navigating the linoleum tile barefoot and gripping the floor to feel the sand in my toes; the sand you told me would be here.
the fluorescent lights didn't warm me like the sun that tanned your skin but rather emphasized the lack of life I radiate.
I feel the ocean waves of paperwork flood my spot here on the beach where I sit next to you. I watch you tackle and surf each wave with breeze while I drown in the tides.
my fear overcompensates me and I stay on the edge of the beach while you swim in a deep blue abyss light years away from me.
the sharks ride under your board but you dodge their bite, the bite that keeps me from stepping out into the ocean.
and from miles away, I see the sun set over the ocean you've made your home, and from  my place on the shore, I can see the waves calm down for this moment. this moment where I no longer long to be a fish in your oceanic tank, but rather the salty sea breeze that lingers in the air even after the waves have fallen.

She had no reason and I wasn't going to ask.
Her  body left as her thoughts I was removed from long ago.

The rides that we viewed from the pier the sunrise and passed drinks I was a phantom a shadow of the man who gave all to the page and nothing to her.

No magic holds more true than the waves crashing endless into the fading darkness shore .

I had stood long before and I would stand long after .
They all leave you empty as when you first met.

This was far from my last .
The page held more than a shallow hearts departure .

There's no regret in goodbye .
Just a change if scenery.
A bottle in the sand and my thoughts to themself

She left the room.
And left me together thinking I'd be torn apart.

But my thoughts are all that has ever been the whole of me .

And the silence played endless in perfection with the crashing tide.

Your passion remains where they leave just the same.

My eyes unlatch and hollow bones come to life
Gravity presses me under
Carving my own space into this world
I wish it were that easy
I wish i could understand why a hellish sphere of flames drives people to insanity
Makes my skin glow, riveting down my spine to the intangible corners of my morality
Back to an eternal loneliness, just me and my silhouette
All my worries in harmony with reality
Lost at mind and found in thoughts
And forgotten in a grassy paradise where the only touch is thoughts left by others
buried and grown nipping at my legs
Yet this a serendipity  
A serendipity to have something holding me back
Tearing the skin off my pale hands
Tangling my chances until they find me
Maybe another day

She’s hot and wet when she greets me in the morning,
I know of no better way to wake up.
And when I need her she is always there,
She fills my loving cup.

It is an affair that has been going on for years,
And she will continue to comfort when I’m old.
When I am down she perks me up,
She warms me when I am cold.

Dark and bold she comes to me,
More beautiful than any sunrise.
Like a gypsy with her magic charms,
She has the power to open tired eyes.

Though some folks may criticize her,
Pointing out her mother’s a Columbian nut.
And yes, those South Americans are a bit hot-blooded,
But I just smile and say “So what?”

For coffee and I are partners in life,
From her I will never stray.
And should anyone try to get between us,
They will surely rue the day.

10-01-15.

Here I feel the tears
Making their way
Racing their way
Marking the scars forever.

Here I think I hear
The sweet lullabies
Settling on my eyes
Drowning me in darkness.

Here I think I smell the sadness
Making way for me
Taking away from me
My joys.

But still I think
The spark's still there
It begs to reignite
Its pledge to take up a fight
And we will be the
Few of the ones
Who survived...
Another night.

It's getting closer.
I can feel it.
The bottom.
What a lonely place to be.
What a rocky trip this is.
What cruel fate awaits me.
Or at least this me;
There's another one of those apparently.
Another that is angry,
That is mad and that is getting fed-up with being so oppressed.
Another that wishes to speak,
Another that longs to breath.
She pushes me to speak out of turn.
She pushes me to seek out air.
It's getting closer!
I can feel the shift in the air,
the changing currents of the underlying tides.
I'm scared the fall will hurt..
Not only me but those around me.
I feel like a ticking time bomb and there is no way to stop it,
to subdue it to avert it.
It's getting closer.
It's almost over.
...

It's funny how something so simple like a high school  heartbreak can hold such a dark grudge on your heart. All these poems and all my cries. My venting and worrying all gone. My life feels so much lighter. Happier. You dont notice that your being held back until your finally released. One message. One message, changed this all. I put my ego to the side and talked to you first. After months of unanswered calls. We made ammends. I can breath without worrying what I intake. You don't realize you need peace until it reaches you outside of your nightmares. Peace, it's the only thing holding you back from reaching beyond your state of mind.

I ate a whole thing of oreos in front of you,
and then,
*I ate another.