Locked in my room
Letting the days go by without any care in the world
For I've lost everything I felt was important
Drifting into an abyss
There was only one more thing left to lose

I've wrote the notes over and over again
Hoping somehow I'd find the right words to express how I felt
But on paper, the words would disappear as soon as I wrote them
With a heavy heart, my tears washed the ink away until I could no longer hold the pen

I threw away the stacks of paper
And went on a walk to find my final resting place
On the edge of a building I sit and restless
With nothing but the photos in my phone to keep me company
The last image I'll carve into memory is that of the door you've left through without saying goodbye
I'm ready to see what lies beyond the door

For these weary eyes to see you again

These endless dreams of you beside me never cease,
A fleeting joy turned nightmare when I wake alone.
How do I continue without you near?
How do I move past the joy you once brought?

Regret fills me for burning bridges, now gone,
Memories haunt each day as if we just broke up.
I lie to myself, pretending I don't need you,
Yet you were the missing piece that completed me.

Now, emptiness lingers where once you filled my world,
Yearning to reclaim what's lost, though it slips away.
I should have moved on, why do I still hold on?
Guilt seeps in for feeling this amidst a new love.

You were my everything, now I'm shattered,
Incomplete without you, left in broken fragments.

In the depths of despair, I find myself bound
Wrapping my feelings, discarded and drowned
A facade I wear, to hide all the sad
These pills promised joy, but it's all just a fad

Awoken from slumber, uncertainty sets in
A dreamlike haze, questioning where I've been
Carelessly ingesting the pills I rely
But happiness eludes, just a hollowed-out lie

A world spinning 'round as I lay on the floor
Regret floods my thoughts, seeping to my core
Perhaps behind the smile, I was never truly glad
A facade shattered, revealing the sadness I've had

Waiting for flatline as time slips away
The clock's steady ticking, my senses betray
Listening closely, knowing the world will carry on
In its blissful ignorance, without me, it will dawn.

Tiny bird, so full of hope
Longing to see the world beyond
Yet confined in its cage
Filled with illusions
Believing in a place
Where freedom reigns

Tiny bird, With crippled wings
Unable to soar
Above the endless sea
Chirping with faith
That its song will heal
Someone's distorted mind

Tiny bird, the door is open
A chance to take flight
And bathe in the Sun's rays
Look at how your eyes reflect
The glimmer of hope
That was once diminished

Tiny bird, harmed by cruelty
Taking a leap
Risking life for its desire
Against all odds
Tweets of delight echoes above
As a path has revealed

Tiny bird, with a world to explore
Unwavering in its pursuit
To see what lies beyond its cage
With mangled wings
He turns away
From the life that leaves him immobile

Oh, How Tiny I must appear
As this bird soars away

I lay awake at night,
Pondering how paths diverged,
With the underlying question
Of what could have been

If only you had been there,
Guiding as a father should,
Perhaps then I wouldn't feel
Like a mere void in existence.

I cannot face my reflection,
Without questioning my essence,
Trying on masks, seeking one unbroken,
In the labyrinth of self-discovery.

It's all so vexing,
A lamentation of lost chances,
I resort to scars to uncover,
What remnants of you remain.

And the ache intensifies,
Knowing siblings exist, but unseen,
Do they yearn for connection,
Do they dream of knowing me?

Why must I be ensnared,
In this cycle of longing,
I endure the weight of ignorance,
Of a life left unexplored.

I wish these emotions could resonate,
And impart the depth of my sorrow,
You do not merit the title of father,
You are but a stranger I regret "knowing"

Hello to the 3-year-old who lost innocence early,
Losing a world of purity and light.
Now grown, shedding a face set to default
For one deemed "acceptable"

What does your true face resemble now,
As you mold to fit in?
Do you still grasp the understanding of your expressions?

The thoughts haunting your mind,
Are they the norm you perceive?
Staring at the ceiling,
Heart fluttering in panic.

Is it fear that grips you,
Or a fleeting relief?
Does the weighty silence
Lead you to seek solace in music?

Where do you wander
As rhythms loop endlessly?

A day will dawn, breaking
This cycle of self-neglect.
How will transformation manifest?
A lily in hand, turning crimson,
Or finding peace amidst wilted petals?

Eyes meet with supposed warmth,
Yet fear misconstrues as judgment.
The first syllable of your name
Raises goosebumps of dread.

Visible and heard, unwanted,
In the unmerciful words of others.
Sinking deeper into masks,
Straying from true selves.

Why are your smiles held with
Scotch tape and glue,
Holding despite the cuts of insults?
How do you continue
As a mere stepping stone for others?

Answers unfold within the hourglass
As we journey on, unsure.

Afraid of your game of charades
But at ease when your presence fades  
I can turn my head in a myriad of ways  
Yet you relentlessly hold me in your sway

The hurt I bear, to you it's amusing  
Yet I will endure, forever refusing  
And when I slip back to the start  
You smile when I fall apart

Once I felt freedom's embrace  
You sought to attack without a trace  
No matter how content I strive to be  
The mask I wear binds you to me

The shattered glass I grasp  
Reflects your smile, a haunting clasp
With arms now stained in crimson hue  
I collapse upon my knees, subdued

Eyes shut tight, I still behold your form  
Nerves frayed, yet I sense your storm  
You steal my essence, leave me hollow,  
Yet demons within, quietly follow.

A portion of the wall, concealed deceitfully,
A portrait framed, superficially free,
Yet its distance from truth, painfully clear to see.

A painted smile, deceivingly grand,
But the cracks in the facade, I failed to understand,
A puppeteer's trick, I was caught in his hand.

Beneath the illusion, hidden in the shade,
Chains of despair, with scars never fade,
Unable to voice the anguish, in silence I stayed.

The colors of the photo, a deceptive hue,
Gray like the lies, only tears stay true,
A facade that crumbles, revealing the blue.

A picture of a dream, forever unreal,
A happy family, love he can't truly feel,
On the wall, a tragedy concealed.

In that portrait, lies a departed soul,
A family fractured, the lies uroll,
A better version, I yearn to console.

Drifting through the clouds
On the blackest of nights
Fixated on the moon
Exquisite and bright

Amidst the silence
As the air slips by
I shut my eyes
Yet betray no fright

The chill of the wind
Calms my soul
The swifter my descent
The faster slumber's hold

Scenes of the past
Reveal my falls
As my form meets the water
I'll be numb to it all

I'm sinking
In an ocean of sorrow
One last glance at the moon
I won't live for tomorrow

The rain will drown me
Yet I find solace in its embrace
While the clouds weave their beauty above

I am supposed to be fearful
Knowing that at any instant, I could fade
Yet, I am enveloped in tranquility

I've evaded my emotions for too long
Ignored the depths of my heart
And yet, I am capable of feeling so deeply

Reveal to me a world
That exists beyond my mind's grasp
Where the light resides and illuminates

Let me be consumed by the waters
Gazing eternally at the clouds
In a different realm, my soul yearns to explore

Escaped from fears
Smiles hiding tears
Yet Unable to sleep
Emotions Buried so deep

Losing a friend
Trying to comprehend
A candle snuffed out
Turning away in doubt

A father deceased
Farwell, We feast
Another sky turned gray
Hearts left in disarray

Return of Wrongdoer
Smiles become fewer
Drugs to help cope
Losing what little hope

Feelings to address
Family in distress
A mother points blame
A heart left maimed

Apology never received
False affections believed
Silent the line stays
As I've departed ways

Is it suitable
To retreat from the crowd's gaze
Cloaked in solitude's embrace
While the world observes

Is it suitable
To remain silent amed kin
While shards of self scatters
Like fractured glass

Is it suitable
To shed tears unending
Longing for affection
To shroud haunting memories

Is it suitable
To let crimson rivers flow
Yearning for absolution
As shadows converse

Is it suitable
To confide in you thus
Praying for a gental touch

Is it suitable
To question endlessly
When escape feels futile

Is it suitable
To simply exist as I am

Shattered memories scattered wide
Distrust and doubt, they do reside
Curious minds, they wonder and pick
Yet the fading day ends with a simple click

Uncertain of the right or wrong
Wondering where I truly belong
A cycle spinning like a cruel trick
And once more, the night concludes with a chilling click

Hoping that my words will find an ear
Longing for the day I disappear
Seeking silence to heal the sick
In this room, the only sound is the click

Burning candles, a solitary prayer
Seeking solace, for sense of repair
Pondering if the golden gates are slick
A question left lingering, while waiting for the click

Shallow breath taken, quivering in fear
One more pull, a solution draws near
Let faith decide where I belong
Let one more "click" inform me I'm wrong

Locked within these walls, my days slip away
Apathetic to the world's concerns, it seems I've lost my way
Drifting aimlessly in an abyss of despair
Each passing moment thickens the air

In countless notes, I sought the words to express my soul
Yet, on paper, they vanished, leaving me empty and cold
With tear-stained cheeks, the ink faded from my grasp
Unable to hold the pen, my heart dampened like a fallen leaf's gasp

The piles of paper, reminders of my futile attempt
I discarded them all, seeking solace in my final ascent
Perched on a ledge, restlessness consumes my being
Only photos on my phone, preserving memories I'm leaving

The image of your departing silhouette etched in my mind
The door you exited without farewell, the last mark I find
Beyond that threshold, I am ready to embrace the unknown
With weary eyes, I yearn for the day when you and I are again sown.