It hits me
Like a ton of bricks
Every single time

Sometimes
I’m not strong enough
To get back up


Brick by brick
I’m hit

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her cross to the other side.

The two monks glanced at one another because they had taken vows not to touch a woman.

Then, without a word, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side, and carried on his 
journey.

The younger monk couldn’t believe what had just happened. After rejoining his companion, he was speechless, and an hour passed without a word between them.

Two more hours passed, then three, finally the younger monk could contain himself any longer, and blurted out “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?”

The older monk looked at him and replied, “Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her?”

moments when i can run my fingers against the fogged up windows and see

the glass feels so thin right then
like we could just make one synchronized move together and it would break

through the glass i can see calmness
ease
love
there is no wall anymore, no glass
only surmountable obstacles we know we can endure

just past this glass

the glass isn’t going anywhere anytime soon though
it will stay no matter how much we pound at it

our hands are still bleeding from the last time we tried, remember?
of course you do
it feels like you take pride in never forgetting

i know- this never can be
i know it’s just pretend
but i like to wipe my sleeve across the glass anyways
eyes squinting
heart racing
just to see a glance of what could be
i’ll press my lips against the glass
pretend we’re kissing
hold my hand
imagine it in your head
while i place my hand on cold hard glass instead
imagine the heat was able to transfer through
imagine how warm my arms would feel around you

but that isn’t what we do

you love to fog up the glass
standing there from the other side
you love to push this away
even though i’m already as far away
as i could ever be
and while you hastily breath a puff of vapor into the freezing air
i watch as it blurs my view
distorts your face
and i turn away from the window
push my back against bricks
and wonder how i could shake the world so the glass would shatter and lead to a path
right to you
but there’s nothing i can do

we stand on opposite sides
wishing left and right was just
Here.