It took me 4 full years to realize I can’t have you back
Even if I could one day

I don’t want the life you’ll have me living
And I think you knew that and that’s why you ran away
It took me a long time to see that I would never be truly happy
In a life that was so vain
But you knew and you saved me
Even though I kicked and screamed and begged

You’re not in a place to compromise and I would’ve sacrificed my life
For a love that would’ve kept me trapped in my toxic days
You viewed me in ways that I didn’t see myself
And were right every time,
Only when it came to the good things
And even if it wasn’t handled the right way
You ultimately saved me from a life
That I thought I could one day embrace

I don’t want the life you’ll have me living
And I think you knew that and that’s why you ran away
It took me a long time to see that I would never be truly happy
In a life that was so vain
But you knew and you saved me
Even though I kicked and screamed and begged

Putting yourself first ain’t all that easy
When feelings were as deep as mine
The guilt, shame, and being hungry
Doesn’t help when it comes to saying goodbye
So don’t judge me

Man, 4 years was a long time

It’s a city in the mountain view
**** I’ve never seen something quite like you
So fun and free, yet peaceful-
A constant reminder of nature’s beauty.

For some the growing happens after high school
For others, the change happens in graduate school
I was nervous to make the transition alone
However, him leaving turned out to be the best **** thing since edible cookie dough

Life’s Next Chapter

Sometimes life pulls us away
From the ones who help us get through the tough days
The thought of being without them pains me to say
A part of me wants to give up my dreams to go away to school to stay.

I am worried that I won’t make friends
I’ll be lonely in this new place,
On my own and not knowing my way
The thought of leaving behind my loved ones
Terrifies me more than I’d like to say
A part of me wants to give up my dreams to go away to school to stay.

I am worried that making the move
Might end up being a horrible mistake
I’m not sure if I’m mentally ready
For what life may throw my way
The wonders of the unknown concerns me
I want my life to be on track without delays.

A part of me wants to give up my dreams to go away to school to stay.

I let out a blood curdle scream
Hoping my parents can come help me
I was trapped within a paralyzed body
Stuck between a purgatory state of sleep and reality.

Shadowy silhouettes appeared then were out of sight,
In the corners of my forest green eyes,
The sound of their hushed footsteps were left behind
Leaving me frightened out of my mind.
I was prepared to be hurt by the creatures
That lurked my bedroom at night.

Mom frantically told the doctor who said it was sleep paralysis,
The good news is that I would be alright.
There’s nothing they can do,
I’m stuck feeling the fear that comes to me
Whenever the sleep paralysis decides to strike.

No one can help me,
I have to live through getting stuck in a limp body
Welcoming the scary creatures that come by,
Having an episode is one of the scariest things
That I’ve encountered in my life.

The world never saw the beauty in his forest green eyes
All they saw were the horrible and cruel lies,
That was spread for the enjoyment of gossip.
People judging and rumors flying
Social media is an angel in disguise

People didn’t see the truth that radiated in his broken smile
Or the never-ending love that continually poured from his heart
All they chose to see were the “revealings” of his troubles

That boy is a good lad
True to himself and isn’t changing for anyone.
He already knows exactly who he is

It’s not his fault that they are all in a fool’s paradise
It’s heartbreaking to see just how deep
It’s getting hard for him to stay afloat
When will the truth be seen?

That boy is one of a kind with a beautiful soul
He’s like a Kadupul with his rare, stellar mind
People are just unfortunately too blind to see it.
Hopefully, people will one day learn to not always trust their beautiful eyes.

I painted my room the hue of blue
For a reason
You see, blue reminds me of the beach
Which reminds me of hot summer days
And cold summer nights
Which reminds me of when you lent me your sweatshirt
Which wasn’t blue, but when I wore it I swear it radiated that hue
It’s scary having deep feelings for someone
But the radiance of blue was so vibrant
It was easy to push my fears aside
Instead I was filled with calmness, peace, security, and feelings of content  
I was left the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
I painted my room the hue of blue
To remind me what I want to strive to feel
Each day of my life

There was a black and white dog who wore a Mickey Mouse symbol on her back
Had pointy ears and a buttoned nose
Always down to cuddle, lazy days are her favorite in fact.
She is the size of a football
But has confidence the size of a Great Dane
Whom she will try to attack, if he gets to close to our lawn.
I don’t think she realizes that she’s the perfect size for a mid-day snack.
Protecting our house is her priority
Even though she won’t win an attack.

I live for the days and dread the nights
It’s something about the quiet that brings out the light
My body is falling asleep, but not my mind
Do people know what that feels like?
People critique me as being an over thinker
Friends finding my habit annoying and concerning
They don’t get that it’s hard for me to control
My thoughts take over the entirety of my mind
They don’t get that my thoughts keep me lying awake at night
I pray to avoid temptation creeping into my way
But sometimes muffling the noise sounds like a luxury getaway
I’m not ready to face what lies underneath
But every night it’s getting much harder to breathe
My family doesn’t really believe in therapy
I don’t know what to do
I’m drowning, can someone please help me?

Long Island is not the place you want to be
When a pandemic outbreaks into the streets
Neighborhoods are split between those who listen to the CDC
And those who need a tragedy to take the guidelines seriously
Everyday is a guessing game of did Corona catch me today?
Lines outside clinics grew, nose swabs became a normal part of what we do
Masks became the latest fashion trend
Although there are people who refuse to buy them
More people are getting infected around me
When will people start to believe this isn’t just some made up fantasy?
Covid affects everyone who has it differently
I just hope no one dies around me.

I painted my room the hue of blue
For a reason
You see, blue reminds me of the beach
Which reminds me of hot summer days
And cold summer nights
Which reminds me of when you lent me your sweatshirt
Which wasn’t blue, but when I wore it I swear it radiated that hue
It’s scary having deep feelings for someone
But the radiance of blue was so vibrant
It was easy to push my fears aside
Instead I was filled with calmness, peace, security, and feelings of content  
I was left the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
I painted my room the hue of blue
To remind me what I want to strive to feel
Each day of my life

Watching the clock go by
My hour with you is near
Feeling like an eternity
But soon you’ll be with me

You are more beautiful than the sunset
You are sweeter than a candy apple
An old soul, but a child at heart
I love you.

Love is so special
Just like a comet
You are my lucky star
That I will follow

If the burning light dies out
I will still look for you
Just like a shooting star
You may one day be gone

Darling, time only lasts so long
I have no doubt in my mind
That one day we’ll be together
Again, if life splits us apart

I will one day
Be reunited in your arms
Even if it’s in the stars
People will know where we are

Letting Go

I remember being in the dormitory hall,
I wept, pouring my heart out in front of you all
I didn’t know heartbreak would bring me to rock bottom
I had to call my dad to help me stand again
For tomorrow

I remember wondering what a year from then held
And luckily a year later I’m able to say
That I am doing well, but I’m still stuck in the past
Moving on seems like an impossible task

I went back to him, but we did not last.
I’m not ready to say goodbye, so I don’t.
Instead, I hold on,
Full of hope.

I know our time isn’t now,
It’s just so hard to put this down.

I think after some growing we could work
We could be happy and forget the hurt
The problem is he doesn’t see
That life will be okay with me

We view life very differently,
So he’s afraid of hurting me,
I’ve been through the pain once before
I want him to give us a chance
Before we officially close the door.

Sitting there, heart racing, time ticking,
You try to remember, but you just can't.
Everything you spent your night trying to memorize
Seems to be erased from memory,
Palms start sweating, hands start shaking,
You can’t make out the words typed
Boldly onto the paper,
Everything is becoming blurry,
You keep trying to replay last night
In your mind so you might
Be able to get a couple right,
But instead you are faced with only
Half a memory,
The answers are covered with blanks,
You can’t remember.
It is time to accept the destined fate.
A student’s living nightmare
Is not getting a passing grade.

It’s crazy,
Looking back on the time
Before you and me,
I was really happy then
But you changed me.

I was happy,
But I needed you.
Life would’ve looked different without you
I’m not sure if I would’ve made a good future wife without you

Happier ain’t always better
If it means you’re stuck in your ways
And not broadening your horizons,
I needed you.
To change my strong-willed ways

I was happy,
But I needed you.
Life would’ve looked different without you
I’m not sure if I would’ve made a good future wife without you.

I cried, a lot.
But what’s life without the hard stuff too,
You touched my heart,
That fact is true
It turns out, I needed you.

Happier ain’t always better
If it means you’re stuck in your ways
And not broadening your horizons.
I needed you.
To change my strong-willed ways.

They told her to run away
To go far, far away
Far from home to hide away
She had enough money to keep away
To stay far, far away
So she ran away
Far from home to hide away
Far, far away
To start a new life and keep away.

Boy so young,
Had his life in his hands
With the plans of playing soccer in college
Just one accident took that all away
His friends stayed by his bedside
Getting ready to say their final goodbyes.

They stay,
So he won’t be lonely
They sit and start desperately praying
That he will pull through
And this life won’t end so shortly.

They’re men.
“Tough guys.”
So they refuse to show their tears
Behind their shocked.
Broken. Hearts.
Their minds are left
Racing with thoughts,

Boy so young,
Had his whole life in his hands
With plans for his future,
Just one accident took that all away.
Life is truly only a temporary state.

All we can do now is pray.

I woke up to an empty bed
You didn’t come back last night
Where were you instead?

My question started a huge fight
But I trusted the words that he said,
I woke up to an empty bed.

He was sleeping with my friend
Oh, how I wanted her dead
Seeing him quickly became a horrible sight
Where were you instead?

The truth quickly came to light
Eating hot Cheetos alone, I was staying out of sight
I woke up to an empty bed.

I needed to clear my head,
I was crying away the long nights,
Where were you instead?

No I wasn’t alright,
He had taken my heart and left out of sight.
I woke up to an empty bed.
Where were you instead?

Snow
Snow is falling,
Falling down quickly and covering the road,
The road I need to get home.
To get home to where you lay,
Laying waiting for me to lie in your arms to tell you about my day.
My day has been rough, and all I want to do is come home.
Come home to where you are at once.
Once the snow lightens up, I’ll be on my way,
On my way to see you to hear about your day
Today the snow decided to fall hard,
Hard enough to keep me at a distance.
No distance will ever keep me too far away
Away I’ll stay waiting for the snow to lighten up, then I’ll be on my way.
On my way to keep you warm on this very cold day