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Abbi Oct 2018
Goodnight starlight
Bring my dreams closer through your depth of night.
Shroud me in your shadows and bring peace upon my conscience
Lay me to sleep with the crickets songs so constant
Echoing scenes dance before me
Really of what really means all the more to me.
The figment red battles of my complex curiosities
Never to be spoken and only felt within,  
To never have the daylight courage to act upon a whim
But lucidly the barriers are broken and so ****** myself into them do I,
For tonight,
in my mind,
Soon then they come to life.
My dizzying vehemence leads me down a corridor, o’ wanderlust,
Minds eye to explore, always searching to know more and more
About myself, my subconscious desires,
Emotions set a flame, a giant roaring fire.
Minutes feel like eternity,
In a world of abstract autonomy,
Down the rabbit hole, over the moon,
Back through the green pastures,
Deep into the woods.
Come across a fiddle and a laughing pooch.
Oh what nonsense this dream has overtook
I’m stirring in my bed,
most never really do make sense,
The tone then changes and the dish ran away,
Some other entity emotions have come out to play.
Before I can greet them and ask for their motive
Daylight comes through and glistens o’er them.
A new day to start and with no recollection
Of the hallucinations that guided me away and away and away.
Tonight I’ll dream deeper to meet those entities,
Decipher what they’re meaning and what they mean to me.
Abbi Oct 2018
These wilted flowers that sit on my desk,
Foretold the future I was whispered of, in my head,
Once vibrant blossoms,
Now dull, devastatingly dreary,
Mimic the coldness I feel now,
That you’re no longer near me.
The candles flicker around me,
So fickle, oh so faint,
I’ll dread the moment they go out,
For then darkness will take their place.
I hear the thunder all around me,
A vicious reminder of our once booming love,
Fading off in the distance,
Then only leaving the rain and I to sob,
And I know you didn’t think I noticed when you stuttered on “goodbye”
Because the tears they welled up, and glazed over my eyes.
But I saw the crack in your demeanor, when I begged you not to go.
I really thought you meant it,
When you told me you loved me so..
Abbi Oct 2018
Well what if I don’t want to live?
I’m tired of being here, it’s all *******.
I know people love me,
But I just can’t take this heart beat.
I’d rather feel nothing,
See nothing,
Be nothing.
Does this make me weak?
To no longer want to exist?
It doesn’t matter in the end,
That’s a fact no one can dispute.
This time that passes that measures our successes,
What if I don’t want to succeed
Because I don’t even want to just, be?
I’d rather feel nothing
See nothing
Be nothing
Just matter dissipating into another form of something.
But where I don’t breathe or think or feel
Where I’m just again one with the universe
A longing I wish to fulfill
I won’t **** myself but I want to be dead.
I don’t care about happiness,
I’d rather not be here.
Feel nothing
See nothing
Be nothing.
#nihilism #empty #death #suicide #feeling #nothing #universe
Abbi Apr 2018
It’s 8 o’clock, and I just felt the day,
Pick up so swiftly, drift gently away.
It’s pushing and shoving straight on, past my face.
I’m dizzied and dazed contemplating my name.
Contemplating my name ~
It’s 9 o’clock, and I’m in the city on foot.
Got nowhere to go,
No one expectin me, too’
Find myself in the gutter,
Where there I mutter,
“What’s the real point of all this?”
Born just to die
For what? Who is this “I”?”
Oh “Buddha” brother, so what’s the name of our “mother?”
I ain’t got no religion,
But we’re all “one” that’s the vision.
A culmination of spirit,
Lost in a haze half transparent,
The mass lull on the back of these meaningless religions.
What is your name? ~
Paradiso? Inferno?
Which is your claim?
Just gotta wait until they put up your stake.
It’s now 10 o’clock so I pick myself up,
and trudge on back home,
I’ve got mud in my shoes and in my hair too.
Another night out being reckless, a fool
And well Ohhhooowooaaahoooohoooh
“what else is there to do?”
Because in all of these seconds of meaningless expression,
The gutter it listens and the sky smiles back.
A silver sliver so sly and direct
I just checked the clock it’s midnight exact.
Made it home, rest gently to bed.
We all gotta die, just don’t tell me when.
Abbi Jan 2018
When you go,
don’t say goodbye,
Just shut the door,
and put out the light.
I’ll stay right here,
I won’t bat an eye,
Just go, just go,
I know you’re wastin my time.
Being alone, is beginning to feel more like home.
And I know, I know,
I told you so,
so just go, just go, I wanna be alone.
I wake up to a bed, that’s empty just like me.
But I can’t stand another heart break, so just leave me be.
I wish the pain in my chest would go away, and although my heart aches, I know I’m better off this way.
When you go, don’t say goodbye,
just shut the door and put out the light.
When you go, don’t say goodbye,
just shut the door and put out the light.
I don’t think I can take anyone’s touch anymore.
Because just like their belts, I end up on the floor.
Just another notch to them to undo again and again.
I wish the pain in my chest would go away, but although my heart aches, I know I’m better off this way.
So when you go,
I know you won’t say goodbye,
you’ll just shut the door and turn out the light.
So just go, just go,
I know you’re wastin my time.
Abbi Sep 2017
What's a best friend?
I hope one day I know the meaning of what a “best friend” is suppose to be.

One who won’t constantly scrutinize me.

One who will laugh with me and not at me.

One who will listen instead of interrupt.
Who will encourage me to do my best, because they have faith in what I can do. 

And it’s a shame that I thought it’d be you. 
You’re not right in your heart, and for that we should be apart. 

Until you stop putting others down and turn your life around, I will be absent.

I could never speak to you and have your full understanding. 

You have your herd of sheep, but I chose to stand up and create my own life to lead.

I’ve encouraged you before, but instead you choose to stay tied down to your bedroom floor.

It hurts to say “I love you” 
because now I will be without you, 

But it’s better to avoid making more of a mess and time to lay this “friendship” to rest. 

I wish you nothing but the best.
Abbi Sep 2017
Feel it now, I touch the tender flesh that's crammed between my tea stained bones. My legs are throbbing, from running in circles, trying to stay on your tail.
But the flesh was stripping from my bones with every sprint I took.
Veins throbbing, I felt like crumbling.
I saw nothing but your shadow then, taunting me as you danced backwards away from me, your crescent smile left the only moon illuminating my dark.
It was faint and fast, gone leaving me in an oblivion of nothing.
Feel it now, I touch the tender flesh that's crammed between my tea stained bones.
Shin splints. Painful with every step I attempt to take, eventually my muscles will heal, sure,
Yet I'm still out of breath. Yet my heart is still racing. Yet I can't seem to catch a break.
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