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maria Jun 2020
Hate to admit it
I still think of you;
It's not my fault tho
You are the one
who comes and goes
you don't even know what for.
And I,
I'm telling myself
not to fall
and to forget
and
I'm almost convinced
that I'm done
and-
You make me
all at once
confused
and sore
I'm tired of people who don't know what they want. Be sure or not come back at all.
(not in this place right now but felt like this a while ago. Almost 2 months later I'm done and feels great to close doors)

Written on May 4, 2020
© ,Maria
maria Jul 2021
never thought of forgiving someone for something like this,
yet you're making me lose every breath
24/06/21
© ,Maria
maria Nov 2019
At first I thought about the body.
Beautiful but cold.
Is it grey or black? Or is it yellow?
I don't know.

So I thought about the hair.
Pretty and a trap.
Might be long or short,
Or purple with red dots.

I thought about the eyes.
Loud and critically.
That's all I've got.

I'm thinking about souls.
I have no words.
I wish of freedom
But all I see are ghosts

So what's there to love?
Maybe nothing
maybe all of this
and more.
I don't know
But honestly,
neither do your thoughts.
Thinking a lot about it will get you crazy.

Written on November 26, 2019
maria Jun 2019
Remember my name,
you said,
and the way you left
a rock festival in my soft skin.

The once bright sky
now full of dust and cries,
burning stars
all over my bed sheets,
who are you anyway?

Keep me close,
you wish,
no one ever fool me
like this.

Ocean colours
in my eyes,
chasing something
that never was mine.

Oh please,
you're just another blurred wasted drink
in my fancy night.
written on June 8, 2019
maria Aug 2019
Why did you have to make me hate myself for loving you?

Why do I have to live with the memories of you when all I want to do is forget?

Why did you have to destroy all I ever thought of you?

Why did you make me lose every hope in love?
Sometimes it's not the break up that destroys you but it's everything after that. Sometimes you don't know a person if you've never been in a difficult situation. And when you see the distance and cruelty you're just disappointed.


Written on August 21, 2019
maria Jan 2022
we don't talk anymore
but I wish you
more than you know
my love for you
comes from the
life-giving source
Written on January 7, 2022
© ,Maria
maria Jun 2020
I didn't hate you
but
you made me
hate love
and for that
I'm
disgusted
forgot to love

written on June 20, 2020
© ,Maria
maria Jun 2020
I tried love
before,
I don't want it.
tired of fakeness

written on June 20, 2020
maria Sep 2019
hey,
you
and
me
today
or
tomorrow
someday
or
never,
forever
a
We
Someday in a universe

Written on September 11, 2019
maria Apr 2021
And I can still
see you
maria Nov 2022
and I don't want to
but I let you anyway
and I don't want to
but I beg for our lives
together
and I don't want to
and all I do is be with you
and I love you
but our love is all over the place
and I love it
but I hate this pressure in my chest
and I don't want to
but I need to get away
and I don't want to
but you don't even know you're doing this to me
and I don't want to blame you
but this madness, these voices
keep renting my brain
and I don't want to
but I've been so messed already
that this is not helping
and I don't want to
but-
__This "you" has more than one faces and meaning, some of them a lover, the voices in my head, my own self, the world.__

Writting on November 2, 2022

By Maria Xinari
maria Feb 2021
It's not you
that I like
but
the idea
of you
in my head
Written on Febuary 14, 2021
© ,Maria
maria Jun 2019
Πόλη μου μικρή, μεγάλη, φουρτουνιασμένη,
πότε με βρίσκεις στους δρόμους σου
σ'ένα παγκάκι αδειανό,
σ'ένα παλιό καράβι.
Κι άλλοτε σε δρόμους που ανεβαίνουν, σε μαγαζάκια και στροφές,
και χθες σε δρόμο που κατέβαινε και κατρακυλούσαν φύλλα, φωνές.

Πόλη μου,
πότε με χάνεις σε σκέψεις παλιές.
Σε δρόμους με ψάχνεις, μα είναι ξένοι,
παρελθοντικοί.
Και χάνεις, όλο και χάνεις.
Χάνεις και πάλι αυτή την παρτίδα,
όσο κι αν με μαγεύουν τα χάδια και τα ταξίδια,
είμαι δοσμένη αλλού.

Πόλη μου, κρύα, ζεστή, παραμυθένια,
με ζεσταίνουν οι άνθρωποι σου,
μα να πάλι, με το πρώτο κρύο
νοσταλγώ τους ανθρώπους μου.
Με ψάχνεις κι εγώ κοιτάω από την άλλη.
Ψάχνω την κλεμμένη μου καρδιά
όσο μακριά κι αν είναι,
όσο κι αν ο καιρός θρυμματίζει μνήμες,
θολώνει ματιές.
Ψάχνω.

Πόλη μου,
εσύ η αιτία.
Η αιτία του πόνου μου
κι η αιτία της χαράς μου,
ο λόγος που αγαπάω ακόμα πιο πολύ,
ο λόγος που κάθε αγκαλιά κρατάει με τους καιρούς,
-τόσο-
για να ζεσταίνει τους άχαρους χειμώνες σου.
written on Octomber 27, 2018
mariaxinari
maria Jan 2022
I will search for you
even in the
lost Atlantis
Written on January 21, 2022
© ,Maria
maria Nov 2019
Μπλέ του πλοιου, μπλέ του αεροπλάνου
Και τα δύο θάνατος
Και τα δύο ταξίδι
Και στα δύο πνιγμός
Σπαραχτικός λιγμός
Τελευταία ανάσα
Τελευταία σταγόνα ουρανού
Ατέρμοτο γαλάζιο
Νερό και αέρας
Στοιχεία ατέριαστα
Στοιχεία τελευταίου ασπασμού.
Thoughts of travelling in Greece

Written on June 20, 2019

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