Forever it seems.
Tormenting my own being.
To be is to survive.
But I want to thrive.
My own worst enemy.
I see the light, yet I taint it with black.
Every time I feel alive.
The words danced from my mouth
Desperate to bring on the rain.
They fell to the ground and shattered.
Fragile though they were,
they fueled thunder and created storms.
I planted their seeds some time ago now. I'm still struggling to set them free.
I want to chew them up and spit them out from where they grow inside of me.
I can feel them now, writhing around,
like poison ivy in my veins.
The bitter taste in the back of my throat,
as they creep up towards their escape.
It's too painful to even try to release them,
So for now I guess they'll stay.
My words are hiding within me, growing darker every day.
Twisting around all that I am and all that I can be.
Taking root withing my bones and soul, a dark forest inside of me.
Once the seed of something has been planted, the idea grows. Harvest them or let them rot.
You know it will burn,
but you bite it anyway,
because it tastes good.
I just lost some of my words.
Although they were few.
I feel like I have lost a lifetime.
Sshhh it's a secret, I said.
"Of Course I'll never break your trust".
So why did you feel with no good end result, break it you must?!
Did it feel good?
What did you gain?
I'm struggling to understand, your need to cause pain?
Don't tell me you didn't realise!
You didn't think it through, I specifically said DON'T MENTION THIS, I specifically said that to YOU .
So what was your end game? What result did you want, surely it wasn't just my secret to flaunt?!
Things said in confidence that are relayed back several times over. Chinese whispers but with malicious intent.
You were taken from me so quickly.
Ripped away without warning.
I wasn't ready and neither were you.
I'm left feeling empty and angry.
Was there something needed that I did not do?
We had plans you and I, not grand ones you see, but just to sit with one another, I read a book and you snuggle on me.
Long walks come rain or shine.
I'd give anything to have you in these arms of mine.
Just one more day.
I thought I had you until your muzzle turned grey.
I thought I had you until I could barely walk and you barely bark, but now I am left, with nothing, nothing but dark.
I miss your big brown eyes and your soft little nose, the little soft curly hairs at the base of your tail, I especially miss those.
I long so much to hold you again, it hurts so much to need you, my little friend.
Though I will never fear the kiss of death again! For I know it is you who will greet me when I meet my end.
If I could of had just a little more time......