Away on a short but long trip into pain
my absence brought
a keen yearning for our union
so now we touch
I breathe in your aroma
my heart throbs with joy
and gratitude
for this rich vibrant presence.

Everything feels out of focus,
When we're not in the same room.
Spinning smiles of the hopeless,
Grip your words like an heirloom.

Forlorn puppies hunt through the trash in search of food
Incessant honking pounds my eardrums
Putrid hints of smoke and diesel followed by the overwhelming stench of rotting trash scorches my nostrils
Uncontrollable spice followed by sour lassi irritate my tastebuds
Dirt rests in the barrier between my feet and the floor

Bejeweled saris radiate from neon lights
Quiet mantras echo off the walls of the yoga studio
Aroma of fresh baked dosa weaves up and down streets
The wetness of one pomegranate kernel refreshes my mouth
Slippery canary yellow kheer oozes out of my fingertips

I want to leave but also to stay

Uprooted
Time and time again
Transplanted from my comfort zone
To a new place where I have no friends
Shipped off
Away from those I love
Forced to start over from scratch
In a new and hostile living environment
Thrown out
Kicked to the curb
Sent sprawling to the pavement
Isolated once again from all I'm used to

Is it any wonder I'm messed up?
I've got nowhere to call my own
I've been forcefully torn away from
Every place I've ever called home

So this is longing?
I did not know it hurt so,
Well at least I know.

I'm still afraid of letting go.
Letting go of the bed
I only know how to sleep in
with the AC roaring.

Afraid of what my life will look like
without the seductive smoke
and twist off bottle caps.

I'm just as afraid of walking out the back door,
keeping me inside,
holding me together.
Afraid of the weather
my body has not yet adjusted to.

There's no harmony in heat and some days I think I'll never stop sweating.