I sat

in the dark.

Into the corner,

cowered.

Shaken, trembled.

Tears danced and slid,

into the creases of my face.

The tears had that salty aroma and tang,

that reminded me when you squeezed lemon slices

in my eyes and poured salt over the pus.

I didn’t mind then and I still don’t.

My eyes weren’t as red then.

I wasn't alone then.

i didn't know you quite well
i just knew you hated
yourself
and loved disney films
and musicials

(i hate musicials and disney)

we sat at the same lunch table
2013
i remember your cotton sleeve
wiping across the corner of my left eye
because there was a storm brewing in them
and it flooded

you talked of
that boys don't know
better
and told me to stay
strong

how can someone who is not strong themselves
encourage me to do something
that they can't even triumph

you fell ill around december
or was it november?
i can't remember.
you almost followed the footsteps
of your lost nephews (two and five)
why couldn't you absorb your nutrition?
was your destiny to see the mortician?

(no.)

but you left the hilly suburbs of ohio
to go where the sand storms
and the palm trees sway
and the salty bays lay.

alex, alexandria
(defender of man)
i still remember those sleepless green eyes
filled with defeat and woe
and yards of wavy tangled brown hair
that flowed.

Snow isn't pretty.

Snow just shows what you’ve could of been;

pure, clear, clean and untouched,

and eventually gone.

You’re the snow in populated areas.

*****, sludgy, and walked upon by everyone.

You make people slip and crack their heads open.

To be drained into the polluted river

and become the grimy water he drinks from the tap

and the bitter aftertaste that lingers.

My arteries turned
into overgrown tree limbs
when I first saw you.

I’m lying down in the ground
as the sun shines its rays
right inbound
on me.
hounding me
(surrounding)
Without a sound

Or is there?
A ringing
or dinging
a pinging
maybe a constant stinging.

I wouldn’t know.

Could be the blood pulse
or the sea dulse wrapping
the seashells doing their sins
or
a pair of siamese twins
trying to
dance and
lance and
advance on my grave
(how brave! how brave! i hope they cave)

germinated spouts
and terminated doubts
with exterminated outs.

The bath water
is the colour of my eyes;
yet, I don't know
which is wetter.

Dingy sheets woven with the loose
Limbs of the two forbidden lovers
Come on, we can be true
Shakespearean
Tragedies

You can ******* poison and
I’ll draw out your dagger
(oh Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?)
(Are you mine?)

Please just tell don’t my mother
I don’t want her to stagger
Or my father
Not your father, it won’t matter
Because he’s decaying splatter
Everyone will smatter.
In the end of it all,
We’ll just be too flattered.

I smash open my skull and pry apart my frontal lobe ,
so I could forget how your smile made me felt.

I pull my teeth out with a pair of rusty pliers,
to make me forget the taste your tongue left me.

I tear my fingernails off and replace them with sharpened glass between the ripped flesh,
to forget the tender sweet touch from your hands.

I gorge my eyes out,
so I can forget how you used to look as you slept.

I stab my ear canals with scissors,
to forget the sound of you laughing.

I plug my nose up with mothballs,
so I forget how your clothes smelt when I wore them.

I peel off my skin piece by piece
to forget how soft your skin was.

I can’t forget.

I remember the shakiness of hands
held within mine (i was shaky)
Or the falling hair strands
drifting into the space of time
or in my spare bedroom
where our love once bloomed
let’s start off where we resumed


to Japanese back translate

I remember the trembling of the hands
Is held in the mine (I was unstable)
Or falling hair
The drifting in time of space
Or in my spare bedroom
Place our love, it bloomed once
We’ll start where Resume

The night had an overcast
As we went star gazing
so I drew lines connecting my arms’ freckles
To see the constellations
stared into your pupils
because I wanted to see the galaxy

I love 

with a tender

and a touch

and a want

and a must

and a need

And I bleed

and I plead 

And I agreed

and I decreed

With a wish
To just get
A single kiss.

There was once a guy named Tom
who dropped an hydrogen bomb
and all went ka-bam
that broke all the dams and he swam
where he eventually ended up in Guam.

The dream boy I want
or no, should I say the man
yes, he's a man, a grown one
his age left boyhood 8 years ago
but his demeanor says otherwise. (sometimes)

I already have him.

He's not very tall, only beat me by a slim
3 inches
and his crooked fingers from
breaking all them
fit nicely into mine
a broken jigsaw puzzle.

he wears a flat cap like an Irish newspaper boy
maybe it's because he's from potato famine land

His breath lingers of cigs
and alcohol
with his grade-A Alfie Neuman smile
and oh god, those everlasting deep dimples
how can i forget to mention those pacific ocean eyes
corazón de oro

everything leaves me in awe
take me
take me
take me
love me

we'd have the same initials if we married

but all i want now is just to be able to
touch
hold
caress
love
him.

Chainsmoking cigarettes 

because I’m worried of 

getting lung cancer

I close my eyes
and the world drops dead
the cold pierces
my skin with sharp lead.

And your words hit me with a slam
and all I did was just bled and bled
It was all just made
up in our heads.

The sheets that once laid
across OUR bed
Now just contain one of each
and my arms reach for you, outspread.

I ponder and question why
did you stop and fled
Why couldn’t we just understood
after all that misread and misled.

Now my fingers crawl
and they tread on the loose threads
All there is to do is to hope
and to look ahead and miss the unsaid.