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259 · Sep 2017
Rain
Mister J Sep 2017
Rain drops at nighttime
Bring calm to my weary soul
Come cleanse me tonight
Its raining outside tonight. :)
259 · May 2020
5:04am
Mister J May 2020
Another sleepless night
My mind feels restless
My heart in confusion
What am I gonna do?

Would these worries go away?
As I learn and grow with age?
Should I just choose death
Rather than loving the undeserving?

I guess I don't have the answers today
Maybe tomorrow will shed some light
To these worries in my young life
I'll open my doors when the need arises

This paranoia is damning
I've had enough
Maybe a dream will do for now
And face the real thing tomorrow

After I go to sleep..
Inspired by my conversations with Saumya
Thank you for that!
Hope you all like this. 😁

-J
256 · Sep 2017
Regardless
Mister J Sep 2017
Whatever I do
I can't help but fall in love
With your broken heart
Haiku # 7
255 · Sep 2017
Imagine
Mister J Sep 2017
You are a heartstopper
My heart in a cardiac arrest
Whenever you look at me

You are a breathtaker
My lungs gasping for air
Whenever you breathe near me

You are an anxiety
My attacks keep getting worse
Whenever you smile playfully

You are a disease
My body feels weaker
Whenever you touch me

You are a morning calm
My mind feels at ease
Whenever you appear before me

You are the wind
My hands can't feel or grasp
Whenever I try to catch you

You are a dream
A whispering spectre
Whenever I imagine you and me

You are a wish
Something that my heart wants badly
I hope our story becomes a reality
242 · Sep 2017
Apology
Mister J Sep 2017
The crystal moon glowed bright that night
The sky dotted with glistening starlight
The clouds drifting with the gentle wind
The rivers flowing in a symphonic stream

The forest trees looked strong and mighty
Towering all over the the mountain skyline
Yet in the cool breeze they seem to whisper
To soothe the ailing of a broken heart

She was alone, left cold and in the dark
Her quiet sobbing rings across the abyss
It seems every thing and being hears her pleas
Everyone except those who fell deaf, except me

Her tears were bursting like a raging river
Flowing with every frustration she endured
Her heart, once filled up by love for me
Swollen and bursting with all her angst

There I was, standing frozen like a glacier
My heart beating crazy, my mind going blank
That broken heart was on my bloodied hands
That broken smile caused by my poisonous lies

She, who found me at the times of my best
She, who stayed even when I was at my worst
She, who loved me all throughout my changing whims
And yet here I am, choosing to break her heart.

My only desire was to gain some worth
Setting aside what mattered to me most
I was stupid enough to cling to the temporary
as I pushed aside what was to be for a lifetime

So here I am standing in front of you
Choking on the pride I held for so long
Digging deeply within to find the courage to say
I'm sorry, I love you, please give me another way

Banish me from your heart if that is your price
Free yourself from my memories, both good and bad
But please hear me out, hear my humbled cries
Another chance is all I ask from you, don't say goodbye
Another Midnight post. :)
238 · Sep 2017
Marks
Mister J Sep 2017
Even when we're done
No matter where we are now
Your marks are on me
Haiku #8
235 · Jul 2019
Circles
Mister J Jul 2019
Lingering questions on my mind
Like pests circling around my head
An open heart wanting to understand
A rushed yet unrelenting answer

Since when does falling in love
Giving everything you have
Become an unbearable burden
For the people you simply want to love?

Is my heart that frightening?
Why do I keep running around
The same, tiring and old cycle?
Give me a break, will you please?

I just needed someone to return
The love I wanted to give out
When did my actions of caring
Make me a villain in your eyes?

I don't need your full commitment
I simply wanted a chance with you
A chance to earn your time and attention
A small portion of your day is what I demand

And yet, why does no one ever stay?
How long do I have to keep this up?
Running around in endless circles
Only to end up broken and trashed

When will this heart give up?
When the tears from my eyes run dry?
Or my body can no longer feel pain?
Until when can I endure this endless cycle?

I'm almost done
Almost there
Don't test me
Loosing my patience here
231 · Sep 2017
Freedom
Mister J Sep 2017
The winds blow gently
On my cheeks they kissed sweetly
I yearn to be free
Haiku #1
230 · Oct 2017
Rains
Mister J Oct 2017
The heavens cry lots
Raindrops falling heavily
Washing off my tears
230 · Feb 2018
Trigger
Mister J Feb 2018
I pulled it..

I pulled the trigger
Of the gun pointed at my head
The bullet racing each millisecond
To blow my brain to smithereens
With my whole life flashing before
My bloodshot, insane eyes
Reliving each moment of this
****** up excuse of a life

There it was
That stinging depression
That started small
And grew in my weary heart
Slowly eating me each day
Growing darker and more sinister
As each problem came
Tearing my sanity away

Leading me to this very moment
Where I choose to run away
And leave this mediocre life
To rot and decay on its own
To be finally in peace
So that all that loneliness
Won't ever touch my heart
And will be free from my soul

And yet..

I began to remember the love
My family and friends gave me
How they stayed by my side
Never abandoning me
As I was loosing hope
They held on to me
Tried to keep me sane
Supporting me through it all

How cowardly of me
To suddenly let them go
To throw away this one and only
Life given and lived by me
But I guess its for the best
I guess its time to rest
I'll never see them again
They'll just forget me anyway

..Will they?

The happy moments came flashing by
The many times I genuinely smiled
Truly laughed and felt at ease
Those moments sweet to cherish
Was I this happy before?
Before everything else came crumbling?
Before I succumbed to the voices in my head?
Before I ended up at this very moment?

I don't want this..

Last moments of feeling the regret
I don't want to end this life
I just wanted to regain the happiness
The happiness taken and removed
By this consuming condition
This unforgiving depression
That ills my every cell
And has now completely taken all of me

I could've just lived my life
But no, I took it on my own
In any moment now I'll leave this world
Never to be seen again
No more new opportunities
To better my life and move on
To fight this psychological battle
That has taken hold of my entirety

And then it hit me..

I DIDN'T WANT TO DIE!
I DIDN'T WANT TO **** MYSELF
HOW DID I END UP IN THIS SITUATION?!
SOMEONE SAVE ME!
ITS COMING FOR ME!
THE SMELL OF GUNPOWDER ENTERING MY NOSTRILS
IT SCARES ME!
****! WHAT DO I DO?!
THE BULLET NEARING MY SKULL
I CAN HEAR IT CLOSING IN!
SAVE ME PLEASE!
I DON'T WANT TO DIE YET!
I WANNA LIVE!!

The pain stings..

My head feels light
My consciousness fleeting
As I fall to the ground
I could see the massive bleeding
I can't hear a thing
The silence is deafening
My vision went black
And then everything just went
Blank

...

..I shouldn't have pulled it
Serious piece here
Its kind of a suicidal piece
For those battling depression
Don't loose hope
Someone will listen
You just have to ask. Okay?

Thanks for reading.
229 · Sep 2017
North Star
Mister J Sep 2017
To you I will go
The only direction that
my longing heart knows
227 · Oct 2017
Speak up!
Mister J Oct 2017
Tell me what you want
Whisper them in my ears, dear
I'll listen to you
224 · Aug 2017
Good Night
Mister J Aug 2017
Anxiety plagues me
I can't seem to sleep properly
My mind stays awake
Even as my eyes are closed
Heart rate is pulsing up
Breathing becomes heavy
Am I drowning in the darkness?

Please don't say good night
Please keep me from dreaming
If I can only see you in my dreams
I don't want to wake up anymore
But the reality of us being apart
Drives me so insane that
I'd rather stay awake

You are the calm of my storms
You are the breath in my lungs
You are the dreams of my heart
You are the reality that I want
You are the good in my night
You are the best of my day
You complete me
Late night thoughts.  Hello guys. :)
220 · Aug 2017
Years
Mister J Aug 2017
Amidst the night I walk into the streets,
The chilling wind howls from the bayside;
Pedestrians crowded with people going home,
Moonlit waters illuminated what the dark hide

I sat alone on the dockyard pier,
my mind wandering into the vast abyss;
as the waves come crashing to the beach,
so does my questions and their answers kiss

A wicked smile runs across my face,
as if something fun will nearly occur;
Then my thoughts drift onto the ocean,
vanishing with the waves as if they were lured

My life had been full of tears and cries,
Smiles were seldom, Laughs were really rare;
but they always say that Life is a big wheel,
Once you're down, then you're up, and God cares

As the cold wind continued to plague me,
A warm hand touches the back of my head;
I turned around only to see the woman I love,
The one companion He gave me, she I had wed

With a kiss she greeted my wrinkled cheeks,
her hair, grayed with age, danced with the wind;
even as her years passed by, she still looked fair,
the most valuable treasure in the world I could find

Our love never changed as our years went by,
the passion in our eyes glowed brighter than ever;
I was born to grow old with this woman beside me,
to be with her, and hold her in my arms, forever

We walked home together in that cold winter night,
holding each other's hands like our teenage years;
before we opened the doors I looked at her sincerely,
I thanked her for the love, and crushing all my fears

True love will endure all the years to come,
the fiery passion unchanged even for a thousand lifetimes;
because when God gave man the right to love a woman,
it transcends the boundaries of the very fabric of time
2nd old poem for today, probably the last. Thanks
199 · Sep 2017
Melody
Mister J Sep 2017
The soft wind breezing
Whispering songs in my ears
Sounds sweet to my heart
196 · Aug 2017
Nostalgia
Mister J Aug 2017
Lying awake three hours past midnight
As my thoughts scramble in the cool wind
Nostalgic memories of love come to light
Bringing warmth to my weary heart and mind

Thoughts of you come flooding like a river
Overflowing with all the love that we shared
Young I was when you caught my attention
Young you were when I gave you my life

I still remember the warmth of your hand
And how happy it feels when it touches mine
The way you looked at me with those small eyes
Immersing me in the deep abyss of your thoughts

The very first kiss that we shared still lingers
I can still feel my heart throbbing like it did
And when you said how much you loved me
I couldn’t help it but smile as if I’m crazy

I loved you with all I have and all I gave
You loved me as passionate as you could be
I guess it was just time for us to grow apart
When all that romance made us stubborn in life

The feelings we shared stayed within me
Even when you went away they’re chained on me
And even if you now stay in the arms of another
My love for you exists, even if I freely gave you away

This weary heart is getting older each day
Not knowing if it will be able to love as it did
As much as I want to love like I’m young again
This heart only opens up to the one it loved first

If only it could go back to the way it was
A young heart that could give love so passionately
A heart that is never cold and always forgiving
Then I guess this lonely existence could be upturned

This old heart wants to love like the first time
When its innocence was whole and intentions pure
If only I could turn back the clock, go back in time
I would regain all that happiness, of that I’m sure
195 · Aug 2017
Untitled
Mister J Aug 2017
In this fast-paced race called Life
Where people come and go quickly
Searching for happiness amidst all strife
Only to be eaten alive by a harsh reality

A new chapter awaits this young lad
Seeking only to find his place in the world
Prepared to give everything he ever had
Just to have his voice heard ‘round the world

He dreams of greatness to be earned
Harsh years he endured proved to help
All the failures from which he learned
Building up that grandiose life for himself

The music he yearned to resonate in his heart
The songs about pocket of smiles one seeks
Scattered in the twists of this one complex art
This uncertainty called Life and its enigmatic tricks

Strong in resolve we all sought to secure
To leave an imprint among those that live here
This untitled song that we all need to endure
This uniqueness called Life only we can hear

He has yet to find security in this uncertainty
Be it love or contentment he still yearns for them
Hope is fleeting but the heart remains sturdy
Someday he’ll leave footprints, rule his own realm

Today the journey remains to be taken
With small steps we walk towards our destinies
With hope in our hearts our resolve strengthened
Facing the realities of Life, facing and fighting uncertainties

In this untitled life that we hope to write ourselves
How will you chronicle your own journeys?
How will we be remembered in the library shelves?
What will we leave behind, our lasting legacies?
Another old piece
189 · Sep 2017
Longing
Mister J Sep 2017
The lonely heart sings
It seeks to be where you are
To be by your side
Haiku #6
184 · Sep 2017
Insomnia
Mister J Sep 2017
I can't sleep tonight
Thoughts running wild in my mind
They don't want to stop
Haiku #3
160 · Sep 2017
Breathe
Mister J Sep 2017
Sometimes I just can't
take the pressure
Sometimes I just don't
Know what I should do
Sometimes I can't identify
Who am I supposed to be
Sometimes I just need
A time out to think

As much as I want to
Run away from all of this
I can't just give in
I still need to find you

I just need to breathe
inhale some fresh air
Take a break and assess
What happens next
So wait for me
As I think of a way
To get away from here
And come get you
To take you in my arms
And bring you to
Our share of paradise
Just some jumbled words in my mind that I needed to put somewhere.
:)

— The End —