never trust a poet's words
they sound sweet at first
but you'll notice the emotion in their words
it all sounds too...
fake
"i love you like the sea loves the shore"
becomes too scripted
you hear the small tinge of love actually left in their voice
hoping
hoping it could mean something
but it doesn't
it never does
it's just the way they say it
one day, after they have left
you will find their poems, and they will be the exact words that they had said to you
once long ago

"i love you" she says
"i'll never leave you"
"i love you and only you"
but it wasn't the truth was it?
you avoid me in the halls
you had to block me
we used to be happy
but now
our story is filled with broken "i love you"'s
and heartbroken "i'm sorry"'s
do you still love me like you say you do?
do you really want me to fight for you
you said "if you love me, you'd fight for me"
but my love i am fighting
but nothing will work
for we are two broken hearts, filled with lust, love, and hurt

i've got a heart that's been ****** up
but that doesn't stop me from loving
it doesn't stop me from falling in love
it doesn't stop me from being me
because what i've learned with my shattered heart
it that...with my heart
i am myself
and that's okay that i've been broken
if someone doesn't love me for that
oh well

im not submerged into anything
im drowning in my own breath
drowning in stress
anxiety
sadness
yet nothing at all
im numb
but im suffocating in this world
nothing is blocking my air passages, nothing is around my neck
but i feel a tightness in my throat
i shake
yet im silent
i get irritable
annoyed
and i shut down
sometimes i'll cry
others i just sit there staring at nothing
and i just... sit

three times
one: i sit here on my friend's kitchen floor with a bottle of pills and a throbbing headache 'just take a few they're 200mg each you'll be fine'
i smile and nod, she walks out
i begin counting '200, 400, 600, 800, 1000...' all the way up to 2600
"what will 2600mg of ibuprofen do to me" i wonder
and i down the pills
hours later im fine
nothing
im not hurting
just numb once again as always
and i eat
then like usual, go puke it


~the summer before 7th grade~
just a little more dead inside than before