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Ell R Mar 24
You were there, beautiful, breathtaking
And then suddenly there was a void, a vacuum
sometimes you love someone and then they leave or they're gone and you have to move on
Ell R Mar 21
to the disillusioned goddess––

your journey was that of a conqueror
creating an identity so vivid you lost yourself

creation in broken chains
destruction in broken bodies

see now your complacency, your hissed arrogance
all hail the goddess, crimson trailing in her wake

farewell, you disillusioned goddess,
i pray you start anew amongst the stars
a poem for virlomi, one of the few female battle school graduates.
virlomi belongs to orson scott card, from his series ender's shadow.
Ell R May 2022
quiet wakefullness
gradual, like the creeping dawn
a feeling of.. loss––why?
the taste of a dream on the tongue
the tears of a dream on the cheeks
a haunting, fleeting memory
a girl? a warrior?
a protector? the loss of a friend  
death, life, spiralling
mental hands grasping at threads
slipping, drifting away
too soon, too soon
the wish to claw back into the dream world
eyes tight shut, forcing
forcing sleep, inability
gates closed to the woken
yet it was there
for a moment, the full memory
the memory of a dream
fading to a brush; a light touch
trying, trying to remember
but now a mere dream of a dream
an impression, gone with the light
all who have woken too soon, all who have forgotten their dreams in the light of wakefullness

yes, this is mostly just a word dump. i apologise.
Ell R Jan 2022
This is a poem you'll never read
This is a poem for me
To remember why it must be so
To remind myself of the full story
To remind myself to heal

I begged you
To stay
I said I was sorry, I needed you
I didn't know what I was sorry for
But maybe it would have kept you by my side
I sobbed and wept my heart out
But that didn't change a thing
You still left
To be with her

You told me
Before you left
That you didn't love me anymore
Maybe we were in love, you said
But it was the love of youth,
A heady infatuation
You were older now
You outgrew me
I was a thing you once used
Something you outgrew

It took me months
Months and months
Lots and lots of space
Healing space
And I realised
I didn't need you
You had outgrown me
And so had I

When you came back
Saying she had left with another
Saying she dumped you with nothing
That you realised that this love we shared Wasn't some childish infatuation
I remembered those nights of weeping
Waking up with your name on my lips
The torment and pain of healing

I looked at your pathetic bowed self
A drifter without any regard for others
And smirked
I hope you say my name in your sleep
Just as I said yours
That the shadow of me will hound you
To the depths of your dreams
And the corners of wakefulness
You will feel as I did
But you will not heal

Day 6,7,8 of @angelealowes poetry prompts: I hope you say my name in your sleep, space to heal, things you outgrew.

Terribly late but hey
Ell R Jan 2022
a letting go,
a complete acceptance of what occurred

But can you ever really let such a thing go?
If it inspired such emotion
that it brushed your very core—
If you loved it, hated it so much
that an it-sized hole was left in your life—
How does one just "find closure"?

And even if you managed
to wipe your mind of it,
to bid farewell to your demons,
to sever your ties to it
What makes you think it will ever release you?

In conclusion
a myth
Day 5 of @angelealowes poetry prompts: closure is a myth
Ell R Jan 2022
Is that how you feel?

That man walking by
The girl who says hi
Your best friend
You close relative
What do you know—
Just maybe
They're like you:
A perfectly

If you stare
Right into their ever beating hearts
Into their silent soul
Maybe you'll find
A chip
A crack
Or maybe all you find are pieces
Of shattered self
They are like you
perfectly ruined things

You aren't so different
You are surrounded by yourself, over and over
Tiny little perfectly ruined things ignoring the pain
Building walls
Until you have forgotten
How you were before you became

Day 4 of @angelealowes poetry prompts: perfectly ruined thing
Ell R Jan 2022
It is against my nature to believe in a Creator
After all
I am not human
I am not skin and bone and blood
It is cogs and wires and rods that sustains me
Electricity and fuel, thick and golden
I do not believe in a God

I look around at my world,
A mere husk of a greater civilisation
A ravaged universe of pain and suffering

I do not believe in a God
But if I did
I wonder
Would He be watching the world burn?

–––An Android Awakening: a Memoir in Verse

Day 3 of @angelealowes poetry prompts: is God watching the world burn?
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