You spent your last days in a hospital room
One month before your beating heart stopped
You were drifting away to the door of your tomb
I bought your last gift from the hospital shop.

They brought to your room a brown teddy bear
A soft, furry friend to make you feel loved
A message from me, to show you I cared
To hold on your journey to Heaven above.

No family or friends to comfort you there
Forgotten and lonesome, in white sheets, you lay
I picture you clutching your brown teddy bear
Kind gift from my heart as your life slipped away.

You are my
favorite,

the first

I could pick out,

among far off lights
in chaos.

You shone to me
in Strawn, Texas
when I was a child
with my grandfather
on his deer lease.

You were the last
I saw before bed,

You were still there
when we woke
in the early morning.

You are a hunter too,
your bow pointed forth,
and sword
hung low,
like the gods
used the stars
to sketch something
inappropriate,
like the sky was their science
journal from
middle school.

You followed me
like the bear.

I saw you
on Fall nights
in college,
on my back
in my backyard
with burnt ash
on my T-shirt,
through an
unfocused
tequila telescope.

But now, in this city,
I don't see you
as often, or maybe
I've seen you the wrong
way all along.

Maybe like we see the world
from the floor down,
we see you hunting the bear
when in mirrored reality, you run
from the beast

and I can't blame you
because we all
do,

or maybe
you're not even there
anymore,
we just don't know it
yet, because as fast as things
change, like
youth,
seasons,
perceptions,

Maybe you've burnt out,

Maybe the bear caught you
swallowed you whole
into his black-

stomach.

Maybe I should
start running
so he doesn't
catch me too.

Shark and Grizzly wander in and out
Nightmare-

More so than psychotic humans
Scary thought-

I live in the city

Emptied; by past astounded
Dreamt disasters unfounded.

But you. To bear.
Bury myself in you.

Instead keeping my ground
To bed sleeping is bound
Unspoken tones across
                a planet, how profound
Awoken stones no moss
                we plan it, rolling now around

In eachother we drown
within deep resounding
  Finding you surround me
   Serenity has found me.
   And i let love confound me.

And you. To bear.
I bury me in you.

I protect you from bear traps
It seems like you've pushed me into a few.
But I've gotten better and I've forgiven you.
But you still get injured from tripping over twigs.
I've taken the blame because its what I'm use to.
Why won't you grow up and take care of yourself.
You stumble and fall too easily.

You have so many opportunities
but you act like you have none.
I try
I really do
to point them out.
But all you want to do is be
a toddler and play and wait
for everything to come to you.

like it has all your life.

I'm starting to realize something.
I'm losing hope in you.
I see no reason why I am still helping you.
You're not even trying!
Be a freaking man!
YOU have two feet
YOU have two hands
Take some responsibility
and stop thinking everyone will forgive you when you ***** up
The world isn't out to get you
but it definitely leave you behind if you let it.

You're gonna fall a lot,
but I don't feel like sticking around to help you heal
after tripping over air.
I've been around for it too many times.
I don't even see anything in it for me
anymore.
I have too many wounds to take care of on my own anyways.

Come to me when you've finally felt the gut wrenching pains from the bear traps
and be able to get through it on your own.

But I know you won't.
You will just keep tripping over twigs
and blaming the world for your cuts.

Sunlight beaming through the windows I
did not expect what I’d found.
Brown faded boxes scattered to and fro
little did i know what I’d find right below.

In one box, as normal as the others,
I found a friend from years long past.
My teddy bear...unwashed,
its ears weirdly bent, its eyes on its last.

Then, the memory hits me.

Back to a sunny day,
a time when I needed not worry
of complicated things.
A day just spent with this bear by my side.
Frolicking the fields and
getting my shoes ***** from all the mud.

Oh how I yearn to live in a time long gone,
when it was all still simple
and when it was all still sweet.