One
Im sorry that i didnt call you a thousand times when we fight

It is just..
There is this one deep scar on my left thumb
it traumatized the heaven out of me

the last time i did that to someone
I left millions of unanswered voicemail
Every single day

Two
I'm sorry that i ran and slept
Whenever the storm brews between us

The last hundreds of storms
Which I went inside only to find myself lost
And got all of these scars on my wrist and hips

I keep telling you that im brave
But im so ******* scared most of the times
Im scared of you not wanting me in the way i wanted you

Three
I'm sorry that you feel the need
To tip toe around the wondrous tread that you have
Around me..

The need to be happy had become a purpose
Protecting my soul from ugliness of life has made me embed an ugly scar deep within me

When you are so used to be living underneath the surface
The water above you will feel so terrifying

Im sorry that deep inside im a ******* total mess
A mess that is trying so hard to treat you the way that you deserved

I love you with every breath that i took since the day i realized that I'm loved
And every breath that i will take for the rest of this life

You made me feel like as if
No one has ever touched this ugly soul
And broke it into every prospect possible

i can't simply escape
From the life that gave me all of these scars

But don't be scared my love
These scars are fading away anyway
Slowly but confidently

The first puncture
Makes me beg for more and more
You literally give me colours
Everytime you get into this skin

They said that you are impenetrable
But this is me trying
To be skin deep with you
You should know by now that im restless and nothing's stopping me now

It's the small wounds and the colours
You touch me little by little
and drop by drop
It completes the art i want to have in me

I dont do tattoo baby
But i got your name inked all over my heart

I couldn't compare
The way your light brown eyes
Light the whole totality in me
As if nothing the light couldnt touch
It's filling up the darkness in me

And stop giving me the smile
That stops the ticking clocks
No matter how i beg to be in your forever
As i couldn't resist the tempation to live and let die in your embrace

I wouldn't want to trade
Your chilly touch
With a burning ember
Or any comfort for change
Let the frostbites seal me in your arms so i can stay and please, just stay

Its the way you move
And the way you talk
That takes me on a joy ride on my mortality

This is how your beauty is immortalized
When it is no longer in existence
Or when it is forgotten
By me or by you
At the end of the day
It is not how the moonlight
touches your enthral scars
Your best beauty is
How it brings out the best of me
Within you

It's a man made dream
Of a man made sky
And a man made noise
In a dome of self made illusion

It's a man made drink
From a man made trees
Drives a man dense and mindless
Behind a counter full of lies and cigs

It's a man made feelings
Clouded in a man made fantasy
In a man made society
Where the man just wants your dignity

An ecstasy of a man's lust and hypocrisy
Its ugly and self destructive
At the end of the day you will just perish
Just like another toxic city

May the storm
Drags every inch of hell out of me
Along with the dread of this stupid loneliness
Spin it along with all of the shadows,
of the lovers that went wrong

Let this storm
Cleanse all of the remains
The pile of the endless city
even the fields of flowers and butterflies
That i built for you and wipe it all clean
So i can grow a better one for myself

This storm will end soon
And when it does
you will be as good as dead
And when it does
All that is left of your sanctuary in me
Is rubble and dust

Cinta aku walau mati
Masih hidup
Dalam tulisan ku
Dalam setiap bibit kata cinta
Melalui dakwat air mata
Dan setiap barisan lara

Cinta aku walau sudah lama pergi
Masih bernafas
Dalam bait bait permata
Sulaman nafas cinta pertama
Di atas sehelai selendang
Yang dulu mengikat erat akal dan nyawa

Cinta aku tetap hidup dan bernafas
Di atas empat penjuru putih
batasan terakhir nyawa cinta ini
Yang jasad sudah lama hilang
Ditelan masa manusia

I hope you know
That i gave up my world
To give you the freedom that you want
So that you can fly

Without me tied around your neck,
Or me weighing you down with all of my luggages
To let you soar in the new airspace

I really, really hope that you do now
Because i really am not
And all in all
You were really all i had

In a perfect world
where the best version
of me exist,

I will not lack love
nor friendship

That me would
not be devoid of myself
Nor i need
The never-ending self reassurances

I wanna feel you
Like how the flowers feel the spring
Or when it feels the change of the ground below and sky above

A blow from heavy sky
I want you to know that I'm worth dragging in
alongside the flowers you picked in the current

Choking my ripples of breath and pride for you
To let me be in the turbulence
So you will see the extent
Of how our souls are entangled

I always pray that it will never come to this
But if the day ever comes
when the last petal falls
I will be hiding far away from myself

The morning it falls
Ill starve myself and lock the door
Carve my self from you and all of your senses
On the stomach you always touch up all the way to my throat

The evening sun
Will take me to the kitchen where i used to prepare my love
How do i do things i do without you?
Everything without you left quite an ugly bitter aftertaste

I am thinking baby maybe
Ill keep myself away
From all the bottled red and blue on the shelves
But now, now could i even tell what is real and what is not?

On that day
I will cry myself a stellar river
Drowning every inch of my sense
Will it clean myself from you?

In another live
I will put everything on the line
That time around
I'll make sure that
I don’t have to write this stupid poem