lash out, miniscule inferno
making his way through the forest as fire burns beneath his tiny feet

only a few leaves and twigs will catch
only a frog or two will perish

still, what a bother to clean up

the jittering of joints at high speed and under the pressure of gravity made the perfect backdrop to the half melody tangling us up

the music of my love, his voice quietly mimics songs he could have written for me if he had got there first

but I prefer the music he did write for me
I prefer it more than any Frank Ocean or James Brown

cute thing, hot thing,  
sweet words, sure

but I prefer the words
of my everything

How can you deny the sandy beaches with sand as yellow as the sun up above-
the sea so clean and pure that you could drink it!

people come from all around to see the beauty of our land, and why wouldn't they?

How do you tell me empty streets with broken lights and tripped over bins is not perfect?

How can you say that the benches where the homeless sleep are anything but amazing?

The tranquil streams of spilled alcohol and the gentle shimmer of syringes stepped on in a hurry by the wonderful youth that live here-

simply miraculous.

come one, come all~

come see the beach, stare out to the ocean!

the other sights will come in due time

I feel the cold weather, gale forces sweeping through the coast and tides trickle upwards in embrace of the parked cars on the harbour

for an Englishman, I'm not a very English man
my upper lip is not stiff,
it trembles and it shakes,
as do I

there is no calm on these storming streets and I don't know how I can carry on

hurt me if you really want to

you can't turn me off

and I promise
I won't ever say no

there isn't anything my unclean body couldn't bare through gritted teeth
and hyperventilation

I'll have fun,
even if I don't like it
even if I try and cut the ***** memories out

because I really do like the bad feeling

the willing victim.
Stockholm syndrome?
no.
It's not a person.
it's the feeling I can't escape.

I like to hurt
and I like every touch to burn holes in my skin like I do whenever I get sad

I like each word to be sharp and venomous like a cobra
no-  
a boa constrictor, wrapping itself around my tender heart and choking it until the only thing beating is you-

or anyone.
I don't mind.

just make me cry and
I'll do whatever you say.

I don't want to be clean.

you cannot idle by on your Saturday evenings, wasting away to the song you could have written if only you had thought of it in time!

your lungs will inflate and deflate and your heart will go dudum for a few decades yet!

you must live! you must take the dusk in your stride;

take a stroll on Sunday morning,
you'll find something to write about
and in doing so,
you'll find something to live for

If sitting in the middle of a boring class, half-asleep with the teacher droning on about long-division was a colour, that would be my eyes.

Dull. Boring. Nothing special.

Somewhere you just want to leave.

My eyes don't sparkle like the stars, they aren't deep like a poem.

They are shallow.
Lifeless.

My eyes are the only thing that describe me well,
because with no words they still say something about me:

DEAD.

It was a long time ago

I would be woken up by my brothers' loud music taste

I would rush downstairs to sing along to whatever pop-punk or metal band it was

I would scream and hurt my voice

But I wouldn't care

I would stare out of my window and see the trains flash past

I would run around outside playing football and hide and seek

I would spend the rainy days playing whatever video game I wanted

I would never be bored
And I had it all

I had everything I ever wanted

But that was all before it happened

It was all different one day

Dinner was quiet

We were sent to our room for no reason

Me and my brother obeyed

I still remember shouting and someone being dragged out of the house

I couldn't see but I could hear it

I remember nothing

Then a SMASH

Then SIRENS

Then nothing

And I saw red and blue lights out of the window

My brother just told me to keep quiet

And go to sleep

It'll all be ok once I go to sleep

I didn't sleep at all

It was a long night

We didn't see our dad for a while after that

My brother didn't play his music anymore

I never watched the trains

My brother didn't want to play with me

I didn't feel like playing games, either

Then we moved away from that place

No more big TV with loud speakers

No more train tracks

No more big garden where we can run

No more video games

We lost it all

And ever since I've tried to get it back

I tried to get the music, and the trains, and the field, and the games back

But that day it all died

And I can't ever have it back

to live with a female body;
it would have been fine!
if only that body
happened to be mine

HALCYON BOY. 17. DESTROYED AND THEN DIED.

LOST GIRL. 14. NEVER EXISTED FOR ME.

LOST BOY. 15. POTENTIAL TO DESTROY.

PERFECT GIRL. 16. NEVER CHARGED FOR HER CRIMES.

WANNABE BOY. 13. TAKEN BEFORE HIS TIME.

MELANCHOLY BOY. 14. DYING.

Gunfire rattled through the tranquillity, shattering like the bones he trod on to get this far

He laughed a little, because he heard them squeak and squawk when he stamped their life away

He pumps the shells out of his rifle, seeking any pray that is unlucky enough to find him

He quiets down, and sneaks on the brown autumn leaves while they crunch

He finds what he's looking for, he sees her stand tall and proud and happy

He readies his gun, steadily aiming at her

Her skin is a rough brown and her orange hair is falling out, and covers the floor like a carpet

He laughs a little while he pulls the trigger, sending a few bullets into her thick skin

Her bark breaks and there's a hole, the bullet is stuck inside of her

And he chuckles while inspecting what he's done, and he thinks "wow, I did this."

The tree is still standing, and she always will be

But the gunman, he now knows what he can do

and she will never be able to stop him from that

the gunman walks away with a cocky smile, whistling a tune

The tree simply stands, and grieves for his future crimes

Do you ever see something that's almost perfect

and there's nothing wrong,
there's just something not right

a tiny thing that you cannot pin down

that makes you think

"This is not as it is supposed to be"?

"BUT WE WERE BOTH YOUNG,
SHOULD I BE CHARGED WITH A CRIME
THAT I WAS TOO JUVENILE TO UNDERSTAND?"

IF YOU PLUNGED A KNIFE
INTO MY TODLER CHEST

WOULD YOU BE ASKING THE SAME THING?

When did
"I am your equal,
I want mutual respect and love.
What is mine is yours,
And I will give you Eden if you desire it,
I will protect you,
I promise no evil will be upon you."

Become
"I am your superior,
I demand worship.
I am entitled to everything you have,
Because you deserve nothing-
You deserve to be tossed into the street,
And torn apart by stray dogs.
You are a nothing but a burden"?

When I think about you

One thing immediately springs to mind

Nothing scares me more

than your eyes

Your cold, harsh, dead, eyes

The kind you could get lost in

The kind that lead you in and traps you until your screaming for help to escape

The kind that grab you and pull you until you're too exhausted to fight back

The kind that haunt you, that you can't forget but, god, how you want to

Oh god even talking about it sends shivers down my spine

You terrify me

You used to bring me comfort but now all you do is bring me fear

True fear

Not anxiety, discomfort, or nervousness

FEAR.

I'm afraid of you

As I should be

You have a rabid wolf in your heart

if you even have a heart

You tear people apart

Not just me

You torment and torture

I don't know if you find that funny

But I suppose if you didn't

You wouldn't do it

I'm not even sure that you're real

I just hope that only my imagination could create something so..

You.

Your eyes are the reason I don't sleep

Because I'm afraid

That I'll wake up

And I'll see them again

WHY DO YOU DECIDE TO LOVE EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT ME?

YOU ARE MINE
WHETHER YOU WANT THAT OR NOT

AND WHETHER YOU WANT ME OR NOT
I AM YOURS

You really want to die?

You tell me a lot how you don't like this place anymore
You tell me so much about how nothing goes right anymore
You tell me you don't want to be here anymore

I don't really understand why
I guess I never do
I guess my thoughts don't span to sympathy

I guess my efforts to get you to stay are nothing to you

I don't mind that

My efforts don't mean much to anyone

Never mind someone like you

You speak of how you will rid yourself of the curse of life

How you will not be here forever

A lot less then forever

You've almost done it a few times

And I don't know what I would do if it really happened

But If you really must die..

Just die knowing you made my life so much better

Die knowing..

The best part of my life

Was having your life in it

Please

Die knowing that..

Die knowing

that I love you

And I always will

you
make
my
heavy
heart
feel
weightless