sitting here tonight
all i think of is you
i hear your voice
your laugh
i miss you
my darling
i miss you so much

Most first words between lovers start
as a "hello," or a "nice to meet you."
We did not have a first word.
Instead we had a first look;
pure eyes gazing sunlight for the first time.
We also shared a first smile,
maybe out of nervousness, maybe out of awe, most likely out of finding completion.
If time could actually stop, it would've at that exact moment,
because, as self involved and narcissistic as this seems,
you and I meeting caused all stars and planets to align,
and destiny let out a sigh of relief,
for we had found each other
and in a way, by doing so,
found ourselves.

You refuse to believe that every spare moment I have is spent thinking of you,
and even the thoughts I can't spare, you slide your way into my head just where you belong.
You would never believe the light I see you in,
not when I almost bathe myself in self inflicted darkness,
but your light I shine on you and you radiate naturally yourself
guides me from the shadows I try to drown myself in,
and while sometimes you hold my head under the water,
your soft fingers could tangle in my hair and drag me back up from the pitch black sea
and make me believe it was always too shallow to drown myself in to begin with.

I've written endless novels about your beauty,
and sonnets about your mind.
I've sang songs about your heart,
and poems about your soul being a match to mine.
I hold the pen but your existence writes the words.
You are what all poets write about,
and you are what every romantic longs for.
You are inspiration.
You are heaven personified.

How many times have I reminded you that I have an impeccable memory?
That I am both blessed and cursed to remember every word you've spoken: good or bad.
Every look we've shared:
close or far.
And every touch that set every fibre of my being afire,
and how much I long for it every waking moment when you are not connected to me.

We are two parts of a whole:
blue skies and rain,
sun and moon,
you and I and I and you.
I love you with everything I was, everything that I am
and everything that I will ever be.
I will love you even when I can no longer force a beat from my chest.
You are my oxygen and I will never adapt to breathe anything else.

My biggest fear was always living my life without you,
but now it's tied with you never knowing just how breathtakingly perfect you are just by living,
and just by naturally being who you are.

A song from the birds,
I'll translate to define,
I'll say the words,
I am hers and she is mine.
Until no songs are heard,
until the sun cannot shine,
I'll say the words,
I am hers and she is mine,
from this day until the end of time.

The grey coated ashy sky screams that we should in fact be inside. 
But instead I’m rushing across a lawn in black, breaking flats.
With my heart in my chest, and my hands shaking from the rest.
I’m not prepared for what’s to come, for the repentance,
That will be taken, as we lie here hidden away from the sun.
The fluorescent lights are stinging away the outer layers of my eyes.
I can feel my confidence drastically shrinking in size.
All that are in favor stand up, a man in a blue button up calls out
I don’t stand. I’m scared, I don’t want to be the first one to lose
You’re unaware of the magnitude
Of your actions, as you rise.
Thereby sparing me and cursing those that I despise.

I fell in love with your appearance almost instantly.
With the softly curled hair that so gracefully
Rested above your eyes.
I had known you for a matter of minutes
And there it was I was in love.
It was a strange moment in time,
Where your eyes turned around to look into mine.
I felt a connection, immediately, without even a second thought.
Who was this impulsive romantic?
And what had she done with the particularly critical
Normal version of myself? Where had she gone?
My failures have never been so prominent as I’m sitting there
Wasting away in that old uncomfortable creaky plastic chair
I spent the time awaiting my fate,
Dangerously lost in the loose linens of your being
But I assume it’s now about eight
I don’t know exactly what my heart is feeling
I’m absentminded, free. Finally free from the
Troubles and worries of my everyday life.
As my overactive imagination overwhelms the logical side
In a landslide majority vote, I’m lost without a sense of maturity.

And so, I allow myself fall into your eyes, and slightly imperfect smile.
You were almost obnoxiously beautiful, but
With your snide offensive comments, and your homophobic sentiments,
And worse of all your willingness to sacrifice
The shortcomings of others to build yourself up
Was more than a little off-putting, and your arrogance
Was more than a little disgusting
For the image in my mind of us, to ever exist.
Darling, I wanted you to know
That is a future, I will never miss
And I truly hope to never have to see you again after this.

you make me utter words
for you, my love
cannot get a single word
whenever i speak in full sentences

Oh my beloved,
Can you see that I am tying to reach out for you ?
Are you unable to witness the burning love, scorching within my chest setting the distance between us ablaze in a wonderful firestorm?
Softly, a light is burning within my shivering heart, sheltering it from all the loneliness and darkness this world has exposed me to,
Illuminating the very tomorrow, my hopes rise up alike the sun does,
Within golden, pure light a single tear is cast away by my eye,
Ah, phantoms! Surely I will go unnoticed once more, surely there are people who are more deserving of your love than I will ever be,
But, can you fulfil this selfish request of mine, darling?
Can you fulfil the request of such a sinner, who has lost every friend, social interaction or any kind of bond between those whom are near?
Yet I am not sad, because, all I desire is truely to be with you, you see.
So please, love me back, send me a sign so I can know or understand,
After all, your love is worth more than anything on this world,
All I desire is to be with you, Oh Allah ~

~ Umi

Rain baffles the aching windowpane
Between the streams midnight clouds sing
A beating drum of thunderclap
When all is said and done

Somewhere very deep beneath
A sea of tears
and babeled ballast
a sunken dream awaits me

As raindrops pluck the surface
with the tender touch of violin,
I hear your dying cry,
Nearer my God to thee

Take me, take me,
Your deep love and misery
I cling to dry hopes
Upon foundering spires I find their sin

The chill of unknown rope begins,
Alight beyond the reach of man,
They twist and turn all they can,
To rest with forgotten porcelain

How god had laughed in envy of me
to strike his simple icy tune,
tonight I sing his name
last of air I breathe,
this child's toy,
this ripped balloon.

that last gracious song of autumn,
you sang to me that early spring
let it be known
I hold you now,
Forever entombed.

i wont tell you
that you remind me
of the stars.

i wont compare you to something
so vastly different.

you see, darling,
the stars will never
be closer to me
than they are now.
i will admire from afar,
but the stars dont
feel like home.

you feel like home.