when do you think of me?
because i am haunted by you;
every time i step into the shower,
soaked in reminders to scrub behind my ears.
'dont forget to', you used to say.
no, even now i never forget to-
i scrub in remorse,
burdened by anger,
plagued by betrayal,
unclean even after my skin
is rubbed raw,
clung onto by your sins;
somehow, i am not allowed to forget you.

drenched, i can only ask your memory:
'when do you think of me?'
because i hope it is never,
just as much as i hope it is
a very hellish, 'always'.

Those who don't feel the Earth turn like I do,
How sweet is their slumber?
Unknowing, unable to see the stars that are falling
But I could not, could never not,
Know the **** of gravity that pulls me under

I am.
I am a cold, crisp autumn field.
I am a plush scarf in the breeze,
I am omnipresent, and yet never near.
I am a crackling fire in a winter freeze.
I am crumbling, cold, and free.
I am encumbered by the slush and snow.
I am waiting toe-to-toe.
You have seen me,
slouched, burdened, fatigued by the stress of the day,
waiting in the back of the bus bay.
I am all, and I am more.

He sat at the edge of the Earth, and night after night, the moon told
secrets to his mocking blue eyes, secrets that no one else could ever, ever begin to understand.

i once took shame in this struggle.
closed blinds,
empty body
'nobody needs to know'

believing myself to be a burden, i buried myself.

i spent years decomposing,
cold and unrecognizable.
a fossil of my former self.

but now i hold the shovel
and free myself from this earthen cage.
i am beginning to understand that there is beauty in asking for help,
and i have planted the seeds of self love.
watch as they grow roots and blossom

-here's to a fresh start

If you know you're wanted,
Please don't take that for granted.
Because someone you know
Doesn't know. Doesn't believe.
Has had peers tell them
They're a burden.
They hear it so much, they believe it.
If you're reading this,
And you're feeling this way,
Let me be the first to say...I want you.
I want you to live.
I want you to not be afraid to love.
I want you to find courage and pride.
I want you to rise above.
Because I've been there.
And you deserve to feel wanted.

You left me. How could you?
I relied on you the most.

You kept me grounded. Didn’t you know that?
I was strong because of you.

You were my confidant. Why aren’t you here?
I knew my secrets were safe with you.

We shared the same burdens.
But now that you are gone, I carry all of them.

I know I should not be mad.
It wasn’t your fault, but why couldn’t you live?

I miss you.

It is heavy—
the burden you carry.
Suffocating—
inside, you’re aching.
Will decreases—
you’re ready to shatter to pieces.

Yet, there’s fire.
Your eyes blaze with anger, desire.
Feel it burning—
all its power, deep, twisting and turning.
Let it out, then—
and escape from the weight of the burden.

The moonlight.

It’s silver, it’s calming—it brings me some hope.

Its presence, though distant, is constant.

It lightens the burden of sorrows

until I am lost in these horrors.

What makes me – imposter? a monster?

I shiver; it’s frightening—I plead all to stop,

to rewrite—

the moonlight.