It is HER
The one I love
You I lust
The one that knows me
You barely scratch the surface!
The one who owns my heart
You only fuck the body
You are a pillar
She is the foundation!
You are the present
She is the past
I love you
I will always love her more
My tears and sadness are not for you
It is only for her
She was - is - my soulmate and until I meet her in death
I shall only live
Not for you
All for her!
While asleep, even my dreams are not of you!
Her lips are crimson, her skin fair and smooth, her voice melodious and tempting
The Siren who visits me when I'm in the realm of Somnus
I pour all my tenderness into each kiss and touch, and though I kiss you longer and hold you tighter, it's an alien feeling
As if I am a ghost
It is her I see everywhere I go
It is her I only think about
It is her I only feel to love
However, she has long since passed this Earthly realm and though I'm committed to you and our children, she always haunts my heart
In my mind's eye, she is still here with me - alive
We have a life together - a family
Our children are happy and healthy
You found me at my lowest
At a time when I thought that I could never enjoy happiness - or life - ever again
And though we share a life together - a family complete with children
I will always be stuck in the past; it is where my heart truly lies and where my good memories are stored
If this is hell, I don't want to know what heaven is!
Colliding in silence, bending, breaking in the rush
Bumper to bumper, riding, suffocating in the crush
Some lines go on for miles, a highway of broken bits
On the shoulder find the piles, toll, of my fractured wits
Wreckage a dark reminder, of the path from there to here
No fees for the finder, never any words or thoughts that clear
Backed up and out of memory, so easy to discard
Emptying my armory, a muting of, my muse and bard
This too, shall pass, I hope...
Right in the middle of the busiest area of the Poconos, the group of condos sit in a large circle. The sky is dark, for it has been hidden from all possible sunlight by the many awnings and porches that join the different housing units. On one side of the condos the neon lights from the bar next door shine through the children’s windows, but the more occupied side the parking lot is lined with fast food restaurants- clumped together and riotous with large families that frequent them, juggling their small children and many diaper bags; and noisy cars speeding past with loud engines, pungent, murky exhaust spewing out of the back and police sirens constantly blaring down the street. In the parking lot encircled by the condos the tenant kids run around full of light yet somehow full of darkness at the same time. The older kids come out of the small houses to sit on the sidewalk in the evening, and the cracked sidewalks are covered with the faded chalk drawings left there by the youngsters earlier in the day, and with the sheets of crumbled up paper containing poetry no one would ever read, and with the old needles and discarded blunts of their parents who had left them there over the course of the day.
There is one unit in particular, a unit with a broken door from the many men who had tried to force their way in, a unit with holes in every wall that were put there by flying fists and thrown objects that had missed their true target- the oldest daughter. In front of the many holes in the their smiles are fake and their hugs are forced.
My body is not here for your pleasure Or your pressure
Making me feel inferior
It's not here for you to lay your grimy hands on when you feel tempted
My body sure as hell doesn't "belong" to you
My body was pure
You sick bastard
Forced yourself onto my body
You don't deserve me
I didn't want you
All I wanted was to stay pure
But guess what
I'm stuck like this forever
I'm no longer clean
Hunted and stalked
She was caught
Forced into the car
Out in the woods so far
No one heard her cries
Hands behind her back tied
She tried to plea
His hits just made her bleed
Shoved into the dirt
He was gonna make her hurt
He killed his prey
She dies a little more each day
Reapers in the night,
lovers at first sight.
We strike in bed
or as you’re driving by.
Bottled messages to self,
The scribbles in a passionate night
of furious insomnia and dark days.
My friend, the best of us
When forced into the hunt,
the shades may remain concealed
with hearts never revealed.
And you’re left with something
© Derek Devereaux Smith 2015, 2016