they say its a key
but I don’t need to unlock it
when I've seen
what's behind them

it doesn't prevent it
but rather demotivates
me 

Yet I sustain
my hope
and wonder.

I push on
until I set off
and I do so 
with as much knowledge
in my head 
as I have power
in my legs.

I hate this
absolutely hate this
how do I 
embrace this?

what's there to
hold
in my mind and
in my hands

I want to
want 
hope
but I can’t 
seem to grasp it

I'm waiting 
for the day
to come
what can I do
with 
what I have?

It’s so loud out here
my edges curl  
and shrivel inward until I am
quiet
the thick bones of my neck collapse
weary from holding up a head
that wants to bow over in despair
but there is a tug
on my heartstrings
and it leads me to the surface
where all the wars are fought
“this is not where you belong”
it whispers
and takes my hand
to guide me under again
“here, where roots are deep, this is the refuge you seek.”

Esther Krenzin

simple acts of love -  
given to me . . .
makes my chest swell
with despair.
when it’s given to me,
i can’t understand it.

When I asked you what song reminded you of me,
you sent me one about a love curse—
about loving someone dearly and missing them,
and when I messaged you some joke about it,
not about the love curse but about the language,
wanting to clarify but not wanting to be direct,
you responded in what almost looked like nerves.
Neither of us brought up the love curse,
but you didn’t say anyone else made you think of a love song;
am I reading too much into it?

I've been there before
but how to describe it?
outside doesn't matter
inside is where it happened
punctured with some poison
what could have started the war?
I can’t sleep at night
knowing I've bitten down that door

swallowed by the air
still shouting for my life
I wonder if we’ll lose


I think it’s a knife


I think it’s some leather
It’s coming alive
We stop for a second

Why was I made to exist? To merely experience life through sorrowful eyes.

I drown so deep, I question all my feelings and try to make excuses as to why I feel a certain way.
Certain ways I don’t even understand.
If I was made to bring a revolution and change perception, then why should I **** myself just by doing so?
So empty and hollow, the wall has enclosed.
If I was born to be misunderstood, why is it so easy for me to understand and accept everyone else, even those who discredit me.

The voices in my twisted mind. Who are they? Are they real? Is it my intuition? Or is it intuition turned into nerve aching anxiety.
Writhing inside of me, eating every part of my disillusioned sanity.
If I seize to exist to help those who put me down and call me crazy, then why is it worth it?

If I could hang myself right now tight around the neck where I might snap my spine... why would it matter?
I’ve accepted being alone, being lonely is now contentment. Peace.
Drained by others negativity, pulling me down like strings by their problems.
If I was meant to show my true form, why is it that I live in different facades.
Questioning who I am every single ****** day.

I hear people constantly talk about me, in my mind.
Is it intuition? Or mere delusion.

I’m dead. Empty. My purpose in life is to physically die so I can finally go back to where I came from. Other dimensions where I truly belong.

Disentanglement, I lose myself in fear.