I broke my heart
so you could not

I handed it out in pieces
gave it away, forgave, forgot

I gave you my heart
I didn't want it anymore

I am selfish to give out my broken heart
it's not what it was before

Lacking the control
necessary for

bending your heart
I am
not strong enough to break

No self-respect
no respect for
space.
time.

Inhibited
by myself.

Sit.
Stay.
Good girl.
Lie down.

No more
good girl.

Call my name
and I will come
In a moment
to your side.
No thought
no care
no respect.

The sea of green
Before the turn
The flame of lust
Ignite and burn

One more time
Cross the line

Somberly walks he
Ever watchfully
Slowly
on drying leaves,
dying thieves
of dormant trees.
Sacred are these
that summer leaves
her memories
of hopeless dreams
that soon will freeze.
Let it be
and silently
forget about me
so you can see
the mystery
of yonder trees
Whom you believe,
for whom you grieve,
and around them weave
through weeds
whose seed
you spread as you flee
with speed
away from he
who stands peacefully
among the trees
and next to me.

My glass reminds me
of your smile
Sipping, I taste the lime
Slipping, I close my eyes

Pull me back to you

Remind me
How I got here, the mess I’m in
Remind me
where I’m going, where I’ve been

I circle your wrist and
I circle my ring
You are the tonic
for the key that I sing

Justice is not equality
Freedom is not fairness

It’s better to admit you don’t understand
than to torture the hopeless

Waiting for peace on earth,
you dare to hold your breath

So I’ll let you suffocate;
We are equal in death

Undervalue my beliefs
Overwhelmed with pain and grief
Console my heart
with broken art
And sing me off to sleep

Bleed me out and go,
You can’t see and you won’t know
the life I lack
Turn your back
And leave me here to weep

It was me, I killed the Butler
and what you've heard is true.
But before I am condemned
Let me explain to you...

The milkman killed the ferrel cat,
set a trap and let it starve
So now no longer there will be
sick kittens in his yard.

The schoolboys killed the milkman
Maybe it was some sad trick
Maybe it was just an accident
I'll let you take your pick.

The Butler killed the schoolboys
I won't pretend that I know why
He shot them each in the chest
then fired his gun into the sky.

And yes, I killed the Butler
I didn't even know his name
He snuck up upon me
and now I'm the one they blame.

Breathe in
Open your eyes
Lift your head
Take off your disguise

Pretend today
is more than just a day
Let's say
it won't just pass away

We cried
inside
for we know we lied
and we can't hide
that we've lost the fight

There is no battle, the war is won
the fight is done,
we see the sun
glint off our guns

Take a seat,
now, helpless at the feet
of time, and eat
her supple fruit, the cause for your defeat.

Circles spin and pass
you cannot win if your loss plays back
no victory will last.

Watching the sun
fall below the ground
Replace your mask
and Breathe out

Hand me the keys to your car
not your heart
You're too drunk to drive
and you don't live too far.

I thought you didn't like it
when she takes your hat
And when I said I didn't care,
I guess I didn't mean that.

I can't keep your attention
'cause I can't keep my **** straight
But I didn't break my promise,
'cause it's me that I hate.

Walk away.

Worse than two-faced.
I'm *too-many-to-count-faced.

"Twenty-eight seconds"
he said.

No one warned you about me
You only know who I used to be

The sad truth is
that help comes too late
Now that I’m cold
now that I’m ok

Waterproof my eyes
and wax my smile,
Coated in plastic
and frozen for a while

For what you don’t know
Is you see what I show.

I face you now
so my heart can be seen
Because I’m stronger now
than I ever have been

But my strength that I know
makes me look to you weak
My exposed flaws and worries
look to you at their peak.

In the silence, I can hear
the firing in my brain
Neural machine guns
Shatter the stillness

In the dark, I can see
the electrical sparks
flowing through my body
Lighting up my mind.

Alone, I feel myself
think. You cannot steal
my thoughts or hijack
my malleable brain.

Feelings laced with irony
That even I don't understand
So how could you?
Part of me wants to run away
All of me wants to hold your hand
But you're hurting, too.

I gave up on keeping promises.
Don't trust me; I don't.
Just walk away.
You're too nice to let me hurt you
Keep your distance; I won't.
But I wish you'd stay.

Bitter on my tongue,
but I'll say I don't mind.
Too hot to touch
but I can't stay away
And it burns my blistering skin
but I'll be okay.

Take a taste of my poison,
but not enough to die.
I'm rotting on the inside
but outside I'm fine
So you can walk away
but I'll stay behind.

Graceful pain
in relinquishing my soul
into chaos;
Falling forever.

Yo word; this is real artist ****
****

I don’t know
I
Am ok

Drugs on your brain

words
cannot express
Pretending to be poetic

I
Am ok

I hate you
I hate me
I am alive
******* alive

Sensual pleasures
I am restricted by words
Asking to be noticed
Begging to be heard

A push from the air
So you feel its constant hug
So often we brace a shoulder
To avoid the wind's tug

Motion to falsify life
Implying breath without lungs
Moving whip of the dead
That slapped til it stung

Blameless for once,
I sit in bitter repentance
Of sins I neither regret
nor accept for them my sentence.
For I did condemn,
not them,
And I unashamed,
while blamed

Refer to my flaws,
Yet I feel naught in despair.
Apathetically seeking nothing
And the void awaiting me there.
When I could cry,
not die,
I was contrived,
not alive.

Each time it diminishes, I know it's not gone forever.
It will always return.
Anger pushes me deeper into my corrupted, compromised brain.

Painless agony that hides behind a veil of apathy
I physically hurt from emotional agony.
There is no tangible reason.

I'm fighting myself, and no matter who wins, I will always lose.

I am a zombie–
Neither dead nor alive, but merely walking around, bringing others down.

A layered watercolor skyline
under perfect painted skies
Feel the water through my fingers
Pulling me in with the tides

I can't tell the difference
between their lines and my lies
that line is so thin for my helpless mind

Pillars of darkness steal my judgment
That I refuse and I deny
Spills of silence, clouds of vision
marks on lonely open walls

I dream of imaginary blood
that is only real in consciousness

It fractures my sleep
like hammers to glass
The pieces lacerate my skin
as I frantically try to fix the brokenness.

My life tastes sweet,
feels warm, and I
bathe in its deep
crimson pools of false love that
I doubt every second.

Too many words,
meaningless
needless,
that I hurl at you.

Too hard to stop
saying too much;
I'm hopeless too.

Choruses of songbirds lift my eyelids
for the fourth time since five.
The harmonies tenderly resonate in my ears
Singing me to life

Purity where I house guilt,
the songbirds spout glorious praise,
Honestly awake when I lie still
it is no wonder I hide from the light.

With a beautiful song, he bobs through the light
that he wears on his wings
Unafraid to be heard and no reason to fear
for he is not broken, for he has not sinned.

The songbirds sing me to wake
And I soberly stare at the shadows of trees
where they perch so fleetingly,
and I long to sing in the innocence of morning.

Pour your pain in a mug
Let it steep until it's bitter
       and too strong to taste
Sip slowly and let your lips
       curl away in disgust
But still, let it slide down
       your throat;
       tepid, revolting.
Let the wafting stench fill your lungs
       breathe in the toxins
Until your vision blurs and your head spins.
Feel the poison as it
       corrupts your heart and
       erupts into your body
Let it eat you alive
       and rot you from the inside.

Vulnerability so condescending
lurks in my mind
the mantra it's not good enough
in the darkness will find.

The devil in my heart
pulls me into my head
I keep running away
but I'm running toward him instead

And I'm falling, unreserved
and endlessly away
In lonely depths of hell
Maybe I'll learn to pray.

Gently and tenderly
You hold my heart in your hand
And I slip through your fingers
like scorching hot sand.

Clench your fist in the cavity
as you reach into my chest.
I am the body draped on your arm
depending on you for the rest.

Somehow you need this,
So calmly, hold my heart,
Let my blood drip down you,
a beautifully grotesque art.

Hypothetical lust
Generated electrical impulses,
The very same that stirred your heart.

Pulse – stifled, still,
Cochlear arousal (still)
The same that heard "I love you"

Physically imprisoned,
We tremble from the pain
Yours in your mind, mine in my brain

Why do you always turn away
When I try to kiss your face?
And when I ask you what is wrong
Why do you stare off into space?

I look away and try to hide
To keep these feelings holed inside
I want to say I never lied
But long ago my feelings died.

Then when you're silent and you pause
Why do you laugh without a cause?
I guard my heart with teeth and claws,
But smile and laugh to hide my flaws

Why do you let me stay with you?
I forfeit credit where it's due
Why do you –* wait until I'm through
I cannot say I love you too.

You said We still have forever
What's a few more years apart
My trace of doubt, it left a wet line
down my cheek and neck and heart

You said Baby, this is nothing
when eternity is ours
But I saw that in your eyes
your tears were glistening like stars

You said Love will last forever
I am yours, so dry your eyes
Then you turned away and promised
These were not our last goodbyes

Overthinking.
I'm dwelling
on things that need not
more than five –
no, two
seconds.
Dismissed.

Spinning, looping
Repeating.
So unnecessarily lingering.
My mind is a bubble,
with a delicate membrane between my world
and sanity,
that houses liquid danger
Evaporated and pressing
outward against the walls
I constructed to keep others out,
and that instead poison me
with the toxic gas of these
Thoughts.

I stand out of sight.

Head bent, he checks an email
one step out of line,
easily corrected. Casually on his way
like he does it all the time.

Shameless, fearless,
head held high
Sweatpants and a purse, strange country
just passing by

I know you, and you know
my name. She is new to me
but you both look the same
then you disappear before I really see

Faces familiar and not
strangers, friends, people
Who do not see me watching.
I stay back, for I don't want to be seen.

the Courage of the sun
reflected on her face;
a reflection never as bright
but not dull.
Shining?

but without Courage she
is blind, or she hides.
I walk in darkness.
I miss her
Still.

she returns, not of her own
Will or Strength,
another cycle passed.
rising from the dead to
Beauty

return to retreat overhead
with Strength, Courage, Pain
another cycle. Past.
between glistening Glory and
Oblivion.

The hazel centers draw me in
and the comfort of the pools of green
and blue keep me in, so soft and peaceful
wishing to be seen.

So I cannot deny it,
can not deny your eyes
their need to be seen
by mine.

Eyes closed, yes eyes
and what is wrong
there is always something
something is always wrong.

The center of your eyes draw me in
and the serene pools hold me close
but I pull back and push away because
no matter how you love, he still loves the most.

The feeling in my chest pumps
My words mean nothing
My thoughts in words are not the meaning
The words have no meaning
They are mere words
It is work to describe what has meaning but it is not these words
Not words
Feelings
Pictures
Images
Pain
Pain of all kinds
Fuzzy images and memories and experiences
Stop
It hurts
My chest
The tears
The chest pain that chokes me
The tears that invisibly lurk behind my eyeballs
They sting just a little
They make me want to hide
Hide and cry
Lay alone
Why do I lay alone
Why
I’m hurting so much
Stop
Stop.
Why do I hurt?
I hurt for no reason more often than not.
No reason
That’s what depression does
There is no reason
There is no cause
Therefore I don’t understand
I’m hurting
I don’t know why
There is no wrong

can stand alone

Simple flex of a muscle
Lift up
Relax
One rep at a time
Getting stronger.

Now part the lips
just a little
Pinch the corners of your eyes
the tiniest bit
to convince them it's real.
Convince them it's real.

All you have to do
Is convince them it's real.

Three hours later
you're sitting downstairs
I wasn't home
I wasn't there

Three hours later
We walk to my door
I walk inside
and stare at the floor

Three hours later
I pace back and forth
you watch and I wonder
if you care anymore

Three hours later
I turn out the light
You don't want to leave
I don't put up a fight

Three hours later
you pull me back in
I need to get up
but the light is too dim

Three hours later
I know there's no use
I don't care enough
and I have no excuse

Three hours later
Three hours without you
And yet I don't mind
but I know that you do.

They talk, don't listen
Don't listen, for what they say isn't true
Their heartlessness can't break us
It's not your fault
They don't see
What I see in you

Set petty judgments aside
Your value is insurpassable,
Undeniable.

Your tenderness against my tongue
Tender, but never too sweet,
Almost bitter.
No sugar coated lies
Just fresh and raw.
Honest and genuine,
You provide what I need.

Darkness ***** the air from my lungs;
It grips me by the neck and
Holds me close,
Wraps around me,
Swallows me.

I killed the bird that never flew
I stabbed its heart when I lost my head.
The bird was black
And I was blind

The rain will keep me holed inside,
Where I cry too
And where I died.
If you dare to keep me up and alive,
Give me your hand;
I’ll take you with me.

I swallowed fire and doused the flame
But it’s still burning
And I feel my heart turn to ashes

Then I fall, powdered,
And I’m blown away
Like the bird in the Night.