Fear is the relief of
Being lost in the woods
When the canopy shines
Before the night arrives

Fear is the relief of
Being greeted by the sea
Welcomed by the breeze
As the storm subsides

When I lie awake at stark midnight
At night, I find relief
In the darkest reliefs of the mind
Where fear is a friend of the dark

My heart did not belong to you.
It was not yours to take.
As a married woman, abused or not,
I was loyal.
Like a dog.
Collared and fed,
but kicked and left outside...
all while he would play with other puppies at the pound.
You touched me once,
and we both should've been with others.
Once is all it took for me to realize
I'm human.
I am sad, and broken, and healing.
I'm human.
My heart was not Yours to take,
and though you haven't claimed it
I'm glad You are the one that stole it.
Whether it be for a gorgeous, burning moment of desire,
or the rest of our lives.
I'm glad You are the one that holds it.
Because I am human.
I can change who I am loyal to.
I chose you,
whether it be for a gorgeous burning moment of desire,
or the rest of our lives.

God I knew I should've left.
I shouldn't have even held your gaze.
You have stupid and ugly beautiful blue eyes.
I shouldn't have
I just shouldn't.
Shouldn't have gone to the bar,
Shouldn't have wiped that one tear from your face.
Shouldn't have accepted your comfort.
I shouldn't have fallen for you.
EVERYTHING was done right.
I kept it simple and friendly,
no dancing in the rain.
No laughing in the night.
It took one night on vulnerability to break down my walls.
I'm trying so hard to rebuild them,
I don't want to be close to you.
I don't want to be close to you or anyone else.
Every time I build my walls,
I put in the effort for it.
Each brick I cement into place...
Do you think it's easy for me to push you away?
It's not.
None of this is easy for me and yet here you are,
flicking bricks away from my walls as if they were paper.

Your eyes are glazed and cold
and I can tell you need to cry.
Silent tears stain your soul
but you'll never tell me why.
Standing in front of your warm smile,
I see with more than just my eyes.
No one around us seems to notice
the brokenness you hide.
The world took something beautiful
and tortured it's fragile soul.
You've become a crucible
for toxicity to behold.
Just once, I have a favor to ask.
Lay your head against my chest,
and let go of your mask.

Why do I hope for love?
I've only ever known struggle.
Why do I try to sleep
When I know I'll just wake up in puddles..

Puddles of sweat,
Puddles of tears.
My past haunts my dreams,
I reach for love when I've only known fear.

Love is a fairy tail,
A story told to spark hope.
Now I'm left reaching in the dark,
Wanting to be held but I'll always be alone.

Its time to grow up,
Relationships don't work.
I'm stuck in a cycle,
And I will always hurt.

It's childish to make a wish.
It's stupid to believe.
When will my heart stop yearning
For childhood dreams.

Have you ever drowned before...?
Have you ever been scared that you might?
Have you felt the water wash over your face,
and watched as mid-day fades to night?
That is what depression feels like.

It starts with swimming too far out
and suddenly realizing you're caught in the waves.
But before you even begin to drown,
the panic settles in as you picture your grave.

You cry out for help,
and struggle for one deep breath,
but the waves are strong
and the water is deaf.

You start to reminisce
about all the memories shared
with the ones you love so much.
You realize that you're scared.

At this point as you're drowning,
all hope seems to have disappeared.
Now you await death alone,
thinking your conscious is clear.

But instead of deadly waves,
It's just you and a gun.
You think this is where the drowning ends,
but it's only just begun.