Sit me down
Tell me how
Terrible I've been

Lock me down
Crowd around
Show me how to change

Call the doctors
Get the pastors
Exercise this place


*but remember to ignore the fact
That I'm not insane
Treat me like a child
Criticize my brain
Open up the flood gates
And let me be enraged
All you've done is hurt me
You know I'll never change

Within this write, there are things I want to share.
More effectively, I want to express my ideas on things- both good and unfair.
Furthermore, this is for me; I'm not writing in hopes that you care.

It's so filled with miscommunication; if you think so, I don't believe malevolence was the aim
No ****** needed; we weren't meant to be more- this is recent knowledge I've come to gain
We were galaxies- within both of us are constellations we're given the responsibility to contain

Both of us seem electric and maybe that's why it had to be emotional warfare
Or perhaps the currents burned us out and now we're emotionally impaired

A temporary Romeo whose mind manufactures illusions of a ride to imminent fame
Met this Juliet whose spirit had aged and set goals of recognition to obtain
Each tortured artistically, with the unpleasant disposition to over-explain

Somehow, despite the floods of words, coherent expressions were rare
You felt unnecessarily taxed while I felt time with you costed me a steep fare
I'm intimately drained after all the internal details I was pressured to share

Ideas of romantic success were forced by naivety to be entertained
Unhealthily encouraged by all the tiny kisses hesitantly exchanged

Journey by my side to where lust dwells- my innocence used to live there
The angels we once were have been tainted by wasted passions we declared
Leaving us merciless, as ours were never the sensitivities to be spared

There was no shortage of moments in which I doubted any of it was sane
With this write, I hope to prevent the ride from being taken in vain
In this write, I hope at least a few of my conflicted thoughts are made plain..

I wiped the slate clean
No strings
No attachments

I don’t need those things

Broken
Pretty, little pieces

Tiny fractures
Painted in glue

Together
We'll see if we fit

Tragic
Bathing in blue

It could be
Time that we quit

I'm going to take you to another kind of place,
But, honey, you have to make sure you're ready.
I can promise highs without needing to take hits,
But you'll have to hold on tight because **** gets heavy

I know that things won't always be steady
Your shoulders may sometimes carry additional weight..
I'm unaware if you're used to that already

While I confess it has a certain type of mystique,
My story has been extreme; the loads have been hefty.
The waves of life that I get to ride are an enigma..
Will you be able to cope with it when **** gets heavy?

Those lines separating right from wrong get a bit blurry..
Will you be in over your head when things escalate?
Don't come if you're afraid of this getting messy..

You'll be given a crash-course in why I constantly stress.
The few that pass are the few that impress me.
The reward is a loyalty that has yet to fail
So don't lose your breath or fall to panic; **** gets heavy

You know what gets to me the most?

That when I'm angry at you
Really, truly ****** at you
You always manage to do something
Something so sweet that
I can't stay mad at you
No matter how hard I try

Gosh...that gets to me..

Nothing hurts me like your words do
So I get mad and I hurt you

Then you blame me
Say I'm crazy
Wanna leave me
But you need me
Though your angry

But I used to love you
And, ****, I still do
And that's true

And I'm not lying
Got nothing to be denying
But I bet we'll still be fighting
Till I'm alone and I'm crying

But I used to love you
And, ****, I still do
And that's true

I can't imagine my life with anyone but you
I ******* love you
And that's true

What were the words you told me
That first made me want to be with you?
You said "I know you've been hurt
But, Autumn, I've been hurt too.."

I want to write

But i can think of nothing

...............

I want to cry

But i can feel no sorrow

...............

I want to sing

But i can hear no melody

...............

I want to dance

But i can feel no rhythm

...............

I want to know

But i can know no certainty

...............

I want to write

But i can think of nothing

I would like to write a love poem
Just for you
I would like to write a love song
To sing to you

But right now I'm longing
For someone to be here
And it's odd because, until now,
It was you I wanted to be near
You didn't feel the same
And, that, you made quite clear
You pushed me away
Now, in me, you evoke fear

But I would like to write a love poem
Just for you
I would like to write a love song
To sing to you

You exposed me to your art
And I'll admit it was handsome
Obviously, you stole my heart
But it felt like you held it for ransom
Admittedly, it was my fault in part
That hook just might be our anthem
I think I let it go too far
Now, I may only be part of your fandom

But I want to write a love poem
Maybe not for you
And I want to write a love song
Though I won't sing to you

You see, I've found somebody new
And they're almost as musical
They don't make me sing the blues
And, yes, I'm almost as comfortable
See, I found somebody new
And they're just as whimsical
But he doesn't remind me of you
And, to me, that's basically magical

So, if I decide to write a love poem
It won't be for you
And if I decide to write a love song
I won't sing to you

But every time I write a love poem
I'll think of you
And if I ever write a love song
*It'll be for you

I want you
I want more
I want it all
I want your everything
I want it now
I want you

Sweet, deep breaths
Arms and legs intertwined

Laying  in awe of you

Fingertips on your chest
Hearts beating in sync

Simply amazed by you

Let’s stay here

We can be together

Let’s stay here

My life is yours forever

Prayers keep me sane
Praying calms the pain

What a blessing are you

I Fear You**

I don't fear many things
not death
not snakes
not love
not people
not pain

But you.

I fear you'll leave me
Find someone better
And no longer love me
While I'll be forever
Brokenhearted
Caught in endless despair

I fear you.

.............................................
It's funny how you confirmed all my fears. However, you haven't crippled me for life. I'm okay now.

I thought we were Bonnie & Clyde
It was you & I
Nah, on the inside you were
*Jekyll & Hyde

I inject magic
on the page
with my pen

Just like
You once did
With speed
and ******

I don't want today to be just another day.
Will I wake up tomorrow still feeling confusing pain?
When you hear "love," will you think of my name?

I don't want today to be just another day.
Will you dismiss my words and toss them away?
Did you really understand the words I chose to say?

I don't want today to be just another day.
Will you think of my heart as a simple game to play?
Are you going to turn me into a tragic regret anyway?

I don't want today to be just another day.
Will you have more excuses to say?
Will I have to let you fade?

You should probably know
You look dumb as ****
With that foreign blonde on your arm
It's awkward, it shows
But you parade her around
Like she's your ******* lucky charm

I remember when I was there
Don't you?
I remember when you really cared
Don't you?
I remember when you were real
Don't you?
I remember the way I made you feel
Don't you?

You probably forgot all about that
Didn't you?
Forgot everything we ever been through
Didn't you?
Moved on from your old life, got a new one
Didn't you?
You saw her and thought she was prettier
Didn't you?
You wanted her more than you wanted me
Didn't you?

But when she lets you down
And when she leaves to go home
When she finds someone better
And when she moves the **** on
Who the hell are you gonna love?
Probably some little ****** ****
That's all you could pull now anyways

And honestly, way deep deep down
I miss you, I want you, I need you around
But, reality check baby,
I  hate you and dream of your death on the daily
You make me ******* sick
So I'm done, now I'm through with this ****

He whispers in your ear
"Just one time.
Just a taste"

And so you do it.
Just a taste

He whispers in your ear
"Just one more time.
Didn't you like it?"

And so you do it.
Just a taste

He whispers in your ear
"Come one. Do it.
Don't you love me?"

And so you do it.
*Just a taste

To think I ******* begged for you..
To think I ******* fell for you..
To think I still ******* care for you!


..........................................................­..
****** ME

I want to explain the ****** up ****
That runs through my mind
No, I need to

Because I feel like I"m trapped in a monotonous circle of
"I need you"
I've got a shitload of scattered thoughts to **** through
My brain is a minefield
And lies are the only things I know to be true
Days get blurred by copious drug abuse
Amphetamines scream "*****, I know you!
And you need me! You know it's true!"

The night seems endless because the days burn cold
I'm digging six feet under to make my home that hole
My body may look young but my spirit has grown old
Hesitating to be bold
This **** has gotten old
My insides are rotten...yes, I'm filled with mold
And I'd give away my soul
But I'd be lying if I said it hasn't already been sold

They can't stop puffing ******
Even though the prices get steeper
I'd leave if he hadn't said that I am a keeper

But, babe, I'm a ******* liar
I wish I could ignore you but you're my heart's sole desire
So, sadly, I'm wired
Sobriety expired
Remember, babe, I'm a ******* liar

So, I'll make false promises like liars do
And please believe me when I say it's true
Because, ****, *I need you to

Let it fall

Let it break

Let it crash

Let it take

Let it win

Let it lose

Let it change

Let it be

Let the dust settle
Down on our rusted hearts
Let the sky rain
Down on our diluted dreams
Let the glass break
Down on our forsaken heads
Let the doubt pour
Down on our distrusting minds

Let the love seep
Into our lost lives
Let the hope invade
Into our fearful thoughts
Let the joy cross
Into our hateful words
Let the truth leak
Into our liars' souls

Let us be happy
And change our worlds
Let us be honest
And break the dam of paranoia
Let us be real
And alter our facades into nothing
Let us let loose life
And ignore the death that tries so hard to capture us

Let Us Smile.
Please.

The bruises on my skin fade
But the memories remain
I don’t know how to survive my days
And I’ll never be the same

You're a *******
I wish you'd go away and just quit

I'm so over you
That's right, boy, I'm through with you
I don't want another ******* thing to do with you

You're a little *****
Stop talking, go somewhere and sit

I'm not okay with you
After all this **** you put me through
Stick around here and I might just lose my cool

You're a lying twit
I wanna run away, I wanna split

I'm not coming back to you
***** all the trust I had in you
You broke all the promises that I thought were true

You're a *******
I wish you'd go away and just quit
You're a little *****
Stop talking, go somewhere and sit
You're a lying twit
I wanna run away, I wanna split

I'd rather
spend my life
buzzed
and regretting it

than stay
sober
and
**end it