There are certain emotions I am unable to process
They’ve left me suffocated. They cause me to stress
Stress over things that might be of no value in the near future
But it is now; they make me feel like I am a complete loser
These emotions go tough on my body but they flow with ease as I bleed on paper
And the feelings I once had for people I loved, are depleting layer by layer.

when your heart shattered
it fell into my open palm

discarded

like the letter you wrote
over and over again
written past tense

with open notebooks and dried out pens
blinking cursor waiting

shards you left behind
embedded in my brain

when roses die
why do thorns remain?

Im longing for something I havent experienced,
It makes me feel heavy that I cant have it.

But in an instant I am angry,
Of things I have and people around me interfere.

And then I sight something nasty,
Quickly I thought disgusting.

Sad, angry, disgust what else,
Confused of what I am really feeling,
But sure it is not good and healthy.

A subject
I've never been good at
it's a 
subject
often spoken 
about. 

What did I learn?
you say.
Not so sure
I add.

What I found
was subtracted and
what was lost
Unexpected.

“if you want something very badly,
set it free.
if it comes back to you,
it is yours forever.
if it doesn’t,
it was never yours to begin with.”
this is all because
everything happens for a reason

I sit cold,
Confused
as to how that can be,
because I have you
seated beside me.

But you are
Drained
of the warmth
I once called
home.

the clouds around me 
they feel differently
they don’t look familiar
they smell like nothing

I wonder what happened
what made them so cloudy
what made me run away
despite how heavy 

I love how they look
yet so confused as to how
something so colorful on the outside
but plain white as a cloud

I’ll continue to admire
from a distance not too close
since they traveled from somewhere i knew
in a place filled with hope.