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287 · Aug 2017
City Lights
Mister J Aug 2017
Cool winds blew from the Northeast,
My thoughts drifted into the starry night;
The howling breeze echoed in my ears,
My eyes wandered towards the city lights.

The midnight horizon left me breathless,
The ivory moon reigned supreme in the sky;
But amidst all the beauty I'm encircled with,
Only your warm smile kept my spirits high.

By the concrete walls we sat together,
Discussing our problems with some hot chocolate;
the cool blows of air whispered a love song,
Nature herself setting the mood, or was it Fate?

Stars illuminated the dark, endless night sky,
But your eyes glistened brighter than any of them;
I'd rather give up everything I have in my life,
to eternally gaze upon these soul-piercing gems.

Your warm embrace made my heartbeat wild,
As I stared at your lips my chest thumped even wilder;
Your fragrant hair danced with the gentle breeze,
God, I prayed that the night would extend longer.

Your soft whispers resounded in my mind,
The sight of your face made my heart melt;
The sound of your voice echoed deeply in my thoughts,
Is this Love? this strange, complicated emotion I've felt?

You affect me greatly as if by magic,
Just you around makes me feels as if I'm in paradise;
From the abyss of depression I rose up again,
When I'm with you gone goes my doubts and sighs.

What is this feeling that lingers in me?
So many questions caught my attention frequently;
You're the only one who can help me answer them,
but I have to hide these feelings from you, sadly.

The darkness passed by and the morning sun came out,
Our friendship stayed strong even after that cold night;
But I've always hoped your feelings would change,
just like a new day where the eastern sun shines bright.

Before I put my writing to a halt,
I want you to know that I will always love you;
as a friend or as a lover I'll be with you,
to the end of time I'll always be beside you.

A common proverb says "Patience is a virtue",
Well if this is true then I'll be waiting for you;
Be it long or be it quick, I don't and won't ever mind,
If you're God's best then I'll always want you.
Old poem from 2012. :)
286 · Sep 2017
Imagine
Mister J Sep 2017
You are a heartstopper
My heart in a cardiac arrest
Whenever you look at me

You are a breathtaker
My lungs gasping for air
Whenever you breathe near me

You are an anxiety
My attacks keep getting worse
Whenever you smile playfully

You are a disease
My body feels weaker
Whenever you touch me

You are a morning calm
My mind feels at ease
Whenever you appear before me

You are the wind
My hands can't feel or grasp
Whenever I try to catch you

You are a dream
A whispering spectre
Whenever I imagine you and me

You are a wish
Something that my heart wants badly
I hope our story becomes a reality
282 · Sep 2017
Springtime
Mister J Sep 2017
Cherry blossoms fall
Drifting towards my cold heart
Melting my sorrows
Haiku #2
281 · Sep 2017
Journey
Mister J Sep 2017
Life is a journey
And the greatest mystery
Is how you found me
Haiku #10
278 · Jul 2019
Circles
Mister J Jul 2019
Lingering questions on my mind
Like pests circling around my head
An open heart wanting to understand
A rushed yet unrelenting answer

Since when does falling in love
Giving everything you have
Become an unbearable burden
For the people you simply want to love?

Is my heart that frightening?
Why do I keep running around
The same, tiring and old cycle?
Give me a break, will you please?

I just needed someone to return
The love I wanted to give out
When did my actions of caring
Make me a villain in your eyes?

I don't need your full commitment
I simply wanted a chance with you
A chance to earn your time and attention
A small portion of your day is what I demand

And yet, why does no one ever stay?
How long do I have to keep this up?
Running around in endless circles
Only to end up broken and trashed

When will this heart give up?
When the tears from my eyes run dry?
Or my body can no longer feel pain?
Until when can I endure this endless cycle?

I'm almost done
Almost there
Don't test me
Loosing my patience here
277 · Sep 2017
Rain
Mister J Sep 2017
Rain drops at nighttime
Bring calm to my weary soul
Come cleanse me tonight
Its raining outside tonight. :)
270 · Sep 2017
Regardless
Mister J Sep 2017
Whatever I do
I can't help but fall in love
With your broken heart
Haiku # 7
261 · Aug 2017
Years
Mister J Aug 2017
Amidst the night I walk into the streets,
The chilling wind howls from the bayside;
Pedestrians crowded with people going home,
Moonlit waters illuminated what the dark hide

I sat alone on the dockyard pier,
my mind wandering into the vast abyss;
as the waves come crashing to the beach,
so does my questions and their answers kiss

A wicked smile runs across my face,
as if something fun will nearly occur;
Then my thoughts drift onto the ocean,
vanishing with the waves as if they were lured

My life had been full of tears and cries,
Smiles were seldom, Laughs were really rare;
but they always say that Life is a big wheel,
Once you're down, then you're up, and God cares

As the cold wind continued to plague me,
A warm hand touches the back of my head;
I turned around only to see the woman I love,
The one companion He gave me, she I had wed

With a kiss she greeted my wrinkled cheeks,
her hair, grayed with age, danced with the wind;
even as her years passed by, she still looked fair,
the most valuable treasure in the world I could find

Our love never changed as our years went by,
the passion in our eyes glowed brighter than ever;
I was born to grow old with this woman beside me,
to be with her, and hold her in my arms, forever

We walked home together in that cold winter night,
holding each other's hands like our teenage years;
before we opened the doors I looked at her sincerely,
I thanked her for the love, and crushing all my fears

True love will endure all the years to come,
the fiery passion unchanged even for a thousand lifetimes;
because when God gave man the right to love a woman,
it transcends the boundaries of the very fabric of time
2nd old poem for today, probably the last. Thanks
260 · Feb 2018
Trigger
Mister J Feb 2018
I pulled it..

I pulled the trigger
Of the gun pointed at my head
The bullet racing each millisecond
To blow my brain to smithereens
With my whole life flashing before
My bloodshot, insane eyes
Reliving each moment of this
****** up excuse of a life

There it was
That stinging depression
That started small
And grew in my weary heart
Slowly eating me each day
Growing darker and more sinister
As each problem came
Tearing my sanity away

Leading me to this very moment
Where I choose to run away
And leave this mediocre life
To rot and decay on its own
To be finally in peace
So that all that loneliness
Won't ever touch my heart
And will be free from my soul

And yet..

I began to remember the love
My family and friends gave me
How they stayed by my side
Never abandoning me
As I was loosing hope
They held on to me
Tried to keep me sane
Supporting me through it all

How cowardly of me
To suddenly let them go
To throw away this one and only
Life given and lived by me
But I guess its for the best
I guess its time to rest
I'll never see them again
They'll just forget me anyway

..Will they?

The happy moments came flashing by
The many times I genuinely smiled
Truly laughed and felt at ease
Those moments sweet to cherish
Was I this happy before?
Before everything else came crumbling?
Before I succumbed to the voices in my head?
Before I ended up at this very moment?

I don't want this..

Last moments of feeling the regret
I don't want to end this life
I just wanted to regain the happiness
The happiness taken and removed
By this consuming condition
This unforgiving depression
That ills my every cell
And has now completely taken all of me

I could've just lived my life
But no, I took it on my own
In any moment now I'll leave this world
Never to be seen again
No more new opportunities
To better my life and move on
To fight this psychological battle
That has taken hold of my entirety

And then it hit me..

I DIDN'T WANT TO DIE!
I DIDN'T WANT TO **** MYSELF
HOW DID I END UP IN THIS SITUATION?!
SOMEONE SAVE ME!
ITS COMING FOR ME!
THE SMELL OF GUNPOWDER ENTERING MY NOSTRILS
IT SCARES ME!
****! WHAT DO I DO?!
THE BULLET NEARING MY SKULL
I CAN HEAR IT CLOSING IN!
SAVE ME PLEASE!
I DON'T WANT TO DIE YET!
I WANNA LIVE!!

The pain stings..

My head feels light
My consciousness fleeting
As I fall to the ground
I could see the massive bleeding
I can't hear a thing
The silence is deafening
My vision went black
And then everything just went
Blank

...

..I shouldn't have pulled it
Serious piece here
Its kind of a suicidal piece
For those battling depression
Don't loose hope
Someone will listen
You just have to ask. Okay?

Thanks for reading.
255 · Sep 2017
Marks
Mister J Sep 2017
Even when we're done
No matter where we are now
Your marks are on me
Haiku #8
248 · Oct 2017
Speak up!
Mister J Oct 2017
Tell me what you want
Whisper them in my ears, dear
I'll listen to you
244 · Sep 2017
North Star
Mister J Sep 2017
To you I will go
The only direction that
my longing heart knows
242 · Sep 2017
Freedom
Mister J Sep 2017
The winds blow gently
On my cheeks they kissed sweetly
I yearn to be free
Haiku #1
241 · Oct 2017
Rains
Mister J Oct 2017
The heavens cry lots
Raindrops falling heavily
Washing off my tears
235 · Aug 2017
Good Night
Mister J Aug 2017
Anxiety plagues me
I can't seem to sleep properly
My mind stays awake
Even as my eyes are closed
Heart rate is pulsing up
Breathing becomes heavy
Am I drowning in the darkness?

Please don't say good night
Please keep me from dreaming
If I can only see you in my dreams
I don't want to wake up anymore
But the reality of us being apart
Drives me so insane that
I'd rather stay awake

You are the calm of my storms
You are the breath in my lungs
You are the dreams of my heart
You are the reality that I want
You are the good in my night
You are the best of my day
You complete me
Late night thoughts.  Hello guys. :)
225 · Sep 2017
Melody
Mister J Sep 2017
The soft wind breezing
Whispering songs in my ears
Sounds sweet to my heart
209 · Aug 2017
Nostalgia
Mister J Aug 2017
Lying awake three hours past midnight
As my thoughts scramble in the cool wind
Nostalgic memories of love come to light
Bringing warmth to my weary heart and mind

Thoughts of you come flooding like a river
Overflowing with all the love that we shared
Young I was when you caught my attention
Young you were when I gave you my life

I still remember the warmth of your hand
And how happy it feels when it touches mine
The way you looked at me with those small eyes
Immersing me in the deep abyss of your thoughts

The very first kiss that we shared still lingers
I can still feel my heart throbbing like it did
And when you said how much you loved me
I couldn’t help it but smile as if I’m crazy

I loved you with all I have and all I gave
You loved me as passionate as you could be
I guess it was just time for us to grow apart
When all that romance made us stubborn in life

The feelings we shared stayed within me
Even when you went away they’re chained on me
And even if you now stay in the arms of another
My love for you exists, even if I freely gave you away

This weary heart is getting older each day
Not knowing if it will be able to love as it did
As much as I want to love like I’m young again
This heart only opens up to the one it loved first

If only it could go back to the way it was
A young heart that could give love so passionately
A heart that is never cold and always forgiving
Then I guess this lonely existence could be upturned

This old heart wants to love like the first time
When its innocence was whole and intentions pure
If only I could turn back the clock, go back in time
I would regain all that happiness, of that I’m sure
209 · Aug 2017
Untitled
Mister J Aug 2017
In this fast-paced race called Life
Where people come and go quickly
Searching for happiness amidst all strife
Only to be eaten alive by a harsh reality

A new chapter awaits this young lad
Seeking only to find his place in the world
Prepared to give everything he ever had
Just to have his voice heard ‘round the world

He dreams of greatness to be earned
Harsh years he endured proved to help
All the failures from which he learned
Building up that grandiose life for himself

The music he yearned to resonate in his heart
The songs about pocket of smiles one seeks
Scattered in the twists of this one complex art
This uncertainty called Life and its enigmatic tricks

Strong in resolve we all sought to secure
To leave an imprint among those that live here
This untitled song that we all need to endure
This uniqueness called Life only we can hear

He has yet to find security in this uncertainty
Be it love or contentment he still yearns for them
Hope is fleeting but the heart remains sturdy
Someday he’ll leave footprints, rule his own realm

Today the journey remains to be taken
With small steps we walk towards our destinies
With hope in our hearts our resolve strengthened
Facing the realities of Life, facing and fighting uncertainties

In this untitled life that we hope to write ourselves
How will you chronicle your own journeys?
How will we be remembered in the library shelves?
What will we leave behind, our lasting legacies?
Another old piece
202 · Sep 2017
Longing
Mister J Sep 2017
The lonely heart sings
It seeks to be where you are
To be by your side
Haiku #6
197 · Sep 2017
Insomnia
Mister J Sep 2017
I can't sleep tonight
Thoughts running wild in my mind
They don't want to stop
Haiku #3
187 · Sep 2017
Breathe
Mister J Sep 2017
Sometimes I just can't
take the pressure
Sometimes I just don't
Know what I should do
Sometimes I can't identify
Who am I supposed to be
Sometimes I just need
A time out to think

As much as I want to
Run away from all of this
I can't just give in
I still need to find you

I just need to breathe
inhale some fresh air
Take a break and assess
What happens next
So wait for me
As I think of a way
To get away from here
And come get you
To take you in my arms
And bring you to
Our share of paradise
Just some jumbled words in my mind that I needed to put somewhere.
:)

— The End —