It took me 4 full years to realize I can’t have you back
Even if I could one day

I don’t want the life you’ll have me living
And I think you knew that and that’s why you ran away
It took me a long time to see that I would never be truly happy
In a life that was so vain
But you knew and you saved me
Even though I kicked and screamed and begged

You’re not in a place to compromise and I would’ve sacrificed my life
For a love that would’ve kept me trapped in my toxic days
You viewed me in ways that I didn’t see myself
And were right every time,
Only when it came to the good things
And even if it wasn’t handled the right way
You ultimately saved me from a life
That I thought I could one day embrace

I don’t want the life you’ll have me living
And I think you knew that and that’s why you ran away
It took me a long time to see that I would never be truly happy
In a life that was so vain
But you knew and you saved me
Even though I kicked and screamed and begged

Putting yourself first ain’t all that easy
When feelings were as deep as mine
The guilt, shame, and being hungry
Doesn’t help when it comes to saying goodbye
So don’t judge me

Man, 4 years was a long time

It’s a city in the mountain view
**** I’ve never seen something quite like you
So fun and free, yet peaceful-
A constant reminder of nature’s beauty.

For some the growing happens after high school
For others, the change happens in graduate school
I was nervous to make the transition alone
However, him leaving turned out to be the best **** thing since edible cookie dough

Life’s Next Chapter

Sometimes life pulls us away
From the ones who help us get through the tough days
The thought of being without them pains me to say
A part of me wants to give up my dreams to go away to school to stay.

I am worried that I won’t make friends
I’ll be lonely in this new place,
On my own and not knowing my way
The thought of leaving behind my loved ones
Terrifies me more than I’d like to say
A part of me wants to give up my dreams to go away to school to stay.

I am worried that making the move
Might end up being a horrible mistake
I’m not sure if I’m mentally ready
For what life may throw my way
The wonders of the unknown concerns me
I want my life to be on track without delays.

A part of me wants to give up my dreams to go away to school to stay.

I let out a blood curdle scream
Hoping my parents can come help me
I was trapped within a paralyzed body
Stuck between a purgatory state of sleep and reality.

Shadowy silhouettes appeared then were out of sight,
In the corners of my forest green eyes,
The sound of their hushed footsteps were left behind
Leaving me frightened out of my mind.
I was prepared to be hurt by the creatures
That lurked my bedroom at night.

Mom frantically told the doctor who said it was sleep paralysis,
The good news is that I would be alright.
There’s nothing they can do,
I’m stuck feeling the fear that comes to me
Whenever the sleep paralysis decides to strike.

No one can help me,
I have to live through getting stuck in a limp body
Welcoming the scary creatures that come by,
Having an episode is one of the scariest things
That I’ve encountered in my life.

The world never saw the beauty in his forest green eyes
All they saw were the horrible and cruel lies,
That was spread for the enjoyment of gossip.
People judging and rumors flying
Social media is an angel in disguise

People didn’t see the truth that radiated in his broken smile
Or the never-ending love that continually poured from his heart
All they chose to see were the “revealings” of his troubles

That boy is a good lad
True to himself and isn’t changing for anyone.
He already knows exactly who he is

It’s not his fault that they are all in a fool’s paradise
It’s heartbreaking to see just how deep
It’s getting hard for him to stay afloat
When will the truth be seen?

That boy is one of a kind with a beautiful soul
He’s like a Kadupul with his rare, stellar mind
People are just unfortunately too blind to see it.
Hopefully, people will one day learn to not always trust their beautiful eyes.

I painted my room the hue of blue
For a reason
You see, blue reminds me of the beach
Which reminds me of hot summer days
And cold summer nights
Which reminds me of when you lent me your sweatshirt
Which wasn’t blue, but when I wore it I swear it radiated that hue
It’s scary having deep feelings for someone
But the radiance of blue was so vibrant
It was easy to push my fears aside
Instead I was filled with calmness, peace, security, and feelings of content  
I was left the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
I painted my room the hue of blue
To remind me what I want to strive to feel
Each day of my life

There was a black and white dog who wore a Mickey Mouse symbol on her back
Had pointy ears and a buttoned nose
Always down to cuddle, lazy days are her favorite in fact.
She is the size of a football
But has confidence the size of a Great Dane
Whom she will try to attack, if he gets to close to our lawn.
I don’t think she realizes that she’s the perfect size for a mid-day snack.
Protecting our house is her priority
Even though she won’t win an attack.