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635 · Mar 2018
Drowning
Beaux Mar 2018
Their words pushed me into the water
They became waves stealing my breath
They turned to brinks around my wrists
     Pulling me
     Down
     Down
     Down
“It’s easy to swim” they said
They moved easily through the water
“You just need to try a little harder”
     I sank
     Down
     Down
     Down
My lips parted allowing the air to escape
Cold water rushed into my lungs
I gasped searching for any amount of relief
     I fell
     Down
     Down
     Down
I felt the ocean floor against my feet
Fine sand floated around me in a haze
The darkness enveloped me in a cold embrace
     I accepted the end
     I drowned
     Drowned
     Drowned...
A poem about depression
614 · Dec 2017
Disappointment
Beaux Dec 2017
Disappointment

I see it in my mother’s eyes
I hear it in her voice
I feel it in the air
The tension is painful
It’s sharp like needles against my skin

Her words hit me like broken glass
“Can’t” “Don’t” “Wouldn’t”

“Why”
     It stings
“Why”
     It seeps into my skin
“Why”
     It creeps through my veins

How does a mother’s disappointment explain why?

Why?
     My brain was asleep
Why?
     I was on autopilot
Why?
     My head was full of fog
Why?
     I wasn’t in control

Disappointment.

I am everyone’s greatest.
Written: 12-12-17
I'm just having a rough time
Beaux Sep 2014
His shattered and broken
He needs me now
I want to kiss him
Make him feel okay
But he can't see my passion
Only feel it
591 · Sep 2014
Him
Beaux Sep 2014
Him
His hair is caramel with a twist
Light and dark
Golden and perfect
It just falls short of his eyes
He smiles widely
His teeth straight and white
His eyes they linger on hazel
When he's serious they dip to brown
He always seems to make me smile
He doesn't know it yet
But I love him
I really do
He may not know me well
But he's too perfect not to just stand and stare
Him. Gosh it gives me goosebumps
589 · Aug 2019
Left Alone
Beaux Aug 2019
Leave me alone
I screamed it into the night

Leave me alone
I cried it into my pillows

Leave me alone
I begged it into the dark

Leave me alone

So they did

They left me alone
583 · Sep 2014
My story
Beaux Sep 2014
My story doesn't start with,
Once Upon A Time
It starts with my kingdom
The king, the queen, and their only son
They were happy together in the castle they had
But every story starts with a tragedy
The king and queen clashed quite often
His bottles and mistress followed him home
Then he was gone, he opened the door and left
They didn't see him again after that
The queen fell into smoke and bitter liquids
Their son was forced to take charge
Things moved on slowly but the kingdom crumbled
Years past and plants took over the walls
The prince decided he'd had enough
He rebuilt his family
He build walls around his heart
Then he fell sick
He moved far from home
He held the weight of the pain on his shoulders
He cloaked himself in silence
An angel came and picked up the pieces
She brought him light
But he crumbled within slowly
His heart burning with the rhythm of a drum
It's true what they say
Happily ever afters really are only in books
That boy is me and the queen is my mother
The rancid hearted king was my father
So long and goodnight
547 · Sep 2014
Mindy
Beaux Sep 2014
A small girl sees a doll
Her name is Lucy
It's holding up 3 fingers
Her mother buys it
The girl goes home
She plays with this new doll
She names her Mindy
The girl is called to dinner
She falls asleep soon after
Carried off to bed
The doll is forgotten on the step
The girl hears a noise in the night
"Lucy I'm on the first step"
In a glassy voice
They a thump and a drag
"Lucy I'm on the second step"
Thump, drag
"Lucy I'm on the third step"
Thump, drag
"Lucy I'm on the fourth step"
Thump, drag
"Lucy I'm on the fifth step."
Thump, drag
On until step eighteen
"Lucy I'm at the landing"
Thump, drag, thump, drag
Foot steps towards the door
Thump, drag, thump drag
A soft knock on the door
"Lucy I'm here"
The door creaks open
The footsteps approach
The girl is paralyzed with fear
The comforter at the end of the bed pulls
The doll appears
She crawls across the bed
"Hello Lucy"
She holds up four fingers in a wave
The dolls holds a knife
"Goodnight Lucy"
This is creepy. I admit it freaks me out
541 · Apr 2018
Stubbornly in Love
Beaux Apr 2018
When his eyes lit up
They glowed amber
Out shining the stars in the sky

When his lips laughed
They vocalized a melody
Harmonizing with the universe

When his smile beamed
It radiated happiness
Dazzling even the sun above

I should have noticed

When his eyes dimmed
They flickered chocolate
Barely a candle in the dark

When his lips quieted
They whispered noise
Barely murmurs in the silence

When his smile dulled
It reflected joy
Barley a stone among gems

I should have known
When his eyes went dark

I should have known
When his lips went silent

I should have known
When his smile went cold

I should have known

I should have known

I should have known...
4/29/18
536 · Dec 2017
Dysphoria
Beaux Dec 2017
It starts in my chest and grows
like a parasite it eats at me
It feeds on my insecurities
It weighs me down

It runs through my veins and spreads
like a virus it breaks me down
It drains me of energy
It slows me down

Its destroying me
12-16-17
515 · May 2019
Broken and Defeated
Beaux May 2019
A down trodden path.

A rainy night.

Muddy boots.

****** hands.

Marching on.

And on.

And on.

Tear stained cheeks.

Eyes filled with terror.

Hopeless,

Lonely,

Broken,

and

Defeated.
5/5/19
515 · Nov 2018
Empty
Beaux Nov 2018
I'm devoid of all emotion
I'm just empty

I smile
I laugh
I joke

None of it meets my eyes

I draw
I sing
I dance

None of it is fun

I sleep
I eat
I shower

None of it seems needed

I hurt
I cry
I cut

None of it seems bad

I'm devoid of all emotion
I'm just empty
11-28-18
511 · Sep 2014
Beauty and the Beast
Beaux Sep 2014
Beauty oh beauty
Where have you been?
There's a beast in the tower
You must come look
Beauty oh beauty
Isn't it a ghastly thing
Fangs like a lion
Fur like a dog
Beauty oh beauty
Where are you going?
That thing dangerous
Stay away quick
Beauty oh beauty
What are you thinking?
I’m a beast, I’m a monster
You should stay away
Beast oh beast
Do my eyes deceive me?
You’re not a beast
You’re beauty lies within
505 · May 2019
Just Remember 5-14-19
Beaux May 2019
“We don’t remember days, we remember moments.”

I remember four boys
willing to take in a lost kid.
I remember meeting him
in the middle of a winter night.
I remember meeting him
when we got lost among the rocks.
I remember meeting him
in an island bakery.
I remember meeting him
when I tripped into his life.

I remember that first gathering,
how awkward and nervous I was.
I remember not wanting to speak
for fear of ruining everything.
I remember mad libs in the dark,
how I never knew my turn.
I remember telling them my age,
for I am but a child in this world.
I remember talks under the stars,
how we were never tired yet.

I remember hearing his voice
and being surprised by him.
I remember adventures in the trees,
learning what it means to be mortal.
I remember learning his language
and completely butchering it.
I remember keeping him up,
how he claimed to never be tired.
I remember the sound of his voice
and the color of his eyes.

I remember his unique accent
and how mesmerized I was.
I remember the forbidden mine
that echoed with our laughter.
I remember the stories he told
and the memories he shared.
I remember hearing his dream,
how he wants to change the world.
I remember the way he spoke
and the hope he gave me.

I remember being nervous around him
and not wanting to mess up.
I remember when he called me friend,
how happy and proud I felt.
I remember his bad jokes
and the chaos he caused.
I remember his description of me,
how beautifully he thought of me.
I remember the strength in his words
and the safety I felt in them.

I remember how he stumbled
and how embarrassed he was.
I remember complimenting him,
how flushed his cheeks got.
I remember his infectious laugh
and the brilliant smile that joined it.
I remember how he treated everyone,
how he made all of them feel loved.
I remember seeing the universe in his eyes
and finally feeling free.

I remember hearing his voice
and how it shook with fear.
I remember his unique accent
and how choked up it was.
I remember him being nervous
and not wanting to slip up.
I remember how he stumbled
and how terrified he was.

I remember my skin
and all the blood it let.
I remember the pain,
how I went numb.
I remember the tears
and how they stung.
I remember my breaths
and my struggling lungs.
I remember it wasn’t enough,
that there had to be more.

I remembered my boys.

I remembered their fear filled eyes.
I remembered their tear-stained cheeks.
I remembered their hitching breaths.
I remembered their shaking voices.
I remembered their worrying hands.

I remembered.

I remembered
I needed them.

I remembered
They needed me.

I remembered my family.

I remembered
I couldn’t leave them.

I remembered to live.
For my sweet boys
468 · May 2019
Bad Days
Beaux May 2019
Bad days come and go
they weigh me down
they're heavy on my chest
they're a strain on my breath

Bad days come and go
they tire me out
they're a fog I can't clear
they're the blur in my eyes

Bad days come and go
they wear me down
they're cuts against my skin
they're the weariness in my bones

Bad days come and go
they come and go
they come and never go

It's just another bad day

Right?
5/5/19
450 · Aug 2014
How you want
Beaux Aug 2014
Some people won't like you
Some people will fight against you
Sometimes things won't go your way
People will tell you what to do
What to feel
How to dress, but that doesn't always mean you have to follow
If you want to go to school everyday in a giraffe suit
Go ahead
As long as it makes you happy it shouldn't matter what others think
Stand up for what you believe even if that means standing alone
You'll go further this way
Not really a poem, but oh well
441 · Sep 2014
*Those Eyes*
Beaux Sep 2014
Your eyes they hold the key to your soul
They burn me through with passion
My love for you is far greater than any sum
My love for you is  bulletproof
But those eyes they shoot me through
Your eyes range in colors so varied
The only color I'm able to pull is brown
A deep hazel that peers through me at my naked soul
A hazel so strong that it could take down a thousand of the Earths finest warriors with little effort
A color that I have grown so fond of I see it when I close my own eyes
Your eyes are my favorite thing to look at
I see them before I go to bed
And when I wake up in the morning
Your eyes are the reason I keep moving
Somewhere you are waiting for me with those eyes
I can't wait to see them
434 · Sep 2014
My soul
Beaux Sep 2014
My soul is locked away
Deep in my shattered heart
Behind broken walls
Through collapsing tunnels
My soul is locked away
I gave you the key
To the castle of my heart
You came and you destroyed
My soul is locked away
My walls burned
My gates fell
My secrets spilled out
My soul is locked away
You know how to get me
You know how to break me
You know what hurts the most
My soul is locked away
Love was your weapon
Charm was your shield
You shattered me
You're the reason my soul is locked away
431 · Jul 2014
Invisible
Beaux Jul 2014
You don't see me but I'm there
You don't know it but I'm listening
When you walk, I walk with you
When you tell jokes, I laugh
When you sing to yourself, I applaud
You don't know me, but I know you
Whenever you've thought you were alone
I was there
431 · Sep 2014
Through my eyes
Beaux Sep 2014
You laugh
You point
You stare
You spread a rumor
You talk behind my back
You beat
You yell
You call out a name that sticks
You crush me
Through my eyes
I'm embarrassed
I'm nervous
I'm sad
I'm depressed
I'm beaten
I'm torn
I'm bloodied
I'm defeated
Through my eyes
My life is ruined
My life is worthless
My life is over
I stood there and you pushed
1, 2, 3 steps back
I stood there and you shoved me
1, 2, 3 steps closer
You stood there and tapped me
1 step back
I've fallen
Down, down, down
Through my eyes it was worth it
Fight through the pain to feet the release
424 · Sep 2014
My heart
Beaux Sep 2014
My heart is full
My heart is true
My heart is all just for you
Pathetic but written from my twisted heart
408 · Dec 2017
Beyond
Beaux Dec 2017
Beyond my faded skin is more than you can see
Beyond my glassy eyes is more than you can know
Beyond my broken frame is more than you can understand

You don't look beyond
You think you know
You don't really understand

All you see is my crumbling skin
All you know are my foggy eyes
All you understand are my collapsing bones

You don't take the time to look beyond
408 · Aug 2019
The Best Days of Our Lives
Beaux Aug 2019
Summer after our senior year
The best days of our lives
The best parties
The best dreams
The best memories

It was supposed to be
The best days of our lives

Not enough was done
Not enough was said
Not enough was together

Together
Together we’ve laughed
Together we’ve hugged
Together we’ve dreamed
Together we’ve believed
Together we’ve loved

Together doesn’t last forever

The best days of our lives
Were spent apart

The best days of our lives
Were spent away

The best days of our lives
Are gone

These were supposed to be
The best days of our lives
My poems usually have a repeating line or rhythm. This one is more chaotic because the way i feel is chaotic. I hope you enjoy anyways.
399 · Sep 2014
Promise
Beaux Sep 2014
You light my world
You hold me close
I kiss you gently
You hug me tightly
We are a match made in heaven
Nothing can stop us
Not time, Not space
Not 10,000 light years
I will love you no matter what
That is a promise I can keep
;-)
388 · Sep 2014
Alone
Beaux Sep 2014
Alone
                                                    me, myself and I
                        the dark is a blanket
                                                         ­                                my thoughts are knives
    they cut me deep
                                                            ­Alone
                                                                ­               suffocating air  
                                  Thick and painful
               I thought you loved me  
                                                            ­             I thought wrong
This is bad, but oh well enjoy
377 · Jul 2014
All of my heart
Beaux Jul 2014
That first summer we spent together
Talking all night
Together all day
Its funny how people wait
Patiently waiting
For a love like you and me
You were beautiful from the start
You still have all of my heart
376 · Dec 2017
The Last of my Innocence
Beaux Dec 2017
The snow began to melt when I was told to just SMiLe
The clouds turned gray when tongues around me began to curse
The doves flew from view when hate turned to cuts on my skin
The lamb disappeared when my father left and I laughed
The daisies wilted when my church preached that I'd be going to hell

The soggy ground became normal when I starved for beauty
Storms rolled in when I had my heart broken
The crows circled when pain turned to a rope around my neck
The wolves snarled when he wanted it and I couldn't form the word no
The thorns grew in when alcohol became my escape

The last of my innocence
It's a sliver of a moon in a starless sky
I fear the day I'm consumed by it and lose my way
373 · Sep 2014
Writting
Beaux Sep 2014
I write this poem with handled care
Sitting in the darkness of my lair
I type and type ideas on the page
One about a heart trapped in a cage
One about a girl falling in love
One about the true symbolism of a dove
click clack, click clack
The sound fills my ears
The words I've written bringing me to tears
I sit and ponder what is good and what is bad
I write my poems wondering if it’s just a fad
I think of him and what he’d do
He’d probably scream and throw his shoe
He’d yell that he’s not good then laugh at it
He’d come over to me and sit
We’d talk and write about our dreams
But that could never become true as it seems
Writing, writing in my room
A story emerges from the gloom
Here I sit and here I stay
Until I write another day
A poem I plan on submitting to a contest you may hear about it. Feedback is wonderful. Judge it and tear it apart tell me how to improve please
373 · Sep 2018
Colors of a Drunken Night
Beaux Sep 2018
He reeked of alcohol.
He swayed as he walked,
His words slurred.

Browns, blues, purples
The colors of his rings against my skin.

Green, grey, yellow
The colors of puke on the ground.
I didn’t know if it was mine or his.

White, red, black
The colors of blissful unconsciousness.
369 · Aug 2014
Love like woe
Beaux Aug 2014
You're my second half
My one and only
Your hand fits perfectly into mine
We shine together like stars in the sky
You're my love in this love like woe
For my special half. You know who you are
342 · Jul 2014
Haunted
Beaux Jul 2014
You think things are fine
You think you're alone
I'm there
You think its just a flicker
You think its just the tree
You think its just the wind
You think its just a blackout
You're wrong
It's me at your window
It's me under the bed
It's me behind the curtain
You see me in you're mirror
You think it's just a trick of the eye
You think you're alone
You thought wrong
341 · Dec 2017
Seven Deadly Emotions
Beaux Dec 2017
Stress
Eating at my stomach
An acid dripping through my chest
Burning in my blood
Searing in my skin

Frustration
Clogging my lungs
A hand clenching my heart
Freezing my limbs
Blocking my thoughts

Doubt
Fogging my thoughts
A weight pushing on my chest
Crushing my heart
Choking my lungs

Anxiety
Racing hot in my blood
A bear trap around my ribs
Compressing my organs
Stopping my breath

Exhaustion
Weighing down my thoughts
A sharp pain in the back of my eyes
Pulling at my eyelids
Dragging my limbs

Helplessness
Tugging at my heart
A black hole pulling away my spirit
A void in my chest
A cavern in my stomach

Anguish
Sawing at my veins
A dull knife stabbing my chest
Cutting at my stomach
Rusting my veins

I can’t escape them
They follow me like the stench of my wrongs
My fears like flies swirling around me
Learn how to rid of the smell
And you will rid of the flies
340 · Feb 2019
What do I do?
Beaux Feb 2019
What do I do
when the one I love is so lost
when he is so distant

What do I do
when he is in pain
when everything hurts

What do I do
when everything goes dark
when everything stops

What do I do?
I just wish I could help
340 · Aug 2014
Your eyes
Beaux Aug 2014
Your eyes they gleam like crystals
They reflect the moonlight
Their soft grey is almost like shattered glass
They sparkle like gems in a hidden cave
They are an escape
A way to get lost in you
Your eyes are a passageway to heaven
For Kenny
333 · Sep 2014
Smoked
Beaux Sep 2014
Light the end
Watch the flame
Feel it within
White dissipates to yellow
One by one
Pack by pack
Soars your spirit
Sets you free
Drops you low
Poisoned lungs
Coughing fits
Struggle for air
Holes for air
Oxygen for breath
Skin gone rough
'It's a metaphor'
Never said what it really could do
Finish it
To end teen smoking
319 · Sep 2014
10wordPoem
Beaux Sep 2014
I wish peace on you all
So long and goodnight
316 · Jul 2014
Dancing Darkness
Beaux Jul 2014
It swirled through the air
It curled through my fingers
It was the sound of peace in my ears
I was being lured in, I knew
  I could be dead in seconds
Somehow I kept it  at bay
It finally payed off to be different
For once it was a good thing
312 · Sep 2014
The End
Beaux Sep 2014
The story is over
This is how it ends
So long and goodnight
307 · Apr 2019
Burnt Out
Beaux Apr 2019
My words fuel a fire
Embers glowing bright

My steps stir the ash
Sending clouds into the sky

My lungs breathe the smoke
Dark and heavy

My eyes follow the sparks
Jumping and flying

My body feels the heat
Burning in my chest

My brain is melting away
My feelings lost in smoke
My thoughts burning away

My life is in flames
I am burnt out
4-8-19
295 · Sep 2014
The Bridge
Beaux Sep 2014
Your toes lean over
Your hands clutch the rail
Behind you the traffic continues
You look down at the sea below
You think it's right
You think you can
You remember the pain
You remember the faces
You remember what they said
You let go
You remember the one
The one you had loved
They lean over and scream your name
Then you regret
You regret letting go
You dream of what could have been
And you fall
But it's too late now
You decided
That was thing you did
Sometimes it's a choice
270 · May 2019
My Last Days
Beaux May 2019
In my last days
No goodbyes will be spoke
No sadness will be felt

In my last days
I will be numb
I will smile all the same

In my last days
Nothing will matter
Nothing will seem real

In my last days
No one will know
No one will stop me

On my last day
I will write a letter
I will load a gun

On my last day
There won't be tears
There won't be regret

I will be free
On my last day
5/2/19
260 · Sep 2014
Untitled
Beaux Sep 2014
Build me up
Tear me down
Pull me apart
Take me away
241 · Nov 2018
The Things I'll Never Say
Beaux Nov 2018
You'll never hear me say
That I want to hurt myself
That cuts line my skin

You'll never hear me say
That I have dark thoughts
That I am sick

You'll never hear me say
That I imagine my funeral
That I dream of it

You'll never hear me say
That I know how to tie a noose
That I've done it before

You'll never hear me say
That I've picked the date
That I have it planned

You'll never hear me say
That I'm afraid of myself
That I don't know what I'll do

You'll never hear me say
That I need help
I know I should be hospitalized but I don't want to do that to my mother. I don't want to live with the shame, with the pain. I just want it to be over with.
209 · May 2019
Behind My Smile
Beaux May 2019
Behind my smile
I'm sadder than I seem,
I'm more lost than I appear.

Behind my smile
I'm at war with myself,
I'm trapped in my own mind.

Behind my smile
I'm struggling,
I'm in pain.

Behind my smile
I'm overrun with thoughts,
I'm void of emotions.

Behind my smile
I can't go on,
I can't bear it.

Can't anyone see?
Why does no one ask
What's behind my smile.
5/3/19
205 · Apr 2019
Untitled
Beaux Apr 2019
I am a single boat
Drifting in an endless sea
I've run out of things to say 4-9-19

— The End —