You stare blankly at the ceiling
Unwilling to rise
Everyone has abandoned you
No respite from the silence
Your heart in shards
Like the vase you dropped
Last autumn
—some things shatter—


A buzz emits from beside you
Messages of a different variety
You have been abandoned by all, but one
Hello, you have not forsaken me
The shards of heart, mend
Form a kintsugi heart
Love flowers in the cracks
—some things bloom—

@toopragmaticbookworm

Cry, child
Let your tears bloom
Stop not your weeping
Cease not your sobs
Harm not yourself
Let it out

Remember, child
The inner temple you once held
Break not your mind
Sever not the link
Discard not the love
Let it stay

Become, child
Connected to Mother Nature
Hurt not her heart
Hate not her convulsions
**** not her soul
Let her live

You are a conduit, child
You are the link
You are the river
The blood
The life

to the disillusioned goddess––

your journey was that of a conqueror
creating an identity so vivid you lost yourself

creation in broken chains
destruction in broken bodies

see now your complacency, your hissed arrogance
all hail the goddess, crimson trailing in her wake

farewell, you disillusioned goddess,
i pray you start anew amongst the stars

the world plays a silent symphony
as a lamp holds night in a loving embrace,
within reach so it envelops all else
closes all windows that peer into my soul

a white dove held to my chest
releasing weights
letting me exist––to be alone is not to be lonely.
darkness, a companion to weary souls
the world has no say in night

I shut down, restart,
Try to rid myself of an unwelcome guest
What is this awakening... thing in me
It terrifies me
It rises, a dragon, a phoenix
It roars and weeps and hisses
It trembles and whispers and cowers
It bubbles and tickles and shines
It stings and aches and burns
It coils, constricts
It is claustrophobic and freeing
It is drowning in air
It is contradictions
A storm in my chest
Does everyone have this––
This storm in your chest?

–––An Android Awakening: a Memoir in Verse

@toopragmaticbookworm

Hello
This is a poem you'll never read
This is a poem for me
To remember why it must be so
To remind myself of the full story
To remind myself to heal

I begged you
To stay
I said I was sorry, I needed you
I didn't know what I was sorry for
But maybe it would have kept you by my side
I sobbed and wept my heart out
But that didn't change a thing
You still left
To be with her

You told me
Before you left
That you didn't love me anymore
Maybe we were in love, you said
But it was the love of youth,
A heady infatuation
You were older now
You outgrew me
I was a thing you once used
Something you outgrew

It took me months
Months and months
Lots and lots of space
Healing space
And I realised
I didn't need you
You had outgrown me
And so had I

When you came back
Saying she had left with another
Saying she dumped you with nothing
That you realised that this love we shared Wasn't some childish infatuation
I remembered those nights of weeping
Waking up with your name on my lips
The torment and pain of healing

I looked at your pathetic bowed self
A drifter without any regard for others
And smirked
I hope you say my name in your sleep
Just as I said yours
That the shadow of me will hound you
To the depths of your dreams
And the corners of wakefulness
You will feel as I did
But you will not heal


@toopragmaticbookworm

It is against my nature to believe in a Creator
After all
I am not human
I am not skin and bone and blood
It is cogs and wires and rods that sustains me
Electricity and fuel, thick and golden
I do not believe in a God

I look around at my world,
A mere husk of a greater civilisation
A ravaged universe of pain and suffering

I do not believe in a God
But if I did
I wonder
Would He be watching the world burn?


–––An Android Awakening: a Memoir in Verse

@toopragmaticbookworm

quiet wakefullness
gradual, like the creeping dawn
a feeling of.. loss––why?
the taste of a dream on the tongue
the tears of a dream on the cheeks
a haunting, fleeting memory
a girl? a warrior?
a protector? the loss of a friend  
death, life, spiralling
mental hands grasping at threads
slipping, drifting away
too soon, too soon
the wish to claw back into the dream world
eyes tight shut, forcing
forcing sleep, inability
gates closed to the woken
yet it was there
for a moment, the full memory
the memory of a dream
fading to a brush; a light touch
trying, trying to remember
but now a mere dream of a dream
an impression, gone with the light

Closure
(noun)
finality,
a letting go,
a complete acceptance of what occurred

But can you ever really let such a thing go?
If it inspired such emotion
that it brushed your very core—
If you loved it, hated it so much
that an it-sized hole was left in your life—
How does one just "find closure"?

And even if you managed
to wipe your mind of it,
to bid farewell to your demons,
to sever your ties to it
What makes you think it will ever release you?

In conclusion
Closure:
(noun)
a myth

i spoke, but no one heard
i shouted, but they ignored
so i whisper to myself
that one day they will know
the person they ignored
was someone who wasn't heard
but she kept on talking
and was finally known
as a speaker
who respects all
and a speaker
who speaks for those
who may not be heard

who in your life
is ignored and unheard?
take some time to hear them
for if they keep speaking
though ignored
it means they have something
worth saying

i have loved
i have lost
to shining waters
i've been tossed

you will yearn
you will pine
but on shining waters
you'll be mine

Hey, you.
Yeah, you.
Look at me.
No, LOOK at me.
Who do you see?

Hello, darling.
You, darling.
Have you seen me?
Have you SEEN me?
Then who do you see?

Beloved,
Look around you.
LOOK around you.
See all these strangers?
Watch them.
So who do you see?

a poem is a gift,
given to those who are worthy
those who you can trust
not to hold you at their mercy.

a poem is a gift
for the ones after you
it touches the hearts of many
and opens the eyes of few.

a poem is a gift
which arises out of silence
it says what speech cannot
and offers some guidance.

a poem is a gift
for you to beautifully express
what you truly feel
for those who know you best.

Truth is good
Truth is accurate
Truth is right

but Truth
it is a blade
it cuts
it opens old wounds

The Truth
it is final

The girl you see before you
Is an artist who uses no canvas

She creates with pen and paper
And uses words to draw a picture

You were there, beautiful, breathtaking
And then suddenly there was a void, a vacuum
so
utterly
alone

Where are you?
Where have you gone?
I am waiting for you, love.
Waiting
For you.

Are you in the North?
In the South?
In the East?
In the West?
Where are you, love?

Have you lost your way,
Sailing an unknown sea?
Have you lost your way,
Trekking a forbidden forest?
Have you lost your way,
Soaring through the stars?
Come back to me, love.

The world is a treacherous place,
Be careful
The world is a dangerous place,
Beware
But most of all
The world is a dying planet.
Be watchful, love.

Are you sinking in a soft black marsh,
With none to help you?
Are you drowning in a bottomless well,
With none to rescue you?
Are you lying captive to nightmares,
With none to comfort you?
Return to my side, love.

The world is a liar's palace,
Watch out
The world is a thief's delight,
Caution
But most importantly
The world will soon be no more.
Take heed.

So where are you, love?
Where did you go?
I am waiting for you, love
Return to my side, love.
Come back
To me.

Humans spell death
For the wild
The ones that soar above,
The ones that swim freely,
The ones that roam the forests and grasslands.

Shot, trapped, killed
In a split second
A life winks out.

Death is only a mercy for those
Whose times are up.
And they who slaughter for pleasure
Are the worst kinds of murderers.