I need your love
Like I need the pills
My doctor prescribes me
I need all your kisses
Like I need the air in my lungs
I need your body
Like I need the heart in my chest
I need your mind
Like I need the feel of writing
To let my thoughts escape
I need your voice
Like I need the stars in the sky
And the sun and then moon
I need your eyes
Like I need you.

I hate the rain because it's only enough to get my feet wet, and not enough to let me drown.

I used to think you were my safety net, that if I fell you'd be there to catch me.

Now, I've realized you were just a brick wall that when I fell I crashed into it like a wrecking ball and you weren't there to build me again

Take my hand

And watch me go

To places that are unknown

Follow my feet

Under this bridge

Down the rabbit hole

To meet again

Just like Alice

Lost in wonderland

Maybe my head is rushing into things but I can't stop thinking about him. The way his eyes slowly lifted to mine when he knew I was admiring him. The way his lips curled into a smile and he has just one dimple on the side of his cheek. The way his hand felt tangled in mine was a feeling that could cure cancer. The way his arms felt wrapped around my body like a blanket felt around you by a fire. The way I felt his heart beat so fast was a moment I can't even fathom to put into words. Maybe my head is rushing into things, but I just can't help it. I wanted to stay, not because he was beautiful in every way, but because his eyes were this soothing color of brown that made you heart melt into the palm of his hand. Because I couldn't stand the thought of going home to lay in bed alone. Because I wanted to feel his presence for so long that it would die with me and follow me to my grave. Maybe my head is rushing into things but I can't stop thinking about him.

As the air left my lungs, I new this was the end. As I laid there starring into the sky above my ceiling I knew that I was happy with the choices I've made and that life would go on for those who weren't me. I knew this day was coming, the water was drowning my lungs and as I was drowning I saw a light that was so white I thought I was going blind, but then I saw his face and I knew we were meeting again for the first last time.

I can't even pass by your house without feeling this emptiness in my chest.

You just wanted someone to *******.

Why did you hurt me? Why did you break every piece of my heart? I loved you with everything and you shattered me. I tore down my walls for you and you left me in ruins.
I have cried rivers and I have climbed mountains for you and I used to love the view when you get to the top but now all I can think is why don't I just jump?

I have starred into the eyes of the unknown and there is no coming back.

I have met the voice of the devil and his sweet songs replay in my head.

I have seen the lies hidden in the bottomless pits of hell and the souls have swallowed me.

I have heard the cries of a thousand eyes and there will be no more tears left in me.

I have danced in the rain with the man in black and he has kept my soul.

I have walked with the woman who haunts me and she said that death will soon come.

I have slept with evil and darkness has consumed me.

My body is starting to decay without you

You broke me. Completely shattering every piece of my well being. Tearing apart my insides like a game you love to play.

Staring into his eyes I was kissing the devil in the pale moonlight.

I am far past my breaking point
Loving wasn't made for me
And life isn't what I thought it would be
Flowers die when I walk by
And trees loose their leaves
I am far past my breaking point
Mountains are a danger to my heart
Calling my name so I can step my foot off the ledge
Bridges are burning and I crave the jump into the ocean and let the water swallow my soul
Confinement seems like heaven so no one will share my sickness
Death is glimpse of hope through my grey colored eyes
I am far past my breaking point
Losing grip from my rope that has anchored me down for times on end
Crying is a constant and screaming in a definite
Cigarettes burns in my jeans and holes through my lungs is okay with me
I've come to love my darkness and be okay with my sadness
Because I am far past my breaking point

Tears are falling from my eyes though it feels I am crying boulders when each step I take is walking into a crater full of hate.
Cigarette between my teeth rotting my lungs and staining my teeth, filling me with smoke I breathe out air full of lies.
Pieces of my heart dropping from my heart as an angel drops from heaven when it loses its wings.
Demons in my head screaming out for attention but everybody is dead. Dreadful cries spreading through souls like wildfire, lighting flames to all the world.

Love is a scream into nothingness with hope strings like twine holding onto hearts full with lust.

Fallen into the crevices love is broken into tiny fragments breaking and shattering while people walk along its paths.

Hearts strug together with lust filling it's cracks and taking back the love we were given. Passion from love has left us barren filled with empty lungs and shaking hands.

I have fallen in love with my sadness
But I am consumed by my madness

She looks at herself in the mirror,
Examining her face and aging wrinkles
Her eyes turn towards me, i know she hates what she sees.
She watches herself in the mirror tears swelling in her eyes.
She shifts to the left and grabs her razor,
Slitting her throat and screaming.
why is there blood streaming down my neck
I glance in the mirror
She's me, dying in the bathroom with a cut just below her jawline
The walls are going dark and all I see is red.

These dark waters crowd the minds of soulless lovers buried deep in the ocean sea. Where love is breaking like ocean waves. Lovers stand in these dark waters, bringing knifes to there chests and dark waters turn red.

Break me free, from this prison you have kept me in.
Let me go, spread my wings so I can breathe again.
I need air in my lungs and grass under my feet.
Take me away from these gray walls and concrete.
there are bars along the walls and you come to say hello,
You bring a red rose.
I know your trying to show me love,
But I am grey.
Your red rose is white in my eyes.

I used to love the sound of your voice now it screams in my head and my ears are bleeding

I look at this ring every night before I fall asleep, you have this to me the day you asked me to finally be yours. I felt so loved, and cherished. This ring reminds me of such a simple time, when life was working out for a change, and everything seemed to be going right. It reminds me why I stay, why I put up with all the ******* you throw at me. It reminds my heart that you were once a man I was so deeply in love with, that I couldn't bare to not be with you. It reminds of the times you treated me like I was your last breath and all you wanted to say was "I love you." It reminds of when I was your princess and all you wanted was to treat me like an angel.

Now, I stare at this ring. It has left a ring of white wrinkled skin underneath. I stare at it and all I can think is what does it mean, what were you trying to say when you gave it to me? Was it a promise that you knew you could never keep? Was it a lie to shield your heart? Was it this deep fear in your soul that you knew would shatter me? It reminds me of the man I knew before the you you are now. The man who loved me unconditionally. The man who wanted nothing more than a laugh at his expense. Nothing more than a smile that he created. The man who took me in his arms late at night when the demons in my head started to drown me. Who stood by me when my mother drank to much and my father yelled so loudly. The man who took my hand in the breaking waters. The man who wiped my tears before they fell. The man who loved without question.

what happened to the man I once knew?

"And with my last shaking breath I'd ask you why."

I have loved to many boys
Who weren't made to love me

I promised you that I would follow you into the dark, but I never knew that the darkness was buried deep inside your chest

I'm in pain
I cry when I wake up
And I cry when I drift to slumber
There is ache inside my heart
And my soul is lost in an abyss of darkness
There is no feeling in my fingertips
And no beating left in my chest
I'm in pain

I feel like a sad story, and no one wants to read me.

It was the first party she was invited to, she knew that the only reason people wanted her to come was because she was having a fling with one of the popular kids. One of the guys who wore the short shorts and southern tide shirts with his hat flipped backwards. She didn't even like the sight herself, but she had just been broken up with from her previous boyfriend and she was feeling lonely. He came onto her about one month after the break up, it was the middle of summer and he was always around hanging out with her brother. She remembered the time when she first really noticed him, they were picking up her brother from work late and night and she was switching from the driver’s seat to the back seat. She was moving things out of the seat when suddenly her brother pulled forward in the car and the wheel was on top of her foot. She was screaming to the top of her lungs and as Brandon leaped out of the car Andrew finally drove forward and the tire slowly released her foot. Brandon picked her up like a husband picks up his wife when they first get married. He placed her in the seat and untied her shoe trying to relieve the pressure. It was the size of a cantaloupe. She was crying from all the pain and her brother raced home to get her mom. They pulled up beside the house and Brandon came to the side and picked her up again cradled in his arms, he placed her on the couch and sat beside her to wipe away the tears streaming from her face.

Brandon taps her shoulder and she realized she was day dreaming of a better time, he motioned forward to the table and she realized that someone had poured shots. "Great" she thought, "the last thing I want to do is drink ***** with all these people around me." She took one and all the sudden everyone was cheering. Thinking to herself she wanted to get as far from here as possible but she didn't want to be the "loser" everyone thought she was. "You look stunning tonight." Brandon said when he was close to her ear. "Thanks, it's kind of a stupid costume thought don't you think?"
"Not at all, you look nice as a **** Santa." She felt so uncomfortable in that stupid costume, she went shopping two weekends ago to the Halloween store next to the mall. She couldn't decide what to wear so her friend picked out a "**** Santa" costume and said that all the guys would notice her in this. She felt her stomach turn. She didn't want people to notice her but she didn't think she could look at these ridiculous costumes any longer.

I feel so out of place, she thought to herself as the drinking went on and the music was growing louder. I don't belong with these people. Brandon wrapped his hands around her waist and she could smell the alcohol coming from his mouth as he tried to kiss her, he was beyond wasted. "Don't you think you might want to slow down a little bit?" She said to him. "What's wrong, this is a party you should be as drunk as I am." He laughed so loud, if she was deaf she would have been able to hear him. It was past midnight and she was getting sleepy, she figured she needed to slow down so she could actually drive back home. She was staying at her mom’s place so her mom wouldn't care if she came home wasted. Why not right? It's a party. So she drank until the room was spinning and she couldn’t stop giggling. She grabbed the bottle and chugged, “Woah, look who was telling me to slow done, how about yourself?” She laughed, “Well I thought you said I should have fun, this is what fun looks like right?” “Do you want to get out of here?” As soon as the words came out of his mouth she headed for the toilet and threw up whatever she was drinking and the dinner she ate before the party.  Brandon had sobered up overtime and drove her car home to her place, with her head hanging out the window so she didn’t throw up everywhere in her car. He pulled up outside her house and she already knew the words that were going to come out of his mouth, “Can I stay?” She felt her stomach turn to knots, and as she worked up the courage to say yes, she threw up right outside her front door in the bushes. He helped her up the stairs to her room, and she told him he could stay if he wanted. So he did. She wasn’t feeling as dizzy anymore so she finally changed into shorts and a tank top for bed. Brandon was laying in his boxers, and although she liked the sight she wasn’t sure this is what she wanted, but her thoughts were all jumbled together anyways she couldn’t think straight. Laying down, the dizziness came back and her stomach felt uneasy, she didn’t know if it was from the ***** or because an eighteen year old boy was basically naked lying beside her. She wanted to tell him that this was a bad idea and he should just go home but she knew he wouldn’t listen, he never did.

The clock turned to three am, and she felt him push against her, she looked over at him wondering what he was trying to communicate to her, and that’s when she realized he wanted to have ***. All she could think was no. There was no way she was losing her virginity on Halloween night when she’s still drunk and can barely see straight. Her thoughts couldn’t make their way to her mouth. She felt like a mime, only able to speak with her hands, but she couldn’t even move. His hands were now on her stomach forcing down her shorts and underwear. All she could think was no. There wasn’t a sound able to escape her mouth. She was trying to wiggle her way out of his touch but his grip suddenly tightened around her stomach keeping her stationary. Her moved his body on top of her and began forcing himself upon her. Tears were staining her bed sheets but she wasn’t screaming for help, her mouth wouldn’t let her. Instead, she cried silently still trying to break free from his body encaging her like a prison. He forced himself upon her again and kept forcing himself until she started to wail. He acted as if he didn’t hear her. No, this is not what I wanted, this isn’t what was supposed to happen. Why is he doing this? She thought as he pushed harder unto her. He loosened his grasp on her arms and she broke from his prison and ran to the bathroom, there was blood, so much blood. Red marks covered her arms and thighs. She didn’t want to go back in there but she didn’t know what else to do, she waited thirty minutes before entering her room only to realize he was fast asleep. She noticed all the blood on the sheets and just cried herself to sleep.

It was sometime in the early morning when she woke up, and he was gone. She heard someone at the door and shot up wondering if it was him, she peeked out the curtains and let out a sigh, Thank god it’s not him, was all she could think. She walked down the stairs realizing how much her body ached. Opening the door, her best friend walked in and she lost it. She began crying in her friends arms telling her everything that had happened last night and all her friend could do was stand there in shock until she finally stopped crying. “You have to go to the police!” Amber said. “No, Amber I was so drunk and stupid they won’t believe me when I tell them what happened. They will tell me that it wasn’t ****. They will tell me that I didn’t say no!” she cried. “Michelle, if you don’t go to the police your just going to let him get away with this? I told you her was a horrible person and yet you still fell for his stupid tricks and look what happened. He ***** you Michelle, can’t you understand that?” “Yes, I do understand. But I didn’t say no, I didn’t scream to get him off of me I just laid there imprisoned and took it.” She said so quietly it wasn’t even a whisper. “I’m so sorry.” Amber said and she motioned for Michelle to come into her arms for an embrace. “It will be okay.”

"If I told you I was fine, would you believe me?"
No, he said in a hushed voice I could barely take as a whisper.
He told me that everyday when he asks if I'm okay he is waiting for me to tell him I'm doing great, He said that he knows I'm not fine because of the way I say it, "the sadness in your voice is so painful to hear, it could make my ears bleed and my heart stop beating."

I went to the hospital to see him because they told the family that he would soon pass but he was holding on for something.
He was my moms father, my grandad.
All I saw was him lying there on the hospital bed basically dead. He was suffering so much to just be able to breathe.
I watched his chest beating but I knew the machines beside the bed were making him breathe.
I know he wanted to let go.
He couldn't speak, nor see.
I held his head in my hands and said goodbye and kissed his forehead.
We left the hospital.
The next morning we got a call saying he died in his sleep last night.
I couldn't even bring the tears to my eyes.
It was just shock.
I saw his only the night before, still alive but barely.
It's Wednesday morning and the funeral is at two.
I'm wearing this ugly black dress that's too long for my liking but we have to be appropriate because "that's what he would want"
He was a horrible man, he cut me and my family out of his life ten years ago, wanting nothing to do with us.
He wouldn't even recognize me now.
It was an open casket and he looked like a stuffed doll.
A wedding ring on his finger and a nice suit and tie around his body.
I was waiting for him to wake up, saying that he wasn't really dead, the suffering just magically stopped.
I rest my hand on his shoulder and his body was so cold I could feel the ice stretch through my arms making my body shiver.
They led us through a dark room and told us to take our seats.
The pastor only talked about God when my grandad wasn't even a Christian man.
Asking us to raise our hands if we had excepted Jesus Christ into our hearts and all these hands were raised in the air except mine.
I felt his eyes stare me down so I put my head down staring at the tile my black heels were standing on.
The floor was caving in and it was hard to breathe.
There was an American flag resting on his casket.
I realized that this funeral wasn't for the dead, it was for the people who were still alive.
It wasn't a celebration for the man laying in the casket.
It was a gathering for people to whisper and judge.

i am a ******* mess

i am a ******* mess

i am a ******* mess

i am a ******* mess

Your face turned black
And your eyes were brown
Your skin wasn't your skin
And the ink that marked you was never there before
And you above me,
Looking down on me, dominating me
And your hair is buzzed when it should have been thick and curly.
I know who this monster is that formed over your skin.
I know it's not you, I know it's my mind telling me that this is not right.
I ask you to stop because I'm going to be sick.
You stop.
He didn't.
Running to the bathroom and slamming the door colapsing naked on the floor.
Hanging my head over the toilet the tears begin to form.
Then the suffocating feeling in the deepest part of my heart starts.
And the dry heaving begins, my eyes blur with sweet salty tears and everything goes black
My hearing is muffled like my body is submerged under the sea.
My head starts to ring
And my mouth starts to sob and scream.
My body shakes and I feel her hands on my shoulders pulling me into an embrace, waking me out of my trance she looks at me with tears and her eyes.
Grabbing all the life I had she pushed me into reality.
Telling me it's not time to go yet.
A fallen angel was right under my nose yet I couldn't see it.
But you didn't even check to see if I was still breathing.

I asked him, "tell me your deepest secret."

"I don't have any secrets." He said

I told him that everyone has a secret or a lie bundled inside their chest.

He told me that no one has given me a reason to lie, or a secret to keep.

"Then I guess you must be perfect, because my soul is full of lies I've told. My heart is full of the secrets that have been left unspoken." I said.

"Can you tell me?"

Dear Trevor Matthew May,

One day far from now, you'll look back on this. You might read it once and shove it in the top right drawer of your desk, or you might re-read every single line till you have it memorized. Maybe you'll take a quick glance at it and blur all the words together to make just one black shadow on the paper. At least it will make you think of me...

Once i told you, that the moon makes me think of you. I remember when i thought that. I was sitting on my back porch smoking a cigarette with Lewis Watson "sink or swim" playing in the background. Which we decided that was our song. The moon was just a sliver through the evergreen trees. And thats how i saw you. Even the slightest part of you was so bright that it shined through evergreen trees and warmed my cold heart. Your heat has spread through me like wildfire and there's not much ice left in my body.

I know that your sneezes come in pairs, when one comes, there's always another. I know that you crinkle your nose every few minutes and that your mouth twitches into a small curve when i whisper your name. I know where your sensitive spot is, right below your belt. I glide my hand along your happy trail and your body wriggles and squirms then you burst out in laughter as i hold your face a kiss you till your still.

I used to think that life was this huge ball made of glass that i could throw at the wall and watch it shatter. I used to think that it was all pointless and that nothing lasted forever and it would soon be over. I remember holding death in the palm of my hand. Just a few simple pills that could end everything. As they were starring back at me i realized i couldn't leave, not just yet. I needed to stay, not for myself but for the people around me. I thought that maybe no one would care if i was gone, and maybe they still wont. But i couldn't take the risk. People say suicide is selfish but people don't understand the thoughts running through a suicidal persons mind.

Your eyes are brown with hidden specks of gold flakes in them, they shine golden on a sunny day with the lights just right. I think i fell in love with your eyes because theres this quote from a book that i hold dearly to my heart, "as dawn goes down today, nothing gold can stay." Your eyes remind me of that because some days your eyes are gold and others they're this dark gloomy brown thats warm and comforting. Nothing golden can stay just like the flakes in your eyes or the sun, it always dies for the moon.

I saw you in a crowded room full of people everyday for a year. Sitting in the same classroom, barely knowing each other. I saw your curly brown hair and your smile when you laughed, i noticed the way you move your hands and the way your eyes shifted to mine, everyday i saw you, barely able to say your name. Anxiety was a prison back then, who would have known you would be the one that i fell in love with.

There are moments when i doubt that you love me, there are times when i feel to ahead of myself and i know I'm not ready. But there's never a dull moment with you, its always something and thats when i know i love you. I remember the first time we "tried" to make love to one another. It was a complete disaster, we laughed and giggled at the way our bodies lined up, and your chin hit my forehead and then you'd kiss it to make it feel better, or when we would laugh so hard our belly ached and when we kissed and our lips made the **** like sound.

But i remember the time we did make love, i could feel you, every single part of you. Buried deep inside me, i felt you. I felt us, just one being, one person. I remember crying afterwards because im emotional and i cant handle big things or change. I remember you whispering in my ear, "this will be your real first time". And in that moment i knew, you would be the one to break me. With all your love and all your heart, it would shatter me to pieces in one soft moment.

Theres gonna be times when I'm sad and i don't know why, there will be times when i just want to cry myself to sleep. Its this chemical in my brain that makes me sad, its just an unbalanced chemical.  Im sorry that i cant always be happy. I wont always be the person you want me to be, and for that i am deeply sorry. I want to be the one that will always make you happy, but sometimes i just cant.  I promise you that i will always try my hardest. I will try to make you happy and show you how much i love you, i will try to show you that you are the one.

I could see the fear in your eyes. Screaming at me setting my heart on fire and turning my blood to ice. I felt your breathless soft voice on my neck, "I can't loose you." I felt my stomach turn and wrench when a tear dropped from your eyes and slid silently down your cheek, dropping onto your shirt. I pulled you closer and held you as i knew in my heart that i couldn't let you go.

Love,

Rachael

They fell in love with the thought of being in love

The doctor told me the pills would make me numb.

I guess she was right because I can't even feel the tears spilling from my eyes.

The screams escaping from my mouth.

I can't feel my heart beating against my chest

My hands trembling trying to hold my lovers hand.

I can't hold onto the rope anymore

It's slipping between my fingers

Turning into thread, I'm losing my lifeline

Falling into the abyss, unable to feel my stomach in my throat

Poetry was her lifeline. If she did not write, her voice would suffocate her, and her screams would silence her. Her hands would shake and her lungs would break.

He looked at me with eyes full of hope, waiting for something. A word, a sentence, anything.
He watched the way my hands were shaking and I saw his happiness slowly fade away. He could see the fear in my eyes, watching the way my chest was rising and falling like the ocean waves. I let out a sigh and said no. I think I could hear the buildings drop inside is chest. The volcanoes erupting in his head. And the earth blown to a million pieces before his feet. I saw the life fade away from his face.

Black painted on my body in a loose fitted dress, thigh high stockings with a white lace border around the top. The shoes I wore to my brothers graduation. My hair hanging loose over my shoulders and down my back.

Black covered on bodies with pale or dark skin, all dressed from head to toe in clothes they wear to everyone's funerals. All their lost ones in their head today.

Black smeared mascara dripping down my cheek, mother wipes away my tears but is too slow to catch the next one falling.

Black and white blurred people all shaking my hand, and grabbing my shoulders as I stare into the ground trying to remember the last words he said to me.

Black filled mind with thoughts of his laughter and the way his wrinkles sometimes faded when he cried, or the time when I was a child and he threw me up high, always catching me and holding me as I cried.

Black lifeless eyes are staring at me now, I can't even recognize his face, it's not even him. I stand before my grandfather remembering that he was the only man who swept me off my feet and the only man I loved nonetheless.

At one moment, your depression is telling you that you don't care what happens. Then the next moment, your anxiety is screaming and clawing at you to do something. Having depression and anxiety is a constant war inside of yourself. Though, there are no winners.

There are so many eyes in the world and I can only see yours

I took your soul and you burned a hole in mine
You stole my heart and placed it to the side
I threw away all the memories you left behind
It's all just racing through my mind
All those memories wasted nothing but time
There was never a reason to stay and watch the sun die
We just wasted our life trying to see the moon shine
Only to lighten whatever hope we held in hands intertwined

You couldn't even hold me while I cried
Only gave me a look saying I'm sorry that I lied
You tore apart every inch of my insides
My body was begging to just lay down a die
A stranger at the bar bought me a drink and said baby don't worry all you have to do is try

So I gave you another piece of my heart, a second time
You said that life was just a lie and all you could think about was my dark grey eyes
This time your cried

And I was the one who watched you die,
Maybe in satisfaction or maybe in pride.

Connect with people you've never met, people you already know, and people you are destined to find

Protect yourself, your loved ones, and even a stranger walking down the street

Respect yourself, the people around you, and our earth we all call home.

You fail to see the beauty inside you, you can't see the person I'm staring at.
I am screaming at you and you can't even hear me. I am begging for you to just look in the mirror and see what I see.
I see a man, with curly brown almost black hair. A dimple on each cheek, and misplaced freckles that make your face like a painting from van gough.
I see the poems thought up inside your head, just not being able to write them down because you don't want the criticism.
I see a ten year old boy, living with his best friend at the time cause his mom was an addict and his dad was a drunk.
I see a boy with sad eyes crying because he doesn't feel loved from the world surrounding him.
I see a boy yelling and cursing at his parents for bringing him into this unfaithful world, crying out for attention that he thinks he doesn't deserve.
But now,
I see a man who is stronger than his demons.

It's 3am and the moon is casting a shadow across your face, for some reason I can't sleep, but you've been gone for hours. Wrapped around my body like a prison.

It's 4am and I can't stop thinking about the stars and how they light up all this darkness in our lives.

It's 5am and the clouds are starting to get lighter, the sun is peeking trying to escape the darkness. The blinds are shut but mind eyes are bloodshot and open, starring into the nothingness but these four walls.

It's 6am and I can hear the birds singing in the trees. The Suns almost out and I can't feel my feet.

It's 7am and it's shining through the blinds, your eyes are awakening as mine are watery, and tears are falling down my cheekes.

It's 8am and the pain has subsided and my mind drifts slowly to nothing and my eyes are shut. But I hear you whisper good morning.

And it's the same again, repetitive nights and mornings.

I think my heart is starting to decay without you.