i think i've finally lost it
after years of living in insanity
and dealing with the worst things
i think i've finally lost it

For us it wasn't chemistry
It was personality
It was our mentality
How we view what we see

We worked like a melody
A sweet silent symphony
Words no one else could see
Broken in prosperity

Thriving on the rarity
Of words said not genuinely
And smoking the same mary
But getting high differently

Living life in mystery
But all in security
Without a single worry
Maybe you were made for me

If motivational bankruptcy has been declared
And it's a challenge to see the appeal in my work
I reach up and pull will power right out of thin air
Remembering the reward will be worth all that I exert

Only the purest vibes are worth risk to invest
I've been graced with this affinity- the ability to manifest

May hell freeze before the day I'm poetically impaired
No room for rest on the way to reaching level expert
Finding solace in this ability to be poetically repaired
And I'm comforted by the pleasure provided by my efforts

*I'll find validation when, with myself, I find I'm impressed
Harnessing energies; these dreams are sure to manifest

I was handcrafted
Woven with words whispered by the breeze
Molded by melodies that let themselves freeze

For you.

.......

You were handmade
Seasoned by homemade remedies, equipped with amenities
Expensively constructed as a penthouse with luxuries

For me.

.......

We were man-made
Birth-bound to smooth one another's rough patches
Brains aflame, man-made matched as lit matches

All I have to do now
Is sit here with this sinking feeling in my chest
Thinking how I wasn't enough
Even when I did everything and gave my best
Hating how I was invisible
And how nothing gives my pain a rest
All I wanted was you
But I see now that was too much to expect

Aggressively pounding my head against these walls
Waiting for that overrated empire called love to finally fall
Starting wars and dodging when the draft is called
Given a running start and not having to crawl
Feeling like every nice night has to be an emotional brawl
**Your affection is wildlife and I was ******* mauled

I wish I wasn't me.
Then maybe things would be easy.

The sun is bright outside
But, I swear, it isn't shining

Thoughts are racing inside
My resolve is successfully hiding

On this sad, broken carnival ride
There exists no desire to cease crying

No one in which to confide
Empty rooms, blank walls presiding

I'll be melancholy's bride
So, the loneliness isn't subsiding

Searching for the bright side
Something this life isn't providing

Yes, I'll be melancholy's bride
In my brokenness, I'll be hiding

You were my best friend
My lover
I gave all I had to make you happy

Honestly, though everyone would hate me
I'd take you back in a heart beat

I never knew that
Losing you
Would hurt this bad

I need some closure
Just a hug would do

I'm not ready for us to be over
I need you to be around

I'm still in love with you
And everything I said was true
I just wish we'd never fallen apart

I want you to fall in love with me again
Maybe, perhaps, we could start over?
From the top, the beginning

I need you around.
I need you to still love me.

You win.

I don't know what I'm gonna do without you..

There's a serenity in you with which I'm complacent
Breeding a peace and comfort aiding my contentment

Components of your art are delicate- that's evident
You're a mosaic- a spectacular piece; oh, so immaculate

Lite a fire
Beneath the wings
Of the clarity
That will propel
Our yesterday
Into history

How long will this poem be?
That, I cannot tell you
What do you think of me?
I wish I could tell you
I banked on you wanting to be with me,
But that plan abruptly and drastically fell through
I finally give up dreaming that we could be
Then you come and act like you used to
My friends say I should just focus on me
And simply be completely through with you
Truthfully, with that, I do agree;
However, my one weakness is still you

There are many highs that I have come to know
I don't just mean the Mary Jane that we used to blow
Tried amphetamines, buried my nose in snow
None compared to the feeling of being near you, though
That's why you're so hard for me to let go

Your love reminds me of the ocean; it comes in waves
You make me feen; you know I'm an addict
I know that must seem quite generic for me to say
I'm a chill gal but you make my thoughts become erratic
You've proven to be a drug, a craving here to stay
It's a feeling much like being wildly ecstatic
But the lows send my heart into such disarray
I'll nearly hyperventilate as though I'm an asthmatic
It'd be a lie if I denied wanting you today
You can call me a fan because I'm a proven fanatic
You buried my other interests; put them in graves
That touch is electric; my flesh feels like static

Without my fix, I'd say I'm genuinely jaded
When I was beside you, most things were clear
Otherwise, for things to make sense, I had to be faded
Many were concerned; my habits became severe
Frustrated because nothing made me feel nearly as elated

Even now, it seems, your clutches, I can't escape
But that may be due to the fact that I don't want to
You make me confident in my shape
Such confidence I only ever get from you
You blew smoke so thick, though you didn't vape
Even if I knew you lied, I'd accept your words as true
I felt lovely when, around me, your arms you'd drape
When hearing  your voice, there's no way I could be blue
I'd never had a substance with such enchanting traits
Once, you sang to me and away my anxiety flew
If there was no THC or money, we weren't too good to scrape
Yes, I'm hooked on many things but the strongest is certainly you

I'd be dishonest if I said I wasn't afraid
I'm scared you don't think of me and you'll forget
From your memory, I fear I may begin to fade
I have value but what if you don't think I'm an asset?
While, for me, there isn't a memory of you that I'd trade

As we were estranged, I admit I might have felt lost
And I was quite confused as to whether I was to blame
You felt cold, like the legend, the dreaded, Jack Frost
It sat in my mind enough that I doubted I was sane
I think I gave myself to you, but at what cost?
I felt left behind once you tasted minor fame
It seemed ,my emotions, you wanted to purposely exhaust
Yet, I believed days without it would be far too lame
Still, to the side, I felt that I may have been tossed
Meanwhile, to your heart I, solely, wanted to lay claim
Obviously, you see losing me would be a legitimate loss
You came to me feeling that you needed to explain

Back and forth, it seems like circles we run around
Regardless, my addiction to you has yet to expire
You're the loveliest unwritten song, the most beautiful sound
Darling, you burn brighter than flames of Hell's fire
*Unfortunately, I know, in you, love for me may never be found..

Every time I see that beautiful face of yours
I drown in adoration
I barely make it out alive

You inspire everything I do
Your words are a lovely melody
And it changes my mood instantly

Every time I remember that I have a place
In that beautiful mind of yours
I lose more of my chain-like depression

The fact that I hold your heart
In my own hands
Sends me reeling all the time

I'd rather be trapped in your arms
Than free without you
You're my shelter, my everything

There's no one else
On this planet
That I'd rather
Waste my eternity with
You're it.
My true infinity

Lately
I’ve been scared of what’s intimate

A little paranoid
Noticing love never seems to be infinite

I’m dodging questions
This guilt can’t answer ****

And I’m binging
Meanwhile, I’m saying I should quit

Never again
Will I taste innocence

If I were to disclose the pain that is inside me
You'd never believe
You'd call me a liar, an attention *****
So I keep it to myself

I smile for you, I laugh
I hold my head high every second
All the while, I'm crying inside
Breaking within myself

But you'd never know
You'd deny it if I told you
Everyone would
So I only write about it

I hide it away
Lock it up inside of me
Simply cry myself to sleep
When I'm alone

Never would you know
How broken and crushed I am
How this life has taken its tole on me
You'd never see it

Ask for help
I'd never do such a thing
That would require someone who cares
I can't find that anywhere

So I'll stay this way
For the rest of my existence
You'll continue to greet my smile
And ignore my suffering

I wanna hold you in my arms
Until the end of time
Those rings on our fingers
They say you're mine

Not a single force
Nor any combined
Could take you away
Our lives are entwined

On the outside
It may seem shallow
But within our love
To the depth we go

Though once weary
Weakness shown
We are now whole
No longer alone

Through the passion
And the pain
Our total devotion
Will always remain

Even when it's hard
And a handful
Your presence easily
Keeps me joyful

Does it get any better?
Is it possible?
Could we get any closer?
Could it happen?

There is no competition
My soul is yours
No need to petition
I give in already

You saved me
Without thinking
You supported me
Without realizing

My entire world
Is you
My everything
Is you

Seems to simple
To fall so quickly
Seems to fast
But you'll be my last

You gave me light
When I was drowning in darkness
You gave me sanity
When I felt too heartless

You've reminded me
That good can really be
You've changed me
And become part of me

You're the part
That will stick
The part that
Will never leave

You're the one
Who outshines the sun
You're the one
Who made eyes open

Living and breathing
In such beauty
Should not be possible
Yet, for you, is nothing

Exceptional existence
Extraordinary reality
I adore you, no resistance
You've inspired a new me

Inspiration for the better
We'll become the best
Handwritten letters
Tattooed across your chest

A declaration
Of our honest truth
A dedication
To our brand new start

No longer lonely
An enchanted pair
Willing to become one
Our entire life, we'll share

Could one person
Be so enticing?
Could one being
Change a life?

Of course, you're magic
You're casting a spell
You've chased away my demons
Ran them back to hell

Now a life of joy
Because it's you I possess
And us together
Has put me to rest

We dreamers,
We have an addiction
Imagination,
That ****'s an affliction

See, those sounds
To us, it's like music
But our thoughts
They **** around and abuse it

Budweiser and nicotine
Put our minds at ease
Long nights and whiskey
Find our brains some peace

Misunderstood,
Find clarity in confusion
Self-destructive,
Lost in a hopeless delusion

Throne-less kings and queens
Peaceful-minded wild things
Let us find our release
Nicotine & Pipe Dreams