Soon we'll talk like overdoses

You have cacti coming out of your eyes
Toothpicks in your teeth
Buzzards living in/on your feet
Content with eating the footsteps you follow
So you can't trace your way back home

I am seran wrap
See through
You are tinfoil
But I can't see what's underneath

You lift the blinds
blinking
A message in a bottle
in the ocean between our homes
But you are a jellyfish

(When I was a child
you laid there
tender without oxygen
you blue little jellyfish
in innocence i tried to save you)

But you are a jellyfish
And I am a lighthouse
I can't save you
Only (mis)guide you

The lines curve
like scissors,
like a paper doll
with dotted lines
and you're playing connect the dots

so you're     [  outside the box   ]
And now nobody can hear you
in this Space

Now you are cutting lines
carving gardens in your arms
hoping
coping
that these are just scars

Ambition
       becomes fear
When you're the one holding yourself back

                               ~~

The rain, drops
like seconds of a clock
And I rather keep my own time

                           ~~

The porch is stripped bare
like my opened robe
the full moon an umbrella
shining light on    my     own    pale skin
Another counterfeit
of the celestial globe

                           ~~

The shower spews meteors
burning fever, hot hot hot
like it's the one who's sick

                           ~~

I paint my nails with a
toothbrush
'Cause all I'm really doing
is trying to get Clean

                           ~~

Force fed thoughts
like baby food
when does motherly ad(vice)
Finally cut the cord

(Me) With hair of cotton candy & bird's nests
(You) Sticks for legs
(Me) Pieces of glass in my knee cap
                   in the curve of my cheek
(You) Bleeding heart, it's getting all over
                                the carpet

You hate (them)
like electric teapots
and you wish you could stop
Stop the screaming

All I want to do
is make those fevered lights
fade
Make you the only creature in my world
And I try

But I can't

Stuck in this liminal timefold
              Rabbit Hole

We sit in your car
Brains in the console
'Cause this is a heart to heart

I got a letter from my brother today...

Basic Training
"One long trip to the gym & firearms"
and in between these times
He sends me a letter
"I miss ya'll real bad"
And I remember the years between
                        us
Wondering when our speaking
will catch up
like trouble did
when were kids
"Never call me back or text me"
Letters a last resort
And so I curse myself
in broken letters

"So I feel like I've been a ****** older brother"
he writes
To his wayward sister
consumed in her own wanderlust
and higher education
fighting with herself
while he's trying to make
peace

We used to say goodbye like it was a ritual
Then it became tradition
And as we found ourselves
in future generations of our self
we can't remember the last time

We tread on broken water
the spout in her neck
running dry
No more, no more goodbye

I wish I looked more like my heritage
So I could be exposed to hate
Without looking like a hypocrite

Repeat.
Rinse your hair
Is this (your) hair

My eyes big
     my vision small

Breathing lumpy
Like my mother's mashed potatoes

Dreaming
         Too bad you're not asleep.

Deep sea memory diving

-You'd be healthier on another planet
-You'll be happier in another life
-You feel like something is missing
-You still care
-Every(no)thing is never enough
-You wait for death because of
                                what comes after

You stare at a black box
You say you like it better this way
Where the disconnect
Cannot affect

Troubled by this regurgitating behavior of  
Reducing our senses to sight
Because we barely listen

The box doesn't stare back
A disease lies hidden underneath
Asking permission to speak

She pulls the wires from her wrists
Audible pops
Like octopus suction cups
come from her brain

Shocks like jellyfish
And static
sizzle sizzle
In her eyes

Her lips on mute
Like she is the device

The bonsai crawls
with trepidation(of the sun)
from her belly button
not wanting to leave the safety of her
Mother

You're so cute with your
Existential Crisis
The lights go out
And your Ego still shines
Your mind like gold
'Cause you're just like Midas

It's like we're in the same boat
But they're different colors

'Cause being alone
Is its own form of home

I'm crying on my break.

My summer romance in winter died before leaves could even
Fall

My sister, younger
Cut her hair like mine
...for a boy

I wish I walked on air
So these footsteps
I tread with a leaking heart
Could not be easily followed

I feel like all I inherited from my father,
Is anger

The mailbox hangs open/
Trying to breathe

I wanna wake up
With stale breath
So I can ******* own venom

I don't write
I don't sleep
Eating is optional
Less human
More whim

I sit on this porch
Waiting for rain
To wash away

He chews his water
Like food for thought
Like he's never thirsty
But always starving

We both feel lucky to have each other,
but what happens when the luck runs out

You're what I want, not what I need
He's what I need
which is what I want..

And on that day
my Curiosity died.

I want somebody
who knows what sadness is
To sit next to me
on this less than solid ground

i don’t hear my name often
Like a trick of reality
is when somebody addresses me
Fade, ghost, do lose hope

Even late bloomers
Wilt

I drink and I drown
lose myself to my friend
who pretends to be Aphrodite
I indulge him
let him merry go round
my body without sober hands
pulling me like a kraken
till air is the separation between coherent thought
and consent
You are sleeping
in another town
Never dreaming
even of me
(we aren't together)
So i sleep with a friend
who doesn't want to be alone
who feels like a crop circle gone wrong
fooled by their own conspiracies
and i make myself small
hoping secrets sink like
Anchors

The dead sea is synonymous with me
Salty

I told you,
you'd forget me
Like that penny in the washer
On a Sunday afternoon
Or the dead bird
in brittle grass
with winter sun

The clothes are dry
The snow has melted
And memory fades as the seas turn to deserts
like the love you had for me

When an electrical outlet
Looks like an answer
How do you stop yourself from questioning?

The sky turned blue while
You were gone
I didn't think it was right

Can someone tap into my destiny
And tell me what I'm doing wrong?

You undress my thoughts in such a violating manner.

The clouds outside are like a pale suffix to your name

"Don't you think those shorts are too short for you?"
He says
He dictates my decisions
And like a puppet master
He forces his will inside my body
Hollows out my soul
To make room for his own desires
Carves out my humanity to make me a puppet
A play toy
An objectification
While still saying "I love you."

With broken wings
I feel so low
The blade a reminder
This is no nightmare, this is reality
And the only dreams I have anymore
are "Why am I still here?"
The escape is subtle

How I survived
The suffocating blanket of "no more"
Parachuting away from your curly hair
And hands that mimic: thief
When my body, is a no trespassing sign
And I finally respect that law

Too late, the walls are peeling
Insides decaying
A lost building
Not taken care of
When will the demolition begin?

Mother nature finds her decay
Caresses her vines around her broken frame
Pulling her down, but inward
Trying to rescue her from the enemy: man

She develops a fear
Her shyness morphed
Into distrust

She stumbles for a tomorrow
Watching for the spears of remembrance
That lurk
                                                In her reflection

The subtle tea of time and books
Help her
Physics and light shows
Burning glass and cloud towers
The amnesia dissipates
The hate remains
But behind so many walls
You find her

The man who speaks the language of my mind
With shaking fingers
And adamant statements that I'm not damaged goods
You place the straw back
In this scarecrow body
You find my heart

I forgot I had one in the first place
You adorn me with your smiles
Grace me with acceptance
And tell me "You look cute in those shorts."

#love   #suicide   #sad   #anger   #life   #heart   #pain

Liar, Liar
One I desire
Cast me in brimstone
Light me with fire

Second chances are
Self-impairing with a lance
Limbs and bones, dead hand of the past.
I am remnants.

You call the girl
You sit next to in class
"The weird girl with the glasses"

How dare you insult someone you do not know
How dare you call someone weird when you do not understand them
Who gave you a right to an opinion in the first place?
I think God made a mistake

Butterflies and pills
Broken window sills
You left me here
With the wind
If I jump
Is it a sin?

Girl with the red shoes
Why are your lips stained with blood
Could you not hold all that matter in
Were you emotions just overflowing?

Girl with the black jacket
Do you know how to smile?
Or take care of your skin
Your secrets are showing

Girl in the mirror
Have you forgotten who you are?
Your eyes seem dark, no light in them, do you take it on the chin?
Toeing the line of the building, with your body towing in line

The sky opens wide
Waiting to hold you
Girl with the red shoes

We met on 9/11
Not the same as when
But years later
You're my twin towers
And I should have known
We were gonna crash and burn

This home is full of people
But it feels so empty
The wind outside
Sounds like waves
Keeping me sane
While I wait for my Peace to return

You sit in sunshine
While nighttime caresses my lips
And sleepiness is a war keeping me
from your morning
You fit into tomorrow
While the past is a circle trying to be a square

I learned bravery when my first kiss
Was the one who used force
Who took advantage of my developing body
And turned my morals into mind rot
When my body became cavernous
With stalactites and stalagmites skewering me from the inside
And my heart poured out through a hole
Like soup
And you
Swallowed it whole

Post Script:

You devoured me on first sight
You saw my craving for knowledge
And my body as an advantage
You did not know this then

You gave up your current
For a new model
Gave me letters and flowers
And then trouble and hate
Pain and ‘no lipstick’ ohh wait that was the other guy
It matters not because you both fall into the same category
Mistake
Your strength could never match mine
Because I grew from my past
I learned from my flaws
I turned them into armor
While you turned them into excuses
You left me broken in other ways,
But not as broken as you’ve made yourself
You turned to drugs and alcohol
Looking for answers in acid
And lost your soul in the process
Not that you believed in one in the first place

You read me like a book that just falls open.

I don’t want to give you my emotional baggage.
I’m terrified of weighing others down with my pain
That maybe it’s just enough to submerge you in darkness
And you're so kind
And I should have chosen you
But I wanted to get to know you more
But America’s education system *****
And a barrier or roads and work and things that don't matter in the long run of this ohh so ephemeral existence
Kept a fate of past existence
From repeating itself
Like an Egyptian tomb never uncovered