If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.

We live in a world where no means convince me and flirting is a green light for ***.
Where women are told, don't get ***** and men are rarely told, don't ****.
Where **** shaming is encouraged and victims are blamed.
Where speaking out about **** is a call for attention and **** victims are silenced.
We live in a world where **** culture is normal and that is **unacceptable.

when I met you
I was a ******
To ***
Drugs
Self harm
When you left me
I was drowning in addictions
Self mutilating the body
I gave to anyone
Just to feel anything
Even close
To the way your toxic touch
Made me feel

the smoke from his lips
quietly omits into the dark

he turns to face me with
his bloodshot, glossy eyes

"i want you" the drugs said

the substance in his system
had complete control over him.

- you never wanted me

I can't get him to shut up.
The voice in my head

He tells me things
About other people
About myself
About the future

He talks
About other people

He knows everything
About myself

He makes plans
About my future

I can't get him to stop.
The voice in my head

You kiss me,
You grab me
You lean me back to see the ceiling fan,
You instruct me on how to kiss you back

You had nothing to drink that night,
I had too many shots

I had a breakdown,
I needed to get out
I was trapped under you,
I said your girlfriend was my best friend

I said it wasn't right,
You didn't listen when I said no

You locked the door,
You wouldn't let me get my phone
You wouldn't let me see my friend,
You asked me if I loved you

You kept pestering me with questions,
I had to give you the answer you wanted

I cringed when you got close,
I stopped being able to breathe
I screamed through empty lungs,
I cried and cried and cried

I loved someone else,
You didn't care

"Inevitable. It was inevitable," you said.

I grade myself too much,
although I am the teacher,
write a poem, tear it up,
before there are any readers.

I rate myself too much,
although im not the audience,
click post poem, delete it later,
thinking no likes means no reminisce.

I hated myself once,
before I could make fun,
trauma days embarrassing ways that this day was not reachable from.

I choose to lighten up,
maybe buy some wine.
take a walk get chased by a dog
then stop and ask it why.