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I kept having people come up to me
and call me a name I no longer recognized
She's long gone I thought,
how can they think she is me?
Because she smiled and laughed
and the sun shined from within her
Now I'm running down hills through a field
from the echo of that name
I was surprised they even remembered
the girl I used to be
She felt so ******* free
but I could hardly sleep at night
I was no longer me.
Alone?
Feel incredibly unloved and unwanted?
Because the only person
that would love to spend the
whole day
With you...
is your one year old.
And that’s only because
she spends the most time
With you
And you’re her buddy.
I’m not minimizing that love
or taking it for granted.
But it’s hurtful
not to be just ONE person’s
first pick.
Their favorite human,
their best friend.
Someone who wants to share
Moments,
Stresses
And memories
With each other.
Because you simply,
mean that much to them.
That is why my heart
is sore.
I was supposed to save you
Take the demons far away,
demons far away
and let the pain be free

Be your angel,
your heroine
and instead I let you fall,
but God I prayed

You were counting on me
and instead of showing you the way
My wings disappeared
and I've been falling since the day
Hey darling, hey darling
can't you see?
the world has darkened
since you left
and I can't seem to find
one last speck of light
floating among this galaxy
so take my hand
and lead me there
so i can walk
on fallen stars
with you, hand in hand
I craved soul searching literature
And words that stumbled off your tongue
I wanted conversation about society and worldly topics
I didn't care about pop culture
Or who was marrying whom
So I read Dickens, Shakespeare, and Seuss
And I understood
But my memory was cloudy
Names never stuck
And when conversation came
I couldn't tell what from what
I wasn't worldly or interesting
I knew no fascinating facts
I look back and I see a father who was never home
Who the **** cares?
I see a father who liked to drink a lot
Who the **** cares?
I see a father who didn't take care of us
I see a father who didn't spend time with us
I see a father who saw our mother die
and never opened that door again
I see a father who hit me when
I told him I needed a help
I see a father who became half of a parent
when my mother died
I don't see a father at all

I see a loving mother
Why so great?
I see a mother who tried to be there
Why so great?
I see a mother whose kisses and love
I took for granted
I see a mother who was sick
even without the cancer
I see a mother who never really gave up
Now, I don't see a mother at all

I see a girl who lost the song in her heart
and all her hope was lost
No one saw a daughter at all.
Bleached and dying coral
Light before the crash
Brighter than the star
before it disappeared
Skulls of dead animals
littered with bones on the side of the road

I used to see you standing there
Long, white flowing night gown
but I threw it in the ocean
before I let you go

Garlic clove before it hit the pain
Dove, freedom, hope
Death

Doctors and nurses
and the sheets of your
hospital bed

Your face before your heart stopped
and you let me see
that the darkness in white
is all that I can ever be.
This was the last song I listened to with you and we were driving in my car with the top down, watching the leaves fly up behind us on 32. I sang at the top of my lungs and you started to cry because the wounds of losing Dylan were so fresh and I cried too. You grabbed my hand I told you never to let go. And god the world keeps spinning, everyone keeps going on and I just want to scream that I'm not sure i'll ever be ready, can we just take a minute? Because if I move too fast I'm afraid i'll forget what you smell like, or your beautiful voice, or the way you help me so close. Now I'm standing here with a hand that doesn't know if it's holding only air and a heart that's waiting to skip a beat that matches yours perfectly. Crashing, falling down, I'm broken so just let me be.
"Call It Karma-Silverstein"
Call it karma because I was supposed to save you. I was supposed to be your angel that saved you from all of this. And I blame myself because you died in my arms that morning and it was all my fault.
I used to tell you
things would be different now
They weren't
I used to tell myself
you would be there for me
Through the moments of certain demise
And when we sat up on our clouds of drifting smoke
You weren't
I held my breath
I waited for it to come down to this?
I stared into a fire that threatened
to burn down the whole world
or simply sputter ash till it put itself out
You once help me so close
That the comfort was everlasting
I made promises I wouldn't keep
My soul threatened to be captured
by the forced that surrounded me
But sometimes things need to happen
In order for us
to see a glimmer of light
in a night with no moon
Like a summer peach
you tasted so sweet
I bit into you harder
so you wouldn't feel the ache
but deep beneath the pain
and all of the regret
was a deep and rotten pit
and you wouldn't grow again

Hard and strong
like an oak
with withered branches
and dying leaves
you climb at first with ease
but closer to the top
your limbs start to fall away
and as you reach the top
a sad heart lies still.
She stood there
eyes dancing
watching for the perfect moment
Her gold iris's glowed
as a promise of light
surfaced upon them
She stepped with
the tips of her paws
Careful to step around the creaks
of the old rotting floor
She crouched low
perfecting her stance
as an ignorant plump mouse
ventured around his new home
She licked the edges of her sharp teeth
and approached with agility now
but still not a sound magnified through her ears
The mouse heard her thumps
her steps
He waited, pretending to be more interested
in a crumb in front of him
He watched her from the corner of his eye
Chuckling with insanity
And as she clumsily approached from behind
He moved quick to his left
And the chase was on
Every move was caught last second
by his devilish grin
He made it into his hole in record time
and he stared at the poor old bat
Searching for him in the darkness
As he squeaked away
There was no more lights in your eyes
Who was the thief to steal it away?
And you told me it was our yesterday and tomorrow
Were you ready to leave it all behind?
You were gripping the sheets
said real love only graced you once
and you had lost that just once
What was worth living for?
The sunshine still danced
on our bedroom window
But your side of the bed was
now cold
And the world kept spinning
But you couldn't forget yesterday
Darkness feeds on light
That speckle of warmth and white
that flushes out your blood
And you are left with the warmth of your first kiss
Lying in a pond on a warm summer day while cold rain nips at your skin

So I looked for you in the night
And you were laying on mountains
Trying to soften the shivering ridges

I traveled the world
Looking for a mountain high enough to reach the stars
And I lay atop you
Tossing stars aside
To make wishes come true
While the cool grass tickled at the most sensitive part of my arms and feet
You gently blew my hair
and it whipped around me

I sold my bus pass to a traveler
to find the edges of your lips
And I jumped and bounced into the softness of your skin
I grabbed ahold onto the roots of your hair
And swung myself
Into the sea of stars
A force so strong it knocked the wind out of my lungs
So I took a big breath
And was rewarded with clouds of daisies swimming through the galaxy like me

Ah, my love
You're physical form is no longer with me
but I feel you in everything
I must say, this could use some editing but writing it made me feel a lot less sadness about my boyfriend I lost about a month ago. Please enjoy my words about my loved one and let me know what you think!  I also hope that someone else might find solace here.
A shadow of immense power
had let darkness take over
and I was unable to see
a bit of light in the sky above me

Even the pool of water
below me was stagnant
and for a little while,
the wilderness was silent

The city's never ending gobble
had slowed
and the streets were empty
except for the travelers
hoping to beat the rush
that would never come

I wore your raincoat
but shed it
when I heard the thunder
ripple through the sky
through my body
Reverberating off the tips
off the trees I climbed as a child

I smile at you, my world
and danced in the gift
you had left for me

— The End —