I find myself lost in a river of emotions,
With no life jacket, no raft,
Just me,
Water up to my neck,
Drowning on the inside where nobody can see,
I put a smile on my face and act as if everything is ok,
But all I do is wait patiently,
For someone to save me from these crashing waves,
The longer I stay here,
I drift further and further away,
The bed I made was a river,
I had no intentions to stay,
I guess that’s what happens when you pretend and put on a show,
But the truth is out,
Now everyone knows.

Here we are again
Doing the same **** that we used to
My heart has been broken, my love has been stolen, really all the **** that I’m used to
Trying to fix what’s been long broken
You want me to believe that things on’t be how they used to
But I don’t feel how I used to
I don’t love you like I used to
I don’t believe in you like I used to
I don’t crave you like I used to
I don’t look forward to us like I used to
Cause I know after while it’ll just be what I’m used to
I don’t know how to get you to understand
That this isn’t the me you are used to
I have standards, more emotions and boundaries, more value than you are used to
I don’t want to get comfortable to what I’m used to
Being used to has gotten me no where
But dealing with **** that I’m used to.

A new start a new life
Something to make me smile
Something to erase all this pain
Something really worth my while
I truly hope you find me
And when you do I’ll be standing right here waiting for you
You need me just like I need you
So don’t deprive yourself of a love that could be so true
Let’s put our past behind us and learn from our mistakes
Because we know without love you really only attract snakes.

I find myself lost in a river of emotions,
With no life jacket, no raft,
Just me,
Water up to my neck,
Drowning on the inside where nobody can see,
I put a smile on my face and act as if everything is ok,
But all I do is wait patiently,
For someone to save me from these waves of ways crashing against my face,
The longer I stay here,
I drift further and further away,
The bed I made was a river,
I had no intentions to stay,
I guess that’s what happens when you pretend and put in a show,
But the truth is out,
Now everyone knows

I never knew the hate and jealousy was so real,
Now not knowing what to listen to, what to think or how to feel,
The light that lives inside me burns with purpose,
Maybe theirs would too,
if they actually protected their vibe,
Changed the people they hang with,
you know,
really found their tribe,
I’ve heard the words of family, the lies spewed through their teeth,
All because they couldn’t be little ol me,
Fake smiles, I love you’s, and walking contradictions,
They didn’t think I’d see the truth that the whole time I’ve been missing,
It’s not love, it’s jealousy and greed,
When they thought I wasn’t looking they sowed a seed,
Ignorantly not knowing what they do,
Cause, Everything you send out comes right back to you,
The darkness I have endured, they thought no one would ever know,
But The veil has been lifted,
now everyone can enjoy the show

A mother’s prayer begins the day the negative turns into a plus,
Every prayer a mother releases into the universe is no longer for herself,
but for the seedlings that will one day sprout into her garden,
A mother that prays , prays for love, protection, and good health,
Coming from where I'm from,
We have to pray a little more and a whole lot harder,
I pray these people give my babies a chance,
Spare them from the ak47 and ar15 that they love so much,
Spare them from negative connotations,
Spare them from being another statistic,
Spare them from the hate,
Spare them from the fear,
Let them wake up in the morning to a new day,
Let them shine like the sun in the sky,
Let them live like their is no tomorrow,
Allow them to laugh so deeply that it hurts ,
Allow them to be your source of light,
Allow them to inspire and change the world,
Protect their big lips, unruly hair, and chocolate skin,
Protect their innocence,
Protect them from the hidden devils that have been placed on this earth,
Protect them every second, every minute, every hour
Give them strength to overcome,
Give them understanding to the circumstances they have been born into,
Give them knowledge to distinguish the real,
I can not protect my children,
I can not stop the plan,
I can not write a life of love and happiness for them,
So I ask the people of this world to not put any more pressure upon there already ridden backs,
For I am a mother who prays.

You ask me how my day is,
I tell you it’s been rough,
Today was not one of my best days,
I broke down and cried,
I want so much for myself and my family,
But everything just keeps going to ****,
Don’t worry you say,
But how can I not,
Cause soon as things get hard you take it out on me,
**** is terrifying,
I want to live with ease,


This is just wrong

I’m scared to show you anymore of me,
You looked me in my eyes and made me believe a lie,
A lie to me that felt so true,
Now I’m supposed to believe that this time things will be any different,
I hate that you broke us,
I want to forgive but my mind keeps going back to that morning,
To that hour, when my whole reality shattered,
What did you expect,
Did you think that I would forgive you and love you the same?
I have a good heart you say,
You picked me out of all the girls in your world,
I was nothing more than your mere prey,
Ah, yes I can use and abuse this one,
You know all the **** everybody else has done to me,
I’ll do it to her because I was strong enough to survive,
So she will survive too you see ,
But you were a little too dumb to recognize,
That all the love you taught me to give myself,
You could never repay it x3

If I want to **** another man,
That’s what I’ll do,
He will love me better than you ever could and you know it’s true,
I gave you my heart and you crushed it in your hand,
But now I’m supposed to give a **** about how you feel,
All while you never kept it real,
So if he wants to wine and dine,
Show me the world and so much more,
You know it will only be a minute before my ******* hit the floor,
***** wet, and gushing just like how it used to for you,
I’ll let him have his way because this ain’t what I’m used to,
I deserve to be worshipped like the queen I am,
Your friends even know this,
Be careful who you tell your business too,
Cause your boy been waiting to see what this ***** do,
So when you see us know that’s me,
Because he saw the beauty you choose not to see.

I love you,
it’s always been you,
I’m sorry that I’ve let people hurt you,
But through it all you stand tall and face adversity,
People think they know you but they have no idea,
Just how beautifully imperfect you are,
You smile when you want to cry,
You laugh when you just want to hide,
If you walk with me I will lead you,
Take a moment and just listen,
Because the answer has always been me and you.

I sat back and watched everything you did,
You abused her and used her,
You were so ****** up you couldn’t even see,
You had god starring you right in you eyes,
She was your savior,
You were killing yourself and she loved you,
more than you ever could dream of loving you,
But you left,
No explanation,
Not a goodbye or see you later,
I knew then that this world was a ****** up place,
From that day forward I hated you,
For everything you did to her,
Hell if I could of killed you that night I would of,
26 years later and I’m glad to see you got your **** together,
Cause now you have another little me.

Why dosent she get it,
Why can't she see,
all of who I'm trying to be,

I don't want to be like my past,
Or the ones who came before me,
Who chose not to see all that was standing in front of the,

I try so hard to hold it all together,
I know what we have could last forever,
I don't want it to just be,
Another failed you and me,

I ****** up and did somethings I'm ashamed to say,
I had you living in an illusion that wasn't real,
Because deep down I didn't want to face how I feel,

But I see clearly now whats for me,
Your love runs deep like the roots of an old willow tree,
This is the dream I had when I was a young boy,
What did I do to deserve somebody that does not treat me like a toy,

You are the lighthouse in my sea,
Your smile is the beauty in my day,
Your laughter is the sound of my peace,
Your essence gives me permission to just be,

I truly am sorry baby,
Please find it in your heart to forgive me .

How I feel has never mattered to you,
I sit with these feelings and just ponder,
How come you never notice when I’m not ok,
How does what you feel always trump little ol me,
Why do you continuously mistreat and use me,
How is any of this okay?
If this is the world that you are offering me,
I want no parts.
I’m good love, enjoy!

I once thought my exisitence revolved around the love of a man
I once thought that everything just needed time and a plan
I once thought that everything was true but that was all Before I fell in love with you
In the beginning we took our vows and said I do
But your smile faded into resentment
Your laughter turned into a growl
What once felt so warm and real turned into all the Nightmares I told myself I would not feel
When you look into my eyes do you not see the tears I try to hide ?
When you hold my hand can you feel all the love I'm so scared to give?
When you hug me does your soul hold on tight ?
Are all the things I see in you what you see in me?
If you love me why do you leave me so ****** up mentally?

- L