You think you saved my life,
so I hope you won't feel hate
when you get that final phone call
and you learn it was too late.
You'll wish you had read the signs,
my scars, fresh cuts, and tears.
But my smile was too convincing,
I learned throughout the years.
Have you ever drowned before...?
Have you ever been scared that you might?
Have you felt the water wash over your face,
and watched as mid-day fades to night?
That is what depression feels like.
It starts with swimming too far out
and suddenly realizing you're caught in the waves.
But before you even begin to drown,
the panic settles in as you picture your grave.
You cry out for help,
and struggle for one deep breath,
but the waves are strong
and the water is deaf.
You start to reminisce
about all the memories shared
with the ones you love so much.
You realize that you're scared.
At this point as you're drowning,
all hope seems to have disappeared.
Now you await death alone,
thinking your conscious is clear.
But instead of deadly waves,
It's just you and a gun.
You think this is where the drowning ends,
but it's only just begun.
I can't tell the difference
between my laughter and my fear.
Everything blurs together
when I smile through the tears.
Despite the pain of yesterday,
I plaster a fake smile;
And though I'm good at hiding it,
My sanity remains on trial.
I lay in bed, missing you
and place my hand where you used to lay.
Without you here, I'm lost inside
my heart knows only pain.
There was a time where I would cry
and turn to use your shoulder.
But now I share you with the country,
because you are a soldier.
You may defend the greater good,
and always fight for what is right;
I will share you with the world,
but your heart is still mine.
Your words echo in my mind
and flow through my body at high tides.
"You will be safe, and we will be happy"
We kissed and you said goodbye to me.
For three months, we didn't see each other.
You became what my heart longed most for.
My letters to you were stained with tears,
three months felt like years.
Hidden emotions became magnified,
my love for you was stronger than I had realized.
We finally got to kiss just one more time,
before, again, we said goodbye.
I write to you to say goodbye.
This life is gone, no need to cry.
It's okay, you won't be missed;
whatever you're feeling will be dismissed.
We have no one to tell
except for ourselves,
what pain we've endured
behind closed doors.
I wish I could say it will be alright,
but I'm afraid this is our last fight.