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I'm a white rose,
with a black shadow.
I'm the moon,
with a black mark.
I'm the poetry,
with all painful words.
I'm the sky full of scars,
My heart is filled with love,
While my mind is haunting me,
My soul is Galaxy which feels empty in space.
This poem has published in a book, "Bloom"
On Nov.5th,2018 ❤️
I don't feel special,
I'm not unique.
I want to cry
but I can't even speak.
My hands reach out,
but they cannot hold
a single thing
but the bitter cold.
Everything's frozen,
I feel lost.
Even my tears
have turned to frost.
When I cut my waist
it bleeds black.
I'm so deeply gone
there's no way back.
This is goodbye
It feels like darkness surrounding me.
It feels like monsters are everywhere.
It feels like I can’t do anything to stop it.
It feels like I’m saying too much.
It feels like I’m not allowed to be here.
It feels like I can’t stop repeating myself.
If feels like I’m Broken.
I suffer from Severe Anxiety, so honestly, not everyone will get this.
I've always thought the stars shined brighter
when I was watching them with you.
It was our last night together
so we spent it outside.
Under this August sky,
the stars fell that night.
This was an ode to us
because it was the end of an era.
2017
What would it take
to make a grown man cry?
When the only thing important to him
shoots themself and dies

And nobody realized
what was going through her mind
til she loaded one in the chamber
and put it between her eyes

And her soul goes up to the skies
And everyone's asking why
She was young, loving and selfless
It wasn't her time to die

It's only when it's too late
That's when everybody tries
And it's only when it's too late
Now that's when everybody cries

So tell your loved ones they matter
and you might save their lives
'Cause it's only when it's too late
Now that's when everybody cries
Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback. I will be building my Author page tonight (12/21/2018) and my website finished first thing Monday!

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!
Big, Biggest Love,
        Jeff Gaines
I wrote this lullaby for my HS sweetheart after she came over to my house crying and was all upset that her family had just told her to leave me and to  "Forget that dreamer!"

I can't say I blame them, in hindsight. I was yer typical parents worst nightmare: Long hair, torn jeans, loud-crazy shirts/clothes, singing in a band, bouncer at a pool hall, big mean Doberman Pinscher, hot rod Firebird Formula, big ol' party house with a pool ... you get the picture.

This poem has been up here since Feb/2018. But I guess during the last server cleaning, it somehow got deleted along with the last two paragraphs of my notes to "The Longest Piece Ever Uploaded To Hello Poetry".

I discovered that and luckily had it backed up, so I replaced the missing notes. Last night I read "I love You" (another lullaby written for her and posted here at HP) and when I went to find this one, it was totally gone.

Better check yer posts. There could be missing bits or even WHOLE POEM uploads!
Yes, I write bad poems when I'm sad
I prefer silence to comfort me
Yes, I write bad poems when I'm mad
I prefer my own words to scream it out

Yes, I write bad poems when I'm happy
I prefer solitary than fake company
Yes, I write bad poems when I'm excited
I prefer obscure of the thrill

Yes, I write bad poems when I'm stressed
I prefer words to heal me than pills
Yes, I write bad poems when I'm tired
I prefer sleepless night than a bad dream

Yes, I write bad poems when I'm depressed
I prefer assurance than un-followed advises
Yes, I write bad poems
I prefer silence in this world that will never stop talking
unspoken words,
years of silence

it is time
to spread my wings

to embrace;

i am transgender
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