Fingers are pointed, talk is prevalent,
Blaming each other, but its slowly growing irrelevant,
This situation has gone past the moment of blame--
--everyone made their mistakes--
--they have to stop this game.

I used to care once, as the others did, but my
Energy was spent and
My will got a dent in it.
Walked in with every confident air, but now i am being ****** back in,
With no, legitimate, time, to spare.

Its time to press that button (emergency!) for outsiders, we see
          Their demise, the household
                 that        grew       to        a               di --vid --e

Bad energy, bad karma, whatever you want to call it
Seems that they have to just get on it.

But personal issues and psychological cracks,
Just seems to replace everything that they lack.
It's a "defend myself" game and
"You’re the one to blame", it’s:
| Shame | Stubbornness | Pain | Guilt |

All framed, in
The house that was supposed to be a haven
Is now a grave and I see the smokes of ****,
Rather than smokes of fury for
Inspiration and Desperation
To get out of this,
god,
forsaken,
place.

You can only say so much with so much
Conviction and not have experienced what
They have been living and yet,
Someone has to move.
Yet, no one moves.
One foots out the door--
--But then a hand pulls loose:
The walkway’s gone and now there’s no where to choose,
It’s back to negative 0, or wait, is it back more?

The only viable solution is to set aside the differences
And the egos, and pride, that's been dominating and winning,
Just to start over and say:
Hello, I’m not  a martyr, i’m just a
Kid in the adult world trying to survive harder
Than anyone else...
...I just want to live.

Believe me.

I had--have--been wishing for a dream.

The day begins with a friendly voice,
a companion unobtrusive
plays that song that's so elusive
and the magic music makes the morning mood.

A rider hits the open road,
there is magic at his fingers
for the spirit ever lingers,
undemanding contact in his solitude.

Invisible airwaves crackle with life.
Bright antenna bristle with the energy.
Emotional feedback on timeless wavelength.
Bearing a gift beyond price, almost free.

A familiar song plays,
and he starts thinking to himself:

It was a long, long time ago, wasn’t it?
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
that I could make those people dance,
and maybe they'd be happy for a while.
But February made me shiver
with every paper I'd deliver,
bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step.
I can't remember if I cried
when I read about their widowed brides,
but something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.

I see the bad moon a-rising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin'.
I see bad times today.
There's a bad moon on the rise.

So bye-bye, Miss American Pie.
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
singin', "This'll be the day that I die,
this'll be the day that I die."

They’re modern-day warriors
mean, mean stride.
Today's Tom Sawyers
mean, mean pride.
Though their minds are not for rent.
Don't put them down as arrogant
their reserve, a quiet defense
riding out the day's events.

And what you say about their company
is what you say about society.
Catch the mist, catch the myth
catch the mystery, catch the drift...

“Who are you?”

The tap drips,
the rider finishes his whiskey,
“I've looked under chairs,
I've looked under tables,
I've tried to find the key
To fifty million fables.

They call me The Seeker.

I've been searching low and high.
I won't get to get what I'm after
'til the day I die.”

They look at each other, then back at him,
“Who? Whaddya here for?"

He turns his glass upside down,
slams it on the bar
and says on his way out,
“I like smoke and lightnin'
heavy metal thunder
racing with the wind
and the feeling that I'm under.”
He gets his motor runnin',
heads out on the highway,
looking for adventure
in whatever comes his way.

Yeah, darlin' gonna make it happen.
Take the world in a loving embrace.
Fire all of your guns at once
And explode into space.
Like a true nature's child
we were born,
born to be wild.
We can climb so high,
“I never wanna die.”

Company, always on the run
destiny is a rising sun.
Oh,
he was born, 6 gun in his hand.
Behind a gun,
he'll make his final stand.
That's why they call him
bad company,
and he can't deny.
Bad company
'til the day he dies.

Screams break the silence,
waking from the dead of night.
Vengeance is boiling,
he's returned to **** the light.

Then when he's found who he's looking for
listen in awe and you'll hear him
bark at the moon.

Years spent in torment,
buried in a nameless grave.
Now he has risen,
miracles would have to save
those that the beast is looking for.
Listen in awe and you'll hear him
bark at the moon.

It's all the same, only the names will change.
Every day, it seems we're wastin' away.
Another place where the faces are so cold.
He'd drive all night just to get back home.

He’s a cowboy.
On a steel horse he rides.
He’s wanted dead or alive,
wanted dead or alive.

In the day he sweats it out on the streets
of a runaway American dream,
at night he rides through the mansions of glory
in suicide machines
sprung from cages on Highway 9.
Chrome wheeled, fuel-injected, and steppin' out over the line,
oh, baby this town rips the bones from your back
it's a death trap, it's a suicide rap
he gotta get out while he’s young.

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future.
He wanna fly like an eagle,
to the sea,
fly like an eagle, let his spirit carry him.
he wants to fly like an eagle
'til he’s free,
oh Lord, through the revolution.

But a storm is threatening
The Seeker’s very life today,
“If I don't get some shelter
I'm gonna fade away.
War, children!
It's just a shot away.
War, children!
It's just a shot away.
See the fire is sweepin'
our streets today,
it burns like a red coal carpet
and a mad bull lost its way.”

Out there in the fields
they fight for their meals,
they get their back into their living,
“We don't need to fight
to prove we’re right,
we don't need to be forgiven.”

The seeker feels around for his honesty,
“So, so you think you can tell
heaven from hell?
Blue skies from pain?
Can you tell a green field
from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
Did they get you to trade
your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
a walk-on part in the war
for a leading role in a cage?”

“There must be some kinda way outta here.”
Said The Seeker to his radio,
“There's too much confusion
I can't get no relief.

Businessmen, they drink my wine,
plowmen dig my earth,
none will level on the line
nobody of it is worth.”

Invisible airwaves crackle with life.
Bright antenna bristle with the energy.
Emotional feedback on timeless wavelength.
Bearing a gift beyond price, almost free.

“No reason to get excited.”
The radio, it kindly spoke,
“There are many here among us
who feel that life is but a joke.
But, uh, but you and I, we've been through that
and this is not our fate,
so let us stop talkin' falsely now
the hour's getting late.”

But he knows
that we'll be fighting in the streets
with our children at our feet.
And the morals that they worship will be gone.
And the men who spurred us on
sit in judgment of all wrong,
They decide and the shotgun sings the song.

We'll tip our hats to the new constitution,
take a bow for the new revolution,
smile and grin at the change all around,
pick up our pens and poems,
Just like yesterday,
then we'll get on our knees and pray
that we don't get fooled again.

After this thought, he promises himself,
and any who’s listening,
“Well, I won't back down.
No, I won't back down.
You can stand me up at the gates of hell,
but I won't back down.”

Carry on, my wayward son,
there'll be peace when you are done.
Lay your weary head to rest,
don't you cry no more.

Once he rose above the noise and confusion
just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion.
He was soaring ever higher
but he flew too high.

Though his eyes could see, he still was a blind man.
Though his mind could think, he still was a mad man.
He hears the voices when we’re dreaming,
he can hear them say:
“Carry on, my wayward son!”

He hears! riding off he says,
“Don't stop me now,
don't stop me.
'Cause I'm fighting for my country, fighting for my love.
I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky,
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity.
I'm a peaceful man who must fight
so I'm gonna go, go, go!
There's no stopping me.
I'm burnin' through the sky,
200 degrees,
that's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit.
I'm traveling at the speed of light!”

There's a place up ahead and we’re goin'
just as fast as our feet can fly.
Come away, come away, if you're goin'
leave the sinkin' ship behind.

Come on the risin' wind,
we're goin' up around the bend.

Bring a song and a smile for the banjo.
Better get, while the gettin's good.
Hitch a ride to the end of the highway
where the neon's turn to wood.

Come on the risin' wind,
we're goin' up around the bend.

In a place he only dreamt of,
where his soul is always free.
Silver stages, golden curtains
filled his head, plain as can be.
As a rainbow grew around the sun
all his stars of love who died
came from somewhere beyond the scene you see,
these lovely people played just for him:

“Green grass and high tides forever.
Castles of stone souls and glory.
Lost faces say we adore you
as kings and queens bow and play for you.
Those who don't believe us,
find their souls and set them free.
Those who do believe and love,
this time will be their key.
Time and time again we've thanked you
for peace of mind.
You helped us find ourselves
amongst the music and the rhyme
that enchants you here.”

Then the door was open, and the wind appeared.
The candles blew and then disappeared.
The curtains flew and then he appeared,
Saying, “don't be afraid.
All your times have come
here but now they're gone.
Seasons don't fear the reaper
nor do the wind, the sun, or the rain.”

We're leavin' together,
but still, it's farewell
and maybe we'll come back
to Earth, who can tell?
I guess there is no one to blame.
We're leaving the ground,
will things ever be the same again?
It's the final countdown,
it’s his final breath,
and with it
The Seeker finds his mark,

“We all hear the call of a lifetime ring,
felt the need to get up for it.
You cut out the middleman.
You got no time for the messenger.
Got no regard for the thing that you don't understand.
You got no fear of the underdog.
That's why you will not survive.”

by Rudyard Kipling*

By the old Moulmein Pagoda, lookin' lazy at the sea,
There's a Burma girl a-settin', and I know she thinks o' me;
For the wind is in the palm-trees, and the temple-bells they say:
‘Come you back, you British soldier; come you back to Mandalay!'
      Come you back to Mandalay,
      Where the old Flotilla lay:
      Can't you ‘ear their paddles chunkin' from Rangoon to Mandalay?
      On the road to Mandalay,
      Where the flyin'-fishes play,
      An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China ‘crost the Bay!

‘Er petticoat was yaller an' ‘er liggle cap was green,
An' ‘er name was Supi-yaw-lat–jes' the same as Theebaw's Queen,
An' I seed her first a-smokin' of a whackin' white cheroot,
An' a-wastin' Christian kisses on an ‘eathen idol's foot:
      Bloomin' idol made o' mud–
      Wot they called the Great Gawd Budd–
      Plucky lot she cared for idols when I kissed ‘er where she stud!
      On the road to Mandalay,
      Where the flyin'-fishes play,
      An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China ‘crost the Bay!

When the mist was on the rice-fields an' the sun was droppin' slow,
She'd *** ‘er little banjo an' she'd sing ‘Kulla-lo-lo!'
With ‘er arm upon my shoulder an' ‘er cheek agin my cheek
We useter watch the steamers an' the hathis pilin' teak.
      Elephints a'pilin' teak
      In the sludgy, squdgy creek,
      Where the silence ‘ung that ‘eavy you was ‘arf afraid to speak!
      On the road to Mandalay,
      Where the flyin'-fishes play,
      An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China ‘crost the Bay!

But that's all shove be'ind me–long ago an' fur away,
An' there ain't no ‘busses runnin' from the Bank to Mandalay;
An' I'm learnin' ‘ere in London what the ten-year soldier tells:
‘If you've ‘eard the East a-callin', you won't never ‘eed naught else.'
      No! You won't ‘eed nothin' else
      But them spicy garlic smells,
      An' the sunshine an' the palm-trees an' the tinkly-temple -bells;
      On the road to Mandalay,
      Where the flyin'-fishes play,
      An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China ‘crost the Bay!

I am sick o' wastin' leather on these gritty pavin'-stones,
An' the blasted English drizzle wakes the fever in my bones;
Tho' I walks with fifty ‘ousemaids outer Chelsea to the Strand,
An' they talks a lot o' lovin' but wot do they understand?
      Beefy face an' grubby ‘and–
      Law! Wot do they understand?
      I've a neater, sweeter maiden in a cleaner, greener land!
      On the road to Mandalay,
      Where the flyin'-fishes play,
      An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China ‘crost the Bay!

Ship me somewheres east of Suez, where the best is like the worst,
Where there aren't no Ten Commandments an' a man can raise a thirst;*
For the temple-bells are callin', and' it's there that I would be–
By the old Moulmein Pagoda, looking lazy at the sea;
      On the road to Mandalay,
      Where the old Flotilla lay,
      With our sick beneath the awnings when we went to Mandalay!
      On the road to Mandalay,
      Where the flyin'-fishes play,
      An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China ‘crost the Bay!

Yo guess who's bizzack
Attack the mens in black?
Where them ***** cops at?
Blastin' us for no **** reason
We at war with each other for no **** reason
Daily treason
Commited by the ******' senate
Masons evolve around the sun
Not the holy son
Open ya head cuz its brain dead
Knowledge is power im here to devour
Make my enemies bleed
From gun powder
Deep in the flesh hard for ya to ingest
Air into ya system
Takin' mad shots
Aint no missin' em
My style be simple
And complex
**** the chains the cars n the rolex
No plex
Cuz you dont wanna see
Me act a fool
Bring out the tool
Know the rules
To the game used be 48 now there's  50
Got every fool in the hood
Actin' shifty
When we gone break some leven
And embrace heaven
Naw i feel like im the only one
Left revengin' for the sons
Of satan
Watch me get blatant
No panic yea im growin frantic
I try to remain calm
Put theres an itch in my palms
****** after midnight
Gets the mind right game tight
Blurry vision
So i had to realign my sight
Now im focused no hocus pocus
Im back on top of thangs
Got my own biz in my own name
Still spreadin' luv
To all colors affliated cuz
We all in the same gang

N these for all my homies
Who i see when i hit the ******
Deaths on a creeper
No sleep i stay up most nights
Tryna figure out n fight
Why do we live like this?
Its ludicrous
Somebody tell me this?
Or is it they tryna bring slavery back
Fools aint even realizin'
That?
Too busy after the fame
I peep game
Wastin' time to maintain
Temporary fame
Only to end up in shame
Hearts full of flames
Cuz ya soul done burned out
Keep the smoke out
Uh out of my way hit the highway
Half a tank in my glasshouse
Make a stop to my spouse
Put a tag on tha ***
Then step back out
Once my feet hit the street
I bang original or *******
Loud music
So nigguhs can thank
But they say im crazy
And they phase me
Out the picture
Too busy drunk on  the spiritual liqour
I killed the ol me
Along time ago and now i know
Ain't no *** of gold on the end of the rainbow
We just inches below
Armageddon
Bring the heat
I bet i get them sweatin?
No more lettin'
Off this trigger man
CERN just waitin' to flip the script
Manifestin' demons into the light
Pretty aint it?
Got many believin' in dead things?
Reality aint what it used to be
Art imitates life
But all I'm painted with is strife
Roll the dice
Tryin' not to get" snake eyes"
Keep ya eyes on the prize they watchin'
You
Be vigilant and stay true
No matter what they do??
When they try to attack
Dont hold back??
Revolutionizin' the game black
Guess who's back???

I don't mind you comin' here
And wastin' all my time
'Cause when you're standin' oh so near
I kinda lose my mind
It's not the perfume that you wear
It's not the ribbons in your hair
And I don't mind you comin' here
And wastin' all my time
I don't mind you hangin' out
And talkin' in your sleep
It doesn't matter where you've been
As long as it was deep
You always knew to wear it well and
You look so fancy I can tell
And I don't mind you hangin' out
And talkin' in your sleep
I guess you're just what I needed
I needed someone to feed
I guess you're just what I needed
I needed someone to bleed
I don't mind you comin' here
And wastin' all my time, time
'Cause when you're standin' oh so near
I kinda lose my mind
It's not the perfume that you wear
It's not the ribbons in your hair
And I don't mind you comin' here
And wastin' all my time
I guess you're just what I needed
I needed someone to feed
I guess you're just what I needed
I needed someone to bleed

Love is a demon I've been tired of chasin'
Love is a demon I've been tired of wastin'
Some days it won't leave me alone
Most days it won't pick up its phone
Love is a demon, and I -- I ain't no saint.

The trials I've been facin'
Nothin' like the dreams I'm chasin'
Traveled round the continent
Memories of time I've wasted

Seems like of all the places
All the drugs and girls tasted
I'd find peace in sobriety
But all I've ever been is wasted

Now I look in the mirror..
And oh my god I hear her
Screamin' callin' out my name
I hit the glass.. cuz I can't be near her

The blame the fault is mine
For all the borrowed misused time
I shake I sweat I try to sleep
Ive dug myself in deep this time

I wish I could forget
I try to pray away regret
God ignores my pleas for help
Because I've cried wolf before I bet..

Time is passin' I'm no younger
In life there is so much to plunder
I look ahead to brighter days
But all the forecast calls for thunder

I think it's time I stop tryin'
Wastin' precious breath from cryin'
Paint on a smile, pretend I'm fine
So no one will see inside I'm dyin'

I can’t even think to myself anymore, without you comin’ right to my mind.
I’ve gone past the brink, into Hell – shut the door, an’ I’m wonderin’ never to find:
That ignorant bliss that I once so adored, when your sweet face had never been shown.
That brilliant abyss of my world without war an’ my ease with the ebb of its flow.

My pilot is burnin' but I am upturned now, I’m pushin’ the pressure I pull.
My stallin’ an’ swirlin’s a sight for the girl that I’m only at leisure to love.
It’s gotten to grindin’ an’ strikin’ like lightnin’, my heart is as happy as hurt.
I’m often invitin’, enticin’ a likin’, but we’re always back wastin’ words.

But like a bad dream that becomes as you seen it, I’m all but there breathin’ the air.
It’s such a long scene an’ it’s runnin’ on me an’ I’m fallin’ here rattlin’ my worth.
She’s all nature to me, the one shape of beauty, a harp an’ its pillows of string.
The everythin’ through me, her face in the room as an angel that carries a sting.

Lost in the eyes that I ache to revise, I find peace with the play of the light.
Tossed into tides about feelin’ alive, an’ of stealin’ her into the night.
But I’m at a loss, I’m at every mans end, growin’ older than anythin’ can.
She’s all that I’ve got, an’ I have to pretend that she just isn’t holdin’ his hand.

Lyrical miracles do exist, I admit,
so as I sit, for a quick minute, I'mma reminisce,
Listen, I'm missing a process of thought,
Time line, my mind, this whole mess I've got.

Born three pounds, three nouns make my full name,
A push-and-pull game of life, givin' me dull pain,
One fifth, (pressure) I just missed a difficult,
Hit list, playin' witness 'til I quit this

Quest, yes, I'm movin on now, calm down,
First grade I might'a made this town hear me all around,
Instead I was quiet, lyin' low, so they named me,
Social outcast, framed and blamed, I hated me,

Slackin' on work, askin' for hurt, with my big dreams,
It seems I day-dreamed infinite possibilities,
But real life lasted, the glasses and hand-me-downs,
How I needed whacked braces and contact cases,

The places and people, that have come and gone,
They make everything in life, right and wrong,
So it's up to me, to live, up to my dreams,
But when they break, I shatter myself, split at the seams,

The only person workin' for fun, instead of need,
Was a boy thinkin' "anythings real", just like me,
Every day spent on that field, went up to shield,
My childhood, tiled protection, like denial should,

Birds of a feather, growin' up together,
Becomin' brothers by exposure, the closure I never had,
Best friends bonded, wanderin' through a haunted world,
Which hurled the darkest and worst bids, at hurt kids,

Standing straight, armed with warmth, and mental chimes,
We vanquished reality, warriors of the mind,
But time and reality are two faces of the same dime,
And years of a system glistened acid over woven vines,

Grades expanded, and we had exponential growth,
We sighed, said good bye, to a playful child's ghost,
Betrayed the imagination shapin' our former selves,
Wastin' away, new school structured like a bookshelf,

But time is always changin' the face of my local space,
And before I knew it silhouettes had left without a trace,
I foresaw the end of us. I could no longer pretend,
A town isn't so big unless it separates you from a friend,

Preoccupation took over, no verse of mine,
Could show me the relevance, telepathically inclined,
Fading understated, late and waiting for the cost,
It slipped my mind, and soon all of my hope was lost,


Now fast forward, a license, height, I'm slightly grown,
Up. Intrinsically fascinated by things insightly shown,
Nothing was grand, but I had a rough plan, for it all,
BAM. On my way home I received a phone call,

These tall walls of mine had all but fallen down,
Slow pain quickened like a king, tippin' off his crown,
Those days faded into a week, and at last,
I realized, my childhood friend, had passed.

Wake up every mornin'
Strap those work boots on
Alarm clock's alarmin'
Ain't no place like home
Time's already wastin'
Lord knows I want to stay
But the man is there waitin'
And I've got to have my pay

Gotta pay those taxes
Gotta pay my bills
Some folks live for workin'
I just work to live

Jimmy's got a good job
More than a decent wage
He built him a hot rod
Ain't ever seen the light of day
Yeah, he's got plenty money
Seems to have it made
Now he's got a second job
Saw him just today

Jimmy's lost his passion
Jimmy don't know his kids
Jimmy lives for workin'
Me, I work to live

I come from Alabama
Where all my kin folks fled
They left for a better life
At least that's what they said
And like a sheep I followed
Stayed within the fold
Now my life is mostly borrowed
On cards, and deeds, and notes

Need some satisfaction
I'm feelin' unfulfilled
Sick and tired of workin'
Gotta work to live

When you go,
don’t say goodbye,
Just shut the door,
and put out the light.
I’ll stay right here,
I won’t bat an eye,
Just go, just go,
I know you’re wastin my time.
Being alone, is beginning to feel more like home.
And I know, I know,
I told you so,
so just go, just go, I wanna be alone.
I wake up to a bed, that’s empty just like me.
But I can’t stand another heart break, so just leave me be.
I wish the pain in my chest would go away, and although my heart aches, I know I’m better off this way.
When you go, don’t say goodbye,
just shut the door and put out the light.
When you go, don’t say goodbye,
just shut the door and put out the light.
I don’t think I can take anyone’s touch anymore.
Because just like their belts, I end up on the floor.
Just another notch to them to undo again and again.
I wish the pain in my chest would go away, but although my heart aches, I know I’m better off this way.
So when you go,
I know you won’t say goodbye,
you’ll just shut the door and turn out the light.
So just go, just go,
I know you’re wastin my time.

theres always
Tomorrow
procrastinating
day a wastin'
contemplating
incubating
fat *** waiting
tee vee baiting
big mouth craving
fuel for raving
dazing
Blazing....

when I was nine, my brother Tommy and I used to walk by old South Bend Sammy on our way home from Sunday school. I used to give him half of my allowance every other Sunday, because I figured that was what God intended.

Sammy would send me inside of the neighborhood grocery store to buy him some sterno for a buck 50. I always wondered what he could possibly have to cook, with him being homeless and all.
I never asked him, but every other week, as promised, there I was delivering the sterno.

when I asked my daddy, he told me that old South Bend Sammy was cooking his insides. “that stuff’ll **** em one day, so don’t go wastin’ your money on a man like that,” he said, but I did it anyway.

when I was eleven, old South Bend Sammy was found dead on his corner. He died on Christmas day. Bobby Richardson, who was in the eleventh grade, told us that he saw the body before they carted em off. Said his uncle killed em accidentally when he threw his cigarette **** on the ground by Sammy's feet. Poor old Sammy was burned like someone was fixin’ to make a barbeque.

but Lisa Jameson’s daddy was a cop, and he said that old Sammy died from an old fashioned case of a heat poisoning.
“I didn’t know that heat could poison you” I asked my daddy later that night. “darlin’, it can if you drink it.”

A Heart that Parts away from the chambers,That pump lies thru the veins with pain.A love that was crucified and died, sacrificed, and does behind a disguise.A mask.
That mask the past scars, the torn skin, truth ripped from the flesh left hollow and echos sorrow,
Faint in the distance, youth in the mirror,
Not in the eyes,tired of lies , eyes cry seeing human bein their nature.
Soo cruel  the pool of liquor im bathin my pours soakin the reality to of depression wastin every ounce of time blazin to relieve the stress of being puzzled in a maze,
Forsaken and disturbed to see the same face awaken shaking like the floor of order.
The door of opportunity leads to another border.
Truth itself holds no water,Takin so much in becoming a mental horder,
nothing new but the struggle, and only lived a quater.
When is there change ? im in need of aspoiler,or vent.
Like im exhaust, im exhausted from many losses, im lost and losed many calls from God.
Stop stallin God hear my repent im callin, so answer.
Thats all im askin ,
im tired of being bent, broke from bein spent,
sick of the cancer, sick of abuse.
I want peace of mind, can hell call a truce? living on the edge, Im hangin, danglin , souless  as a manikin, lost in the sky walkin,
High like aniken.
Im havin epiphanies, deliberately givin up my own liberty,
honestly my  honesty is now nothing no one acknowledge my poverty. My truth was rich, outta this world cosmically possibly the realist to ever grace reason modestly.

BY: Emmanuel jv Hernandez
1/16/14

I aint fakin out on this,
Just wait till I go slit my wrist,
****** ******* got me ******.
I'ts time for you to pay your time,
You pushed the limits took what's mine.
Then sit there like it's supposed to be fine,
Don't need you wastin all my time.
Feels just like a ****** crime,
I'm done with you time to resign,
Never again will I be on cloud nine.

A step forward, a hundred back
with these type of flow, can I turn it back?
The time I spent wastin'
on all the things that amounted to nothin'

If given the chance to redo everything
Would I be able to make the right choices?
or Will I end up being with the current me?

would walking down that path again
also amount to nothing?
or will it bear fruit to something?

Something that might give hope to the me
who felt like I have lost sight of what's in it for me

300 nights I’ve been here a-pacin’,
I’ve got clothes, all shiny and new!
This whole year, my time’s been a-wastin',
someday this endless virus will be through.

On the news, they say there’s a serum,
soon I’ll have to take one or two.
Crowded clubs, where music’s a-playin’,
I bet I can get into one or two.

There are boys, out there just for kissin',
and someday, I’ll kiss one or two.
I’ll find out, just what I’ve been missin',
I’ll bet I won’t get home 'til one or two.

There are guys, of nineteen or twenty,
and they know, just what to do.
Shiny toys, just waitin’ for choosin’,
maybe I’ll pick one... or two!
.
.
.
.
*ok, funny note. I post my poems on several websites and on Quora, several of my readers lobbied me to change the last line of this poem - to follow the "one or two" theme. So, in a way, the last line is "crowd sourced" - and I must say also much improved  =]
Thanks to those guys!

they come to haunt me and taunt me
making me resent things feeling empty
putting thoughts in mind , so sorry!
i design this rhyme to pass time,
Every time i break down,
i feel no chime, quiet like a mime,
losing whats truelly mine, is my mind, that i can not find,
i feel this pain inside i feel derange and i sometimes, engage  
with what in front of me, this saten, is haten, of me cakin,
holdin the Jesus piece,no time wastin, just waitin for my time,
to exceed the needs of success, im patiently pacin,and pacin
yet racin, im late yet early to punch in, im not goin down without a fight with who who ever is lurkin,
am im certain the curtain is clossin ,
im keep spittin and writting my words fighting even if its hopeless, that i will change
and it will get alil bit better,
with alil bit chedder,
ohh this, this otis, gottsa gottsa to be open, and im open, but the world is sooo close, an closen ,and cold and im doing what i been told, years and years im gettin old, i wanna be immortal, enter a portal , everybody knows
times goes off course soo, i stay i on lane, doin my thang , flippin paper empty the pain with a  pens by the stains.
do you know what its like to be a mystery everybody wanna solve ya, but you wanna a revolva to be history, misery loves company, and im comfort by the honesty, of an oddity, that i wanna be,
and i wanna get even, with a these heathens breathin, forever steamin my self esteem is  depleatin , replenish me please jesus!
i need this , vent, **** everybody who i met, did me wrong the first sec, i regret ,and resent and spent times on something true useless, like the rest...of my heart, torn apart grown to beat and spark, but not ****** in the light so i love to dwellin the dark!!!

Baby can you handle this
Life on the edge I see the end with every kiss
Baby will you die for me
If I die will you ****** scream
Needle in my arm
Love note saying that I'm sorry i just loved you to much
I'm just ****** up now I'm gone
I know you don't like it when I'm on this ****
I got so much music in my soul maby I can sell it to the world
My words in there steros and I'm telling em all
**** it live life to the fullest till you ****** die
It could be tommorow
Baby I just wanna smile
Baby will you smile
Baby ****** smile with me
Theses wounds cut deep
I live a life you don't understand
I'm what you want but can you really handle who I am
I want shiny things and tattoos on my body so I ain't gotta say **** I can talk with my skin
Tattoo ink like a script you gotta question
Take a minute and get educated
Go to the left hand find the *******
Now notice how there's no more ***** for me to give my finger is feeling limp
So I'll just use my lips
**** society please baby run away with me
we can make each other's happiness a priority
First goal every day is to see your beautiful face lookin at me smiling
Xanax takes my memory's so baby please stay next to me
my vibe is heavy in my soul like a cupple tabs of lsd
I can feel you brightinin my world
Can you see me changin
can you see me changin
I'm trying but **** chaingin causes pain n I'm in the passing lane lookin out my passenger window
At myself
I can see the past in my face and the pain ive felt  
My life been ****** up who shuffled this deck what kinda hand I been delt
I got every thing I ever had,
and every thing I'ma ever gonna make, invested in this life
How they gonna stand there and watch me burn it like dryed leaves soaked in gasoline that we stand around in the fall to stay warm with homies while we kickin it
light some **** an have a cupple drinks
80 on the freeway we ain't speedin cuz honestly I got some product in the trunk
Selling ain't cool and it ain't easy
Even tho I know I could just go to work an make that cheese extra cheesy just cuz I got a lil guzmen in me.
These streets stay yellin at me in my daydreams
Talking bout the city in a drought flip a brick make a grip  
and get some fiends to rely on your buisness
At least when I'm weighin the work someone gonna be expectin me
and they smilin when I arrive
**** people been dreadin my presence my whole life at least drugs make me the one they wanna see
Baby im alive right now
I cant speak on next year **** I can't even promise you next week
Cuz when it comes to being about it fo yo homies yo family and yo friends then they say anything disrespectful and they likely ta catch lead
Body shots are Target practice we aimin for they head
Twenty five to life is what they tryina give us in tha 208
Half a zip of Crystal and they talkin life with without
man I was ony 21
Said if I told em three dealers above me I could catch probation and go free
**** that **** I run around with real gangsters take yo head off your shoulders
If you got loose lips round us you gonna learn
We catch an OP we spread the word
That black and white already been sent ta everyone ya heard
you aint aloud to play no more sorry but you broke the rules
If my mouth woulda opened right now I wouldn't be breathing
My paper work come correct you better believe it
**** y'all draggin my name in the mud
I been solid since I was to Young to be doin this ****
Girl if you wit me you gotta stay solid onehundred percent
Everything is handled in house we don't dial 911
unless we need a doctor or somethings burnin up
**** twelve they wanna see me hurting
**** twelve
They want wanna catch me serving to
these fiends but just these crack heads waiting till I can't supply
then they giving up my name to 5-O just ta keep themselves on they level
Chasin that high is like running from the devil
But he got a leash chokin you till you bowin down at his knees
Life lived
life wasted  
Life on the edge
**** it let's see the world I wanna make it
This my world I'ma do what I wanna y'all gonna know my name I'ma top shotta dumb dotta
**** around fall in love with the life you see around ya
Stay with me girl we gonna take a million dolla
Make it 4 times that over night
******* that grind baby so you can kick back and enjoy life
Shoppin in hollywood on rodeo drive
red carpet pictures capturin the moments we together in life
I'm fascineted by your body
Far from ordinary baby your unique
Can you handle this
Life on the edge I can see the end with every kiss
Baby will you die for me
If I die will you ****** scream
Baby will you live life like the end is already happening
Treasure every moment **** what ever all thoes losers think
They say I'm wastin away
Druggin my life down the drain
Well let's be honest here my name is Dennis drain so pour your liquor dump your dope out let me take it all to the head
I can barely breath I might have just OD'd
I think I just OD'd
If you find me and I can't breath
Baby will you scream for me
Baby I'm sorry this is how you ever had to see me
Live life like I showed you **** what hurts deep inside
find beautiful places an people with smiling faces integrate with there minds to create a place on this world to sit down and just think
Even in the darkness of what comes after my last heart beat
Your memory will keep
My soul feeding off your energy
seeing you and me close
back when it was back then
Ya know not just in my head
But here in reality baby this is where I can feel your every breath
In a mansion smilin with cash
dressed in the latest fasions
Millions of people saying they fans of what I create
I changeed they lives with the music I made
I hope that this dream comes true cuz I'ma promise you that when it do
I'ma bring you wit me we gonna be rich like we filthy
swimmin in bills wit blue faces all hundreds no 20s no 50s
But if these dreams come up short and I'm stuck in this place will you stick with me
here on this dead end street
Is a 9 to 5, Makin 17.50 enough for your beautiful body to wanna come closer to mine
We might rent forever may never own a house
and I might go away for some time you might have to wipe them tears from your face
It's ok still crying
I love you
your mine
Put a smile on you mouth
Even when it hurts girl
If I'm wit you or i bounced
In the penatentry or on the couch
you what makes me smile baby girl and don't you ever forget that
Be mine till the end of time
But only if you won't regret that
When we find the end we can build on till infinity can't streach any more
Every moment till the moments finley find the end and we are no more
In reality or my memory cuz time took what I love away from me
baby you best
Baby  come close  I'ma hold you in my arms untill you tell me to let go
keep ya warm like toast  
butter yo bread when we in bed
hope you like the way I make you feel when I give you my passion
hopefully you see that this kinda ectasy don't just happen
I'm tryin my best to keep you feeling happy
Mind body and soul
Make yo body thirst for me
Girl I know yo smile only works for me
I see theses other women they looking good
but you the only one I wanna dance for me
Stop doubting your beauty it's not attractive to hear such a goddess of a women doubt the power of her attraction
Yo eyes catch mine and the police might as well of pulled out a 9
Cuz i cant move
I'm stuck on you
Baby can you handle this
Life on the edge I can see the end with every kiss
Baby will you die for me
If I die will you ****** scream
If I die I swear you'll be my endless dream
Baby baby please let's take life like it's drugs and do this **** together
feel the euphoria like we the same soul forever
They can't handle this **** that we doin
We don't fit the mold so baby we just out here bein different
They don't like that
they stay trippin
Can you handle me baby it's ok if you can't
Just let me know what it is you looking for in a man
If I can't give you what you want than I'll let you go
Cuz your happiness is what warms my soul
Even if it ain't with me
Every time I wake up weather its late afternoon or early morning
Depending on what I been dosing
Depression holdin on to me an I know I'm hard to love
But even when you with some other man if you cracking a smile
Everything goin good
you got money and a place to live
Then I'm smilin wit you I hope one day I'll meet yo kids
The world could die if you and I could float forever in space
with each other in the endless expanses of space
I hope we float around an never age never feel hunger
never feel pain
Fill each other with happiness an fix the broken thangs
Baby I know we just met so maby I'm crazy I really don't know yet
But I'ma offer you my heart you can have it
If the blood scares you
you can turn off the lights and feel it beat in your hand
Feel the energy and power every beat you feel sitting in the darkness
Baby I'm here for you
and every moment your with me I lose grip on reality
your the drug I want
just please forgive my evil deeds my past is full of terrible things
I try and keep that stuff down deep but it comes to say hello sometimes **** I hate it when these memories figure out how to make catchy rhymes
and when it does happen please don't think any less of me
I'm slowly changing please believe
I'ma be honest I'ma always do me
Sometimes doin me means sacrificing things
Things I love
Things I can't put a price on easily
my freedom is worth to much by itself
Now add YOU to my list of things they take from me if I go back to county and ******* I don't wanna go in that cell
"**** twelve"  police ain't **** catch me at the red light if you can
I'm quick to split soon as them red and blues start to flick
I want the love you show me to hold me when I sleep
**** thin blue mats and cold concreat
My body aches an I miss that cute twiching you do when you finally slip into your dreams
Can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me that I'm who you wanna spend every moment you got left breathing in this life with
I know things don't always work out and we may never make to marriage and kids
But no matter what every word I've said I've meant
It's crazy cuz we just meet but I'm just kinda that way
Meet you one day the next I don't wanna let you go
I guess I'm kinda clingy but I'm blaming you an the way you sitting there with a blank stare licking your lips
I wanna hold you by your hips
Kiss you everywhere an feel your body twitch
So I'ma stay close play it by ear till you tell me to leave or we've been a thing for a cupple a years so it's kinda clear we a thing not a fling
were long lasting not just a quick  burst of hormones and physical addictions
I wanna feel you in every way but I wanna sit down and talk about your day
You were gone and I wasn't there
I miss you no put up your hair I like it when you use words to massage the parts of me that I only share with you
No matter what you being alive makes me wanna live life
It makes me wanna see the world
Cuz baby girl you make it easier to breath  
but at the same time my breath is short
I'm feeling light in the head
An weak in the knees
These feelings are intoxicating
A needle in my vain full of quality drugs can't match the moment you enter the room
Please baby come in leave and come right back into my heart
Every time I see your face after your dose of beauty has been outta my grasp even for just uno, dos, ... ****
thoes two seconds couldn't pass fast enough
I look you up and down I love your face your body is so perfectly curvy
Your outline got me followin the lines like I'm doin geometry
Girl you could make a man fall in love with math
I wanna find the angle you at when I'm holding yo ***
You catching feelings girl yea I know
Me an you we falling hard
we so hot our passion mealtin yards of snow at Christmas time
Green lawns in the winter months
We lounging like it's mid July
Sittin in a quiet place where it's easy to appreciate our own vibes
Can you feel me livin inside
I'm the reason that your heart keeps a smile
You the reason that my days go by to fast
Every moment with you is delicious I just want an order of it
Now super size it I want these feelings ta be never endin
Takin pictures now cuz in this life don't nothin last
I wanna look back and see how we used to act
baby can you handle this
Baby can you handle me
Life on the edge I see the end with every kiss
Baby will you die for me
If I die will you ****** scream
aint pay **** for it I got it all for free
Got home opened up the bag
Looked in to see your eyes starin back at me  
Used your vibes to fill a 100 CC IV
Baby please swim trough my veins
can feel the beat to my life
can you Bob yo head to the sounds when I live and breath
the notes inside my head keep me from fallin dead  
Every beat carry's  my soul and passion can you taste it
it's thick in the recipe they used to creat me
a mixture of insanity and passion
Someone please add a little common sense to to the mix it might help make a happier ending
I got the bravery but sometimes I just do
I don't always think and that's what's gonna tear me away from you
In a concreat cell that I can't even get up in without my feet freezing under me.
I make these dumb decisions when  I'm faced with two people opposing me
Mine or there's
So either you handle business or get punked out like you was raised buy some *******
I can't sit back and let these lames run they jaw
like they about they business
we throwing hands no question so baby I apologize If they start talking that **** and I ki one of them *******
I aint askin you to lie
I'm just asking you if you really about bein mine
Cuz if you were then you would stay solid hold back the fear and uncertinty
and tell all thoes people that wanna put me away
that I ain't do nothin that I'm innocent
and I'll tell the world that I love you till the very end
If you feel like you can't keep my secrets
Plz just do what your heart tells you is the right decision
cuz the truth will set you free
in that position it'll give me 25 years to think
25 years away from you
25 years away from me
25 years that I lose myself trying to find you inside my head
25 years to replay memories from the short time you been Makin my world seem brightened like your my sun your existing  decides if I live or die
Your memories never fade
I keep them in my mind on replay
Over and over in my head
slower and slower but still they move to fast
Glimpses of the recent past  that I wish my hardest would never pass
Baby can you handle this
Life on the edge I see the end with every kiss
Baby will you die for me
Baby if I die will you ****** scream
Baby if I die tear your ****** vocal coards to peices singing this song on the top of the world
high as **** with your last **** down at the bottom in the scared little girl you left behind when you came home with me
let my name echo in the world baby
I wanna be heard
I want my memory to burn into the minds of the ones who are just like me
BHC
Black hoodie crew yea that's till death make a generation follow my every breath
I want you to be with me
when they introduce my crazy *** to the world you that's listning
When I have thousands of fans and my name they scream
I want you next to me
Baby shine with me
When it gets dark and your alone remember that I ****** love you and justbe greatfull that I was
once asked  to spread words that create lifestyles
lyrics that give people hope in the world even when your seeing shadows
I want people to wanna be me and I want them to want you cuz I have you and they can't you love me
Cuz they love what I stand for and you stand next to me girl
BABY CAN YOU HANDLE THIS????

Listen to October sing
the dancin' breeze
through leafless trees
the stabbin' cold in every thing

And to his narrow
tree branch brings'
a raven claimin'
oh, most everything

"Ring-ting-jingling"
catch that chimin' bird a ringin'
nine o'clock
nine times in stock to chime
and that old birds wastin' no time
a-singin'

I wish we understood the importance of our time
Because once wasted, it's a permanent goodbye.
And in the blink of an eye, that baby is grown;
That brand new building is a crumbling edifice.
And in a single moment there is so much to say
But we waste is away on what ifs and sighs
Because we don't see that we could have something great.
We fear rejection or failure and procrastinate.
As our mothers get older, their backs begin to bend
Under the stress of watching us live in our sins
Because we still fail to realize that she is watching
And that her heart is continually pounding.
Our fathers stay in dismay at our reckless abandon,
Wishing we understood that the clock is tickin'.
He envies the time when he didn't give a ****
And meanwhile, we scorn his old gray head.
It's not until we've wasted precious time
That we realize the truths in their chiding
And we're off getting married or still idling.
No one really cares what the hell we do
But if they did, we'd probably just say "*******"
So soon though, we look in the mirror and see
Our reflection has been altered , how? A mystery.
Because when we are here, time is this luxury.
But those adults over there can't buy it so they envy.
All too soon we are the envious with the hearts pounding
And sitting there thinking, "Time's a wastin'."

Heart is dark apart with marks of stitches from ******* who lies cut sharp.
I listen  and still miss them but time heal and wishes , come true once glue fills in my heart can beat for two.
Im just looking and hittin depression with hooks an waiting contemplatin if times is already wasted or wastin while im pacin drinkin till im feeelin that im lossin control on my actions, facin my booz not havin a boo, talkin  a slur waiting for a hey from her, but theres no her.Just me and this elixer cause I miss her, someone who don't exist but gives me a reason to vent other **** I have like tricks up my sleeve but these vents comin outta my left pit..
its a need to breath..
Vents from my heart and soul. feel im scuffed like soles, i can not center it all
i can not better this cold
I am just sick of it all,
im just bitter with aww, cute with a sensitive mind with an internal brawl.
Between good and demons who crawl thought of suicide in my head.
Puttin pictures of people i love into depictions of dead.
Wish it would go away,cause i dont have any lead,
I am the bullet, hollow in the head empty but only echos of shadow of what I could be.
Drift further and further away into the grey while I lay in bed
lookin at the cielin feelin some sorta way then going back to dreamin where its only an hour a day.
Insomnia strikes with a furry, as if I was the prey,as I pray..
My mind is primordial of a predatory intellectual state of mind,
im the predator  but I have no time to hunt, I rather stray.
Stray away from the status quot  , so i pack a bowl and light the stroll, i lack a home, but i rather to pray hov to keep the demons close cause they keep me on my tippy toes.
Life is a straw you choose to make it short, and abort cause you dont wanna be impregnated by wonder if you see the truths corpses.
Life hard to swallow like your throat was horse.
and stepped on by horses.
and burnt like paul walker porsche.
No remorse.
for the other other side, like split divorces.

By: Emmanuel Jv Hernandez
3/22/14

got off the highway
for a brief rest
got lost for a while

made a mistake
made somebody
smile

got lost for a while

maybe the angels
really do talk
to you
through your
keyboard  &
stickers

but are you sure
it is not the
devil
& some
demons as
friends
that are
******* with
you

got lost for a while

****** around
wastin time
losing all
the fine
losing the
dime

got lost for a while

babies
and
puppies

i like em
best in
Real
life

cool fresh
rain
pouring down
over you
first iteration
of the
delusion
of you

got lost for a while

that is enough
but a few
keep
on
iterating
then
they **** with
that one
too

got lost for a while

happy sad
it all makes
it glad

got lost for a while

me,
think
i
******
care

I think we need a drive with the windows down
Let me make you laugh can hardly stand to see you frown
I think we need a night lost in the music
Smoke one, smoke two, with you,
Mistake making, should be learning my lessons but im steady baking.
**** them **** them only investing time into people who do more than taking, thought about taking you, but anyways I wasent given my time for the wastin
so I always make sure to do what feels right,
I mean like I pay attention to everything
always watching to see if my dreams have meaning.

for you I really cared

I think we need a drive dazed with the windows down
Put you on that nana
Wanna get lost with you
Cant stop wanting to escape with you
Stay up real late with you
I think I'm in a trance.
If we tried I think we'd find cloud nine.
Take out a few hours with me.
I think we look for beauty in the simple things
Just one reason but you remind me of all I'm  grateful for
should I say more?

Waves pulling us deeper and deeper into this ocean.
Think we might need a night where we can just be open
Guessing you told me a little, think I just got my toes in.
I think there's a lot more to you than what they all see at the moment.
Not used to them showing you they care but I'm too focused in
This connection speaking louder than words
You the only thing I wanna go towards
Think we need a night.
my oh my...
I think we need some time lost in the music.
Been lost in amusing.
Honestly nothing more that I wanna do
Smoke one, smoke two, with you
Who knew
I just have to get lost sometimes
But I'm just in my mind, I lose track of time,
Being alone dont bother me no more
so **** them **** them..
only putting into people who do more than taking
God said he didn't give me life for the wastin
so I always make sure to do what feels right,
so I'm high like I'm a kite
I listen, try to hear what the world is giving
watching to see if my dreams have meaning is nature intervening?
Feel like anything could be a lesson
Like its just me, just checking in

I kept putting in overtime, nah
Cant keep ******* with somebody who aint really there
For you I really cared.
I didnt want to, watch you but **** I was there too/to -
see when your intentions changed
Nothing moved me quicker I was on the way
Cause I've always got the best out for me
even when the only person there is me.
Kinda thought you knew Id do that.
But it didn't make you back track, or think twice
Which made me choose to not have you in my life

so I switched up
put my blessings up
It hurts a bit
But Im full of it

Is there anyway I can pull you in?
Don't like to be needy but I need you
so please just dont say a thing
Do you have time to waste with me?
Talk or roll a blunt, We can think it over, I mean what ever flows and
Dance or have drink both sounds so ******* nice to me
Take me deep down, tell me the things you haven't been telling nobody
Just want to give you the opportunity to open up,
I know you're probably holding a lot in too,

I'm used to getting used so
I promise you can get real used to
none of that with me.

**** me spiritually
Its 2AM aint got no where else to be.
like you next to me
baby
I like what your say, what youre saying
Keep talking to me
What do you need
Just want to crown you in roses
Wanna surround you with lovinn

We have potential, why do I feel mental
most of the time?
We have potential, it doesn't have to be confidential
that you're mine.

They say Jesus turned the other cheek
to give us all the lovin' that we could get.
When I lean in for a kiss I get either the right or the left
What's this, love?
I forget.

We have potential, why do I feel mental
most of the time?
We have potential, it doesn't have to be confidential
that you're mine.

I've spent too much time bein' sad,
It's not wrong, I'm not mad,
Just wastin' time.

take an itch, wait
scratch it,
did the itch ax fo d scritch or was that

you

voice in the head of the ehearer

radio, maybe so
maybe so
Frank Zappa, or
Emily Dickenson
or Suzie Creamcheese,

only her words reamain, yet
remain
mainly in my head a phrase

it seems, a phase shift
maybe so

electric trickery, I don't know

can you hear me now, is there reason?
is reason being
reasoned with?

Are we, reasoning together,
and you know not
is it me, it is

maybe so. May is thy word,
in this phase of
your moon

fuzzy light croissant logo,
Batman or is that a cross, and a rho?
Chi Rho praxis nexus Latin lying
demnation time wastin'

funny books, retelling stories
as if it's true, as if
I heard it, I told it, as I read it,
believing every word.

Classic Illustrated.

What good does that do you?
I confess,
Professor, I don't know

if, right or wrong, ification is
done by me or mere
fictional
May, the power, given a go.
I could say. May is my word, now.

May my best wish be,
the quest is,
good beyond reason,
doing that phase shift

electional trick to May,
seasonal reason
for unbridled joy.

Tending, pretending, trending
means more to AI than I.
May I make the difference?
Say I may.
May is your word now.

Once upon a time
You would never cross my mind
Every second of the day
In my head you settle and lay

My heart you cause to hasten
And yet my love is a wastin
For you never acknowledge me
My eyes only for one, can't you see

Why do I continue to love you
When you treat me as if I'm from a zoo
To you I'm just a ghost
Nevertheless I still love you most