Whenever* you come
Across my mind,
I imagine myself
With you down the aisle.

Who can resist
Your sweet face?
Your bright eyes
Full of hope?

I will never know
The mystery behind,
Two strangers sharing
The same heart.

And I will never know
The reason behind,
Two people connecting
For the very first time.

How much fate
Is at work,
When two souls find each other
Without knowing why?

And how much love
Is there in friendship,
When two strings form a bond
And strengthened by time?

I will never know.

**iamthe_avatar ©2016

I awoke to the realization that today was my nineteenth birthday
I laid there for a moment recalling how I felt when I awoke on my eighteenth birthday
Nothing felt out of place,
nothing in the air had been charged,
and nothing in the air begged me to inhale it more graciously, as if my ascent to real adulthood required more oxygen
As one does upon their birthday, I reflected upon the previous year
I ruminated on the places I'd seen-
lakes of the midwest, dark hallways with strangers I was supposed to know, funeral homes I wished didn't exist
The places I'd waited-
the concrete carpet with friends for our favorite band, the stoplight of a town 400 miles from home, and calmly on a bench to call off a relationship with a guy I had just met
The people with whom I'd shared my voice-
fellow feminists, 5 year olds with autism who just wanted a piggy back and a hand to steady them on the hiking path,
my dad, finally
The places I hid my voice-
my brother's fraternity, a breakup text dripping with humor
I dwelled for a brief second on the men and women I had exchanged my touch with,
and with whom I had woken up without
As I flipped on my stomach
I could feel my swollen brain, gorged with knowledge, begging me to do something with it
I looked at the polaroids I had hung above my bed
and comfortably remembered the unrequited love
I had come to halting terms with, but now rested with like cozy pillow under my stomach
I looked at the faces of  friends whom I would now consider long distant friends. I wasn't sure if things would settle with them in the same way they had for 3 sensational months of summer
I shuddered at the toxins I had so willingly placed in my body,
pills, alcohol, drugs, unnecessary self-criticisms
I considered my weight-
a number that had risen and fallen due to over-eatting on the weekends and the daily under-eatting to compensate for the liquid sugar from the night before
I saw pictures of my hair, a foot longer than it is now and considered all I had put it through
I thought about my brothers
I wondered what they were thinking about when they woke up one year older
I do not feel older, I do not feel wiser.
I feel fine.
I am nineteen and I feel fine.

The foggy sky,
Painted in hue.
Of grey and white,
And a hidden blue.

The world is covered,
From head to toe,
With creatures undiscovered,
Like a dragon mole.

So venture carefully,
For you may find,
A Saber-toothed squirrel,
Or flying mice.

Carry your sword,
And a little potion too,
For the world needs saving,
And it's looking at you.

Through dangerous tunnels,
And on top of bridges you flew.
Your enemies lie defeated,
As you soldier through.

But alas your adventure,
Has come to an end.
By the voice unforgiving,
Announcing "get off at this station".

And as you walk,
Into your office space,
You see suited strangers,
The same you see everyday.

You avoid the mirror,
For what it shows,
The you that got defeated,
By villainous growth.