
Away from those I love
Forced to start over from scratch
In a new and hostile living environment
Kicked to the curb
Sent sprawling to the pavement
Isolated once again from all I'm used to
Is it any wonder I'm messed up?
I've got nowhere to call my own
I've been forcefully torn away from
Every place I've ever called home
I saw a therapist the other day. He said I have adjustment issues. I'm inclined to believe him.
So this is longing?
I did not know it hurt so,
Well at least I know.
I'm still afraid of letting go.
Letting go of the bed
I only know how to sleep in
with the AC roaring.
Afraid of what my life will look like
without the seductive smoke
and twist off bottle caps.
I'm just as afraid of walking out the back door,
keeping me inside,
holding me together.
Afraid of the weather
my body has not yet adjusted to.
There's no harmony in heat and some days I think I'll never stop sweating.
I didn't see it coming
but I felt it in every ounce of my being
an impact so heavy that fragments of my fragile self was scattered throughout the street
dizzily I tried to piece myself together
resulting in such a mess
inanimate reflection of distress
so I tore myself a part again and figured I'd lay there in the world
on the pavement
pieces of me in cement
floating away like rainwater, caught in the flood of duress
susceptible to the elements
but I couldn't stay scattered about
being walked upon and forgotten
sweet apathy I didn't care
but care came back all a'sudden
so I tried to sweep me back together this time
armed with scissors and tape and glue
some pieces gone forever to the deep
some pieces too withered to renew
but there I stood
no more the one I thought I knew
But the one I chose to keep
The sun is shining
I am shying away
I hate the sun
It's not fun
Just a reminder
That winter's on its way
I hate the excitement summer brings
It's the tumult before winter
The forced happiness, the pretend gaiety
Summer is not your friend, it's a sticking plaster
For the pain that is the rain of Autumn
Then the cold and snow of Winter
Before spring tries to step in with a zing
To remind us that the false friend summer is on its way.....Again.
— The End —