You know something's about to blow when you've been sleeping early for three straight nights.
Missing one dinner, you start killing all the lights.
All of a sudden its 2AM and you're doing things you shouldnt do.
Caged monster struggling to get out inside you
You start hating yourself more after that.
But hey, there's no one to talk to so who gives a crap.

that's the thing.
*We will never be a thing

you dont drive me crazy anymore.
you dont look as good as you look before.
you dont smell the way I want you anymore.
you stopped appearing in my dreams unlike before.

I start laughing again.
I start eating right again.
My beer number has gone down.
I started living right again now.

Thanks to what has been.
Cheers to what will be.
I still remember your face.
But you and me, both out of the race.

Lets face it.
Drunk me is braver talking
About bare you.

Cigarettes are cool.
They are the bad kids at school.
The friends your parents dont trust.
But they are the best companion when you just want the whole world to shut up.

Sorry, I thought losing you was the hardest part.
I walk around picking pieces of my broken heart.
Apparently seeing you live happily and bounce quickly is a bit irritating.
While I'm lying here writing about my rotten feelings and busy slowly dying.

something's aching.
bodies longing.
kisses we missin'.
nothing is fulfilling.

apart we're broken.
separated we died.
yesterday she cried.
this morning those tears already dried.

quite sure she's breathing.
pretty sure that heart is no longer beating.
she lives with the waves.
her life she watches in a haze.

I cant keep a rhyme.
You started slipping out of my mind.
All of a sudden I fight with myself.
The monsters that I kept for so long are slaying me at their best.
I know Im at my weakest.
Forgive me for keeping my self control at the lowest.
I realized, in life you have to pick your  stick.
You either drive hard while let life kick.
Or kick it while your down, with your body on the ground.
You were once my inspiration.
I used to fight and kick back while life takes it turns.
But when you left, the pain became unbearable.
I was crawling to the ground begging for help and affection.
Two years of that and I turn into a *******.
I havent felt pain, love nor joy.
Thanks to you Im as numb as a plastic toy.

You were playing with my hand and holding them.
Kissing it when I slightly turned my head.
I've never enjoyed so much walking.
And I badly wished those roads never end.

My heart will probably explode to so much joy and contentment here.
Your presence alone is suffocating me with gladness.
Your smell that I've always liked lingered.
My arms intertwined with yours is where I think they should stay.

I can do this for a lifetime.

Loving wont be so hard if this was this easy.
Life won't be a pain if you were always with me.
I can conquer all things with you next to me.

I just wish work wont get in the way.
And this alarm won't buzz
today.
Because I've never dreamt this good before.
I close my eyes and hope to see you once more.

May mali sa nangyayare sa buhay ko.

Bakit nagiisa lang ako?
Tama ba tong ginagawa ko?

Ginagawa kong dahilan yung pagkawala mo.

Ganito ba dapat ang maramdaman ko?
Para akong matutuluyan sa kahibangan ko.
Isang pitik pa, isang kanta, isang malupit na alala.
Kung matitimbang lang ang luha, siguro aabot na yung akin sa tonelada.
Nakakatawa. Wala atang makakatapat sa narating nating dalawa.


Hindi ko gusto tong estado na to.


Ayokong kalimutan lahat ng masayang alaala.


Sa lahat ng pagkakataon na namuhay ako magisa.
Para sa lahat ng sama ng loob na sumabog at di ko natantya.
Sa lahat ng gawain mo na anlakas magpaasa.
Yung ngiti **** tagilid pero nadadale pa din ako.
Yung balbas mo na ambilis tumubo.
Sa dalawang pusa na palagi **** alaga.
Nung mga oras na kailangan ko ng kasama tapos di ka nawala.
Sa katangahan at kababawan ko na naniniwala na nandyan ka pa.
Para sa lahat ng sakit na kailangan ko daanan mag isa.
Lahat ng dating tropa na di na nakakakilala.
Nakataas ang kamao ko pero nakaangat yung daliri sa gitna.


Minsan ang sarap mawalan ng pakialam, ng pakiramdam.
Yung mamuhay na parang dumaan ka lang.
Ang sakit magmahal tapos sasaktan ka lang.
Ang sakit magmahal tapos iiwan ka lang.

Di ako galit sayo.
Di kita papa salvage sa kanto.
Di ko ipagkakalat kung san kiliti mo.
Gusto ko lang mabawasan yung sakit na nararamdaman ko.
Kasi isang taon na, ikaw pa rin laman ng poetry page ko.

Sana isang beses makita ko na lang na masaya na tayo pareho.
Yung tipong pag naalala kita, nakangiti ako nagkekwento.
Ang hirap nga pala talagang kalimutan.
Yung minsan may taong kumilala sayo bukod sa sarili **** magulang.

Ang hirap umasa na may dadating pang iba.
Ang sakit na kasi nung minsang binigay mo yung puso mo sa kanya pero iniwan ka din nya.
Kanya kanyang dahilan, kanya kanyang pinaglalaban.
Kung di din naman tayo magkasama sa huli bakit kailangan pa natin pagusapan.
Nalulungkot ako, di ko itatanggi.
Pakiiwasan mo na lang mag post na masaya ka palagi.
Matagal pa siguro to maghihilom.
Nakakaawa yung susunod kasi naka kandado na yung puso kong mamon.
Yun ay kung meron pang susunod.

You are up to something eternal while I dream of getting wasted every time I see you in my peripheral.

You shake lives by following God's call. Me? A day at work occupies my soul.

You are loved by everybody.
Even my friends hate me.

I see you and I can tell your future is set. I worry everyday for what tomorrow may bring ahead.

Everyday I wish for a chance to see you.
Every night I pray that my dreams will be filled of you.


Am I too crazy for looking at you that much?
On the inside I just want to get to know you and feel your touch.

But no matter how I try to look at it, we will never fit.

The world has judged and so did you.
And the truth is, I will never be good enough for you.

When beer is a better companion than five missing old friends.

She's so fragile, it's tragic.
He's generally nice yet she fell for it like magic.

Guy acting kind.
Her thoughts running wild.

She's so fragile, she thinks it's reality.
Now she doesn't even know she's living in fantasy.

Her heart is so broken that a single act of kindness sends her falling.
She's so fragile,* **it's tragic.

Happiness is rest on a rainy day.
Happiness is shade on a sunny day at the beach.
Happiness is going home early and there's no traffic.
Happiness is catching up on missed movies.
Happiness is different shades of light.
Happiness is wine and beer at night.
Happiness is a warm hand to hold.
Happiness is having someone by your side to grow old.
Happiness is being happy alone.
Happiness is growing on your own.

Babe, I still got me some commitment issues.
However, it would be nice seeing us create some juicy news.
I'd like to hold your hands under the table.
Kiss you on the cheek when no one is looking.
Watch endless movies and end it with kissing.
I wanna make out with you on the couch.
**** I would **** to hold your hands while walking at the park.
Let's stay up very late in a coffee shop just staring and talking to each other until the owners kick our butts.
I wanna dance with you under the rain.
I would want to be the one that kills your pain.

Still my strength is not enough.

Let's not label this while we still can.
Enjoy this while we still can.
Don't end this for me my Love.

Maybe one day what I feel will be strong enough for both of us.
But now, let's be friends and lovers.
Happy and satisfied with what we have.

The thought of seeing you made me happy
*genuinely happy

Tonight my body is fueled with alcohol.
I'd play with you as if you were a ball.
My thoughts with this lie is kind of rough.
And how I wish I come out of this a little bit more tough.

But what I'm getting at is more of the lie.
And so every day I choose to die.
Die and forget what was once we had.
Sleep and regret the things that turned out bad.

Look forward to a brighter day.
And wish that tomorrow will not be a hang over kind of day.

do i go on leaving what's behind.
when you still slip my mind sometimes.
his hand is warm enough to melt my heart.
thing is, there's been a hole from the start.
i've never been cared for this way,
maybe i really missed the times when I just insist on doing things my own way.
being a go-getter sure do has it's ups and downs.
i think right now im going through the list that make him frown.
i'm a mess from the beginning.
that's what solidified our understanding.
he's into my mess.
he's always given me his best.
i knew he's into me the way I was to you.
i catch him looking the way I do when I see you.
putting these notes on fire and then i'll put myself out there hanging thin on a wire.

Okay, now we start fixing.

How long O grief
How long

Nothing is ever good enough
Nothing comes easy

I'm not sure how long I can still bear this season.

He said life is not all about falling in love.
I said maybe in response.

To say you are okay is a total understatement.
When you are living in solitary confinement.
Is this really how it should feel?
Empty.
Hallow.
And just going through the reel?

But being alone does not automatically meant depression.
Sometimes it just appears the same when you've been through it for the longest season.

I like you and I think I was quite clear about it.
Either you're too bright or too numb that all this time you've ignored it.
I was like a dog chasing after a ball.
Oh right I remember, I literally chased you one Christmas down that hall.

You're way too good looking to be mine.
But every time we talked, I knew no girl can level with you the way I can.
Dude, I'm so proud that you are now following your call.
I on the other hand think am going down straight for that fall.

Your success is my happiness my Love.
But right now let me deal with my sadness while we each achieve success on our time apart.

I ride that never ending wave.
Seek for that once in a life time swell.
Surf like the shore ain't coming ahead.
And crash, drowned in an ocean full of spell.

You came to me like a storm.
That's how I know this love is just a metaphor.

You have got to be the saddest best thing that has happened to me.

And there, she kept knocking.
Friends she kept chasing.
Love she's always hoping.

Embrace that she dyingly longs for.
Never came in and return the favor.

Her sadness is her earring.
Her feelings she kept on burying.

One day she'll burst out.
To the wrong person.
At an untimely moment.

Here's my thought, being alone is
a humbling experience.

Everyday her pain is becoming worst.
It's a rolling avalanche, one day ready to explode.
Yet she smiles and choose to live her life.
Forgetting how things beat the **** out of her heart with a pipe.
Still she choose to hope that someday someone will come by with a good playlist at hand.
Music blasting, words that sound promising, filling the hole in her once whole heart.

I do crazy things all day
and at night I wish the cold shower will change my ways.

I am so **** patched up on the inside.
Getting through the dailies aint really that easy.

So I run.

I run and throw the crazies beside the roads.
I run until I gasp for breath and feel alive for five seconds.

Tonight I learned a great lesson and dealt with the pain.*

The thing is this:
Be true, love and respect yourself.
Because at the end of every day, people will be people.
No one will give a **** about what you're going through.
And that it will always be you who's always left hanging at the queue.

How do you go on living.
When I'm out here daily, dying.

I always pick up where you left me.
I always pretend I am happy.

How can you live your life knowing your half is not?
How can you sleep at night when your half nightly sobs.

How do you smile at girls and make them fall?
When the last time I fell, you were the last person to see me crawl.

I'm so sick of living this lie.
None of my friends are left to see me while I slowly die.

I kid myself everyday.

I try to love anyway.

I look for you everywhere.

I'd die to run my fingers on your hair again.

I forget you most of the time.

But when there's something new in my life that I want to share, I always turn around.
And though I am very much aware.
Every time, I still hope that you are standing there.

I should've smiled at you.
I'm not sure where that will take us though.
The fact that your stare lingered is warming enough.
But right now looking away is the most feasible option for my ailing heart.

My jealousy will be the end of me.

To see someone get close to you is nearly killing me.
To not have you is easy.
For her to get you is reality.

I'm jealous for no reason.
Angry without intention.
My mood swings are reserved for my self satisfaction.
To satisfy my aching heart longing for an undivided attention.

My heart can only hold so much pain.
When a new thing comes rushing, my instant response is to give in while holding everything.
I am always afraid of being hurt again.
I can never let myself suffer again.
When a new thing comes in, I might give in.
I might check it out.
I might give my everything.
I might be destroyed for this insatiable thirst of being felt needed again.
But I need to know how down you are with what's going.
I'll pay whatever just to see me smile again.
I'll pay whatever to see me happy again.
I'll pay the ultimate price if that's what it takes to make this dead heart beat again.
My heart can only hold so much pain.
So please if you will go, get your foot on the door.

It will always be sad seeing yourself going through things alone.

First, fill up with water the empty cup.
Love yourself and take a little bit more nap.

Get some coffee and a bit of sugar too.
Reach out to friends and family whom you have unknowingly told to "shoo!"

Mix some creamer if you like.
Maybe a little milk will make the bitter coffee hide.
Take a stranger or a friend a bit serously.
Who know's their intentions might vary differently.

Serve while hot and enjoy.
Take time and realize that Love is not a toy.

the bright sun shines.
the hope that clears minds.
i love how His light clears all things dark.
how us as a people look forward to a future that never clings to the past.

I missed the old hippie that always gives high fives to everybody.
The kid that always hangs out for free coffee.
The geek that reads books in bookshops until closing.
The dreamer that never stopped dreaming.
The artist that never stopped at life no matter what **** comes in.
Today I missed the old self that I was once in.