i'm tired
but i’ve learned to carry it
like a secret
hidden beneath the weight of my smile
and though my heart aches
for the quiet of rest
i keep moving
because sometimes
the only way to heal
is to let the journey unfold
in its own time
and trust that
one day
the burden will feel lighter

I promise.
Charlie promises.
We all promise.

We’ll pass the torch.
Even when our hands shake.
Even when the night is too long,
and the static is louder than the stars.
Even when no one is watching.

We’ll carry your fire.
Not as spectacle.
But as truth.

And when someone else finds themselves
on that same edge—
looking out,
ready to leave—
we'll be there,
with a quiet light,
and a voice that says:

“Hey. I remember you.”

You are not forgotten.
You are not alone in the leaving.
You are written into the hands that carry what’s left.

And we carry it now.
For you.
For all of you.

We won’t let the flame go out.

Our final steps
are never meant to be
one step on the moon
or a leap for mankind.

It was your memory,
intangible.
metaphysically physical
synaptically existing.

My mother's
mothering
mother, Bernice.

or

A lover's
loving
love, Helena.

or

Writer's
writing
wrote, poems.

The rain falls down
an inconvenience to lambast
you remember the last time
you cried

I was there
you didn't see me
but, I was right next to you
we cried together
even if you couldn't see me

you were sad
I rested my hand on your shoulder
I don't think you noticed
you were aware of me
when i tried to put my arm around you

you wanted to be alone
I know this isolation

this
Loneliness

I respect you
I cherish you

maybe:
two islands

You ever feel like you’re talking
but no one’s listening?
Like you’re throwing words out
into a sea of silence
and they’re just sinking?

I tried to tell you once,
but you never asked the right question,
never stayed long enough
to catch the part of me
that was unraveling.

So I kept quiet,
held it all in,
but it didn’t disappear,
it just grew louder inside.
Isn’t it funny?
How the things we don’t say
get the loudest.

I could tell you all the things
you’ve never asked me,
but would you want to know?
Would you hear it if I said,
"I’m scared you’ll leave if I speak my truth"?
Or is it easier to stay in the space
where we pretend we’re okay?

I think we both know
the truth is something we avoid—
not because it’s a lie,
but because it’s a weight we’re not ready to carry.
So, we tiptoe around it,
dancing on the edge of the words
we’ll never say.

But one day,
maybe I’ll stop waiting for you to ask,
and I’ll say it all anyway.
And maybe that’s when we’ll finally listen.

You must walk through summer’s blaze,
where heat and haste paint every day,
with golden hours that slip too fast,
and dreams that burn but never last.

Only then, as shadows grow,
will autumn call you soft and slow,
with colors bright yet fading fast—
the calm that follows seasons past.

To love and to be loved,
Oh how lucky one is to have both.

A warmth that neither time nor tide
Can wear away or coax to loathe.

Following the tracks,
I pick up the scent of everything that attracts hate.
The smell is pungent and bitter, like a rotten apple.
But I’m going hunting; I’m the hunter.

It’s a watershed moment when the villains rouse their cheers.
A paradigm is built from the ruins of fallen heroes.

They sing their songs,
Praising the things they’ve razed with their iron shackles,
Honed with a need to peck the bone.
They scavenge off the sick and mad.

But I’m the hunter, and I’m going hunting.
I follow in shadows,
Watching with purpose.
Should the city cry out,
I’ll bring the game.

Feed a future—
Full of the fruit of the garden.
Wearing snake skin,
I’m alive in the light of enlightenment.
And I’m a hunter, and I’m going hunting.

Hole
1.🥚
2.🐣
3.🐓
4.🦃
5.🐔
6.🦆
7.🦤
8.🦉
9.🐧
10.🦩
11.🦋
12.🦜
13.🦚
14.🕊
15.­🦢
16.🐦
17.🦅
18.🐥

Final Score:🍳

I'll have to admit at sometime
that there are celebrities in my life
although i've never felt like one
and i believe that to be factually right

There are paths you don’t choose
but find yourself on,
waking one day to realize
you’ve left the voice that once
called you home.

There are people—
beautiful, bruised,
who touched the hem of healing

and stepped back

as if love would demand too much.

And I wonder how God handles
the slow disaster
of the almost-return.
The ones who knew,
who felt,
who started to lean in—
but didn’t.

Does He grieve
like a father who watches
his child walk past the open door,
too ashamed to knock?

Or does He simply wait—
unmoving,
unchanged,
burning with a stillness
only eternity understands?


Because I still ache
in the temporary.
I still hold their names
in my prayers
like broken glass
pressed into palms
that would have held them whole.

i was given everything i asked for
i had everything, so why was it a bore
to set my self on every stone i see
to leave a mark on everyone but me

why did i take the time to wonder
about the things already have
was this a mistake, another blunder
i made on my way to the grave

i was given a opportunity to give back
and i just ignored it and walked away
i could've done good, that is a fact
but i just hid away in my own bay

Truth
It breathes
It speaks
Sometimes in a whisper
like a mother’s gentle kiss on her child’s fevered forehead
Sometimes in a fierce growl
like a protective dog with hackles raised and teeth bared
Sometimes as a calm, steady chant
like the beating of a drum
vibrating in your heart
Truth speaks
We just need to breathe
and to listen



© 2025 Joan Zaruba. All rights reserved.

For most:
life is  more
the daily doing-
little thinking
hardly any philosophising

Bluebells softly sway,
Whispers of spring in the breeze,
Nature's quiet song.

Villains aren't born
they're made
they go through hell
they suffer and get beaten down
belittled and abused
abandoned and hurt
the pain turns into anger
the thirst for revenge
to make others feel the way they felt
I'm not saying it's right
just that I understand
I've been there too
but I made it out
and you can too

Some see the beautiful beach, the warming sand, the sparkling ocean,
Other only see the sunburns, the unbearable heat,
Some wait that the flowers are blooming,
Other just wait them to wither,
some see the loveliness in the sun,
Others see inner peace in the silent night,
Every view on the world is unique,
We all have a unique view of the world. No two are the same.

Dove siamo?
Sballottati cerchiamo una verità.
Crediamo di averne bisogno.
Potremmo goderci il viaggio.

Nessuna stella a guidarci
Cerchiamo un senso.
Paura, rabbia, collera.
Nessun abbraccio ad avvolgerci.

Lascia fluire i tuoi pensieri
Ti guideranno

Take your breath and build a bridge

I lay on my side in bed
with my hand pressed under
my ribs.

My heart beating reveals to me
my life could be taken in
the width of a breath or
the snap of an eye.

I don’t like that so many
things could happen and that
I wouldn’t know because I’d
be gone. All I think I’ve built,
gone; just like that.

I’m not afraid of death
but I am when it comes to me.

He had wings that
gave him flight.
The sun was
beautiful and bright.
It melted into the ocean.

But there is danger in
flying too low as well,
just ask the mermaids in
the depths of hell.
The seawater screws
up the lift.

Fly to safety and
peace,
not the
fantastical or
far-fetched.
You don't need to
have it all.
Beware of

too

much



ambition.

We were meant to set the world on fire
W h a t   h a p p e n d?

The news is a c#%&
That son of a b@#$!
They don't give a f$%!
about talking s&#@
That girl is a s!@$
and that dude's a d!@&
But I blame this boll@&$s
On tabloid pr!@&s

I've been lately writing poetry!
Oh? What do I see?
A perfect poetry site waiting for me!
First poem, proud of it!
Oh? Someone in my messages?
This guy seems sweet
And he's hoping I don't get beat!
Pretty songs for me to listen to!
And a drunk man messaging me...?
“You're only making yourself a victim because you're cutting yourself"
Oh? Okay- thanks for the paragraph/drunk rant?

Shining lights on all of my latest poems?
Thank you! You're so sweet!
….oh…talking to me about pedophiles…got it…
Why are there so many sad songs?
WHY DOES THIS MAN HAVE SO ****** MUSIC TASTE AGGGHGDGFGCC

Oh? You wrote a poem about the 764 and absolutely humiliating them?
Great! Good job!
…But uhh… why and how did they make a virus only going after your followers that are minors? Not funny!
Why is this man warning me if they threaten me? Is he trying to make me scared on purpose?
Blaming the Japanese for this virus now, huh?
Oh? Now blaming someone else named Pax to be part of the 764? Crazy

…. going to another website? But you're so fun!
May as well click on the link you sent me so I can join you

Drunk rants with me? That's okay!
Giving me gold so I can freely make poems?
THANK YOU SM
Daily texting
2-10 hour sessions
Why are you drinking everyday?
You're making me concerned for your health
I told you to stop drinking, papa
You promised me you'd stop
All you did was keep on drinking

Commenting on every poem I made
Oh? So suddenly I'm a “nasty *****" when I have done nothing to you? ありがとう!
We have a suicide pact now?
I'm going off the bridge first?
Don't mind if I do

Oh? Another poetry site? Okay…
I really don't like the way this site works, can't we just message each other with email?
Yes? Yay!

People bullying you on the internet? That's not okay!
Why would they accuse you of being a *******?
Letting me join an uncensored group to back you up? Great!
Sending me to a Reddit page to back you up?
Alright!
….oh … they warned me and I didn't do anything….
******* this man is an actual *******…..
gotta go fast like Sonic
pack my bags and leave

Oh? I betrayed you? Crazy
We were just friends
Can you stop spitting my name everywhere?
It's like you're so obsessed with me
Stop trying to be the Eminem to my Mariah Carey
Made a poem about you and you HAD to take it down?
Never thought you'd want to hide your identity THAT hard
Oh? Betting on my suicide now, are we?
Sending me multiple emails, desperate for me to come back to him?
I'm not that ******* naive or gullible
It's crazy if you think that about me
…I did tell you to send those photos of your cut open arms but I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D TAKE IT SERIOUSLY AND DO IT

Being racist?
“Japshit”?
Why are you so obsessed with my Chinese genes?
“I thought I can use Kai because of her Chinise genes because the Chinise was known to be very good spies. ☝️🤓" へー! Didn't know that!
Also, that's not how you spell Chinese, my fellow kind sir
Threatening people to come to America with a Katana and slice us to pieces
So envious, I see
You're just mad because we have a little bit more freedom than your drunk *** does

Oh…. Talking to me about ****
Got it
Thanks
I didn't need to be taught about METART or some **** like that
I'm only 12 years old
You ***** *****

Well…this is the aftermath

I was writing
In the park
Under a singing lark

I wish we never met
Even if fate led us there.
I wish we never talked
Even if the words came easy.
I wish we let silence win
Even if the conversation pulled us in.
I wish we never saw the signs
Even if they glowed so bright.
I wish we never felt that spark
Even if it burned so right.

But everything happened
And still, I wish I could turn back time
Even if I would never know you at all.

I thought we would be done by now.

But I keep finding more of you
between the lines
and more of me
between the letters.

If love had the power to heal,
I would press these lips against your flesh,
kissing away your wounds.
So that you could become the mantis and devour me anyway.

A fool
lives inside of me
I invited love to a dance
she came, and walked right past me
the scent of her perfume in the breeze
invisible to her eyes
quietly, I walked away
through the forest
holding the rose in my hand
a goat ran up to me
I fed her the rose
she walked along with me
death following not far behind